Wanting More Doesn't Make You Selfish | The 3 Emotions Sabotaging Your Reinvention

What if the thing keeping you stuck in your old life isn't a lack of clarity, motivation, or even courage?

What if it's guilt, shame, and unworthiness?

These three emotions can be so deeply programmed into us that they don't even feel like beliefs anymore. They feel like common sense. Like being realistic. Like being grateful. Like being a good woman.

And that can make reinvention incredibly difficult.

In this episode of The Reinvention Queen, we unpack the hidden ways guilt, shame, and unworthiness show up when you're ready for more but still feel like you "should" be satisfied with what you have.

Because maybe you've done everything right. You have the career, the relationship, the home, the responsibilities. And yet there's still a voice inside you asking for something different.

And instead of trusting that desire, you feel guilty for having it.

You question whether wanting more makes you selfish. You feel the need to justify your dreams. You wonder what's wrong with you for not being satisfied. Or you can feel the life you're meant to create, but somewhere underneath it all is the belief that you're not worthy of actually having it.

This is where your reinvention gets interrupted.

We also talk about what happens when you're trying to change deeply ingrained beliefs around money, abundance, love, and possibility, but traditional affirmations just make your nervous system scream, "That's not true."

I'll share the grounded mindset practice I'm using instead, especially in those moments when scarcity, fear, or old beliefs get activated.

Because coming back to yourself isn't about forcing yourself to believe something you don't believe yet.

It's about learning to recognize the stories running the show, creating safety in the present moment, and giving yourself permission to consider that your life could change far more quickly than you think.

If you're a woman over 40 in the middle of a reinvention era, starting over, craving a new chapter, or quietly wondering if you're allowed to want more, this conversation is for you.

Press play. You may discover that the thing you've been calling "being realistic" is actually the very thing you've been ready to outgrow.

Your next chapter might be closer than you think.

If you've been listening and thinking, "Okay, I know something needs to change. I just don't know what comes next," The Reinvention Circle was created for exactly that moment.

A monthly membership for women ready to come back to themselves, rebuild self-trust, and create a life that actually feels like theirs.

Your first month is FREE. Then $27 USD/month. Cancel anytime.

Curious? Come take a look:
https://www.thefemmecast.com/reinventioncircle

Transcript

Welcome And The Reinvention Problem

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I am so excited and grateful that you guys are here. Welcome if you're new. Today we're talking about the three emotions or beliefs that are sabotaging your reinvention. And I hate to say this, but that we're all programmed to feel again and again and again. And they are the very thing that is keeping us small and keeping us from really stepping into and owning the fullness of who we were created to be, right? Our potentials as human beings. And we really need to become aware when we feel or believe these things and really catch ourselves and start to really tell ourselves why none of these are true. Right. And the hard part is really catching yourself in it. Once you can catch yourself in it, then you can start to have the narrative with yourself of saying, okay, I see you, I hear you, I understand where this is coming from, but I want to tell you this isn't true, and this is why. And this is how we start to reprogram a lot of these things, okay?

The Three Saboteurs Named

SPEAKER_00 2:02

And I will say, and I I can't stress this enough, as women, especially, we are programmed, conditioned early on to feel and believe each of these three things. Guilt, shame, unworthiness. These will sabotage you again and again, and you won't even realize that they're doing it. Okay. Let's talk about guilt. Okay? How it shows up in your reinvention. So guilt shows up when, like we said in last week's episode, when you start to ask for more, right? When you have everything that any woman would ever want, and yet somehow you still feel unhappy or you still feel unfulfilled. And there's that voice inside of you telling you, but you should be happy, you should feel fulfilled. You have so much more than anybody else has, but yet there's this longing or this yearning for something else. And you feel guilty for that. You feel guilty for wanting that. You feel like you're a bad person, like you're gonna let people down, you're gonna hurt people, you're going to abandon people. And none of that has to be true. None of it. Right? We can still keep and the people and things that we love in our lives while still honoring our truest desires and leaving space

Guilt And The Cost Of Wanting More

SPEAKER_00 3:30

for them, even if it is just the little bits at a time, right? And allowing the journey to unfold, right? But we don't think that way. We think that wanting different things or wanting to change trajectories or, you know, giving voice or space to our desires is bad. Because we need to prioritize everybody else's first, right? Or we feel like I like exactly that, we feel guilt if, you know, we feel like we need to take everybody, take care of everybody else's needs, wants, and desires first, and only take care of our needs when we if and when we have some time left at the end of the day, right? We feel guilt prioritizing our needs, our desires, our goals, our ambitions. We feel like we're taking away from the people that we love. We feel like we're doing a bad thing, like we're letting people down. And again, I can't stress this enough. We all have as adults have responsibilities that take us away from our goals, our dreams, and our ambitions, and that's fine. And that's just part of adulting, right? But there are certain things that we have to do, and there's certain things that we have the discretion to say, I don't have to do this, or maybe I don't have to do this right now, or maybe I can delegate this to somebody else and I can focus on on doing what is important for me, right? I just have to set some boundaries and make some different choices. But the guilt won't let us see it that way. It won't. It will constantly bring us back to I'm bad for wanting these things. So I'm just gonna continue to be grateful for what I have because anybody else would be happy with this, even though it doesn't feel aligned for me. I'm just gonna ignore that and focus on just being happy where I am. Okay. Or I'm gonna continue to take care of everyone else's needs, and I'm just gonna make more time for me at the end of the day. I'll go to bed. We start negotiating. I'll go to bed later, I'll wake up earlier, I'll do this, I'll do that. But we never get to it. How many times have you said I'm gonna go to the gym after I've done everything else? I've prepped everyone's meals, I've gone to work, I've paid the bills, I've made the lunches, I've cleaned up the kitchen, I've done all of this stuff, and then I'll have a workout. And then by the time all that is done, you get on your couch, you're like, I ain't working out right now. Fuck that. I'm just gonna sit here and binge watch my favorite like show on Netflix, right? Ransom Canyon was released the other day. I think I watched that all in an afternoon, but anyway, right? And so it's like we have to start paying attention to where we're letting guilt make the decision for us rather than really listening and honoring what is really coming through for us to pay attention to us too. Okay. The next thing is the shame. The shame that we want those things. I must be a bad person. What does this mean about me? The fact that I'm not happy with all these things, like the I must be a horrible person, I must be a greedy person, I'm an evil person. And a lot of this, again, is beliefs. I'm I'm I I should never want to put myself first. What kind of a person am I for wanting to put myself first, right? The shame we feel in wanting more and striving for more, the shame we feel in sometimes not having it, the shame that we feel for, you know, having a dream that we're afraid to say out loud because we're afraid of how everyone else is going to respond to it. I know that was very alive for me. You know, when I wanted to travel and see the world, and you know, I knew I wanted to go somewhere and just wander for for a long period of time,

Shame And The Stories We Tell

SPEAKER_00 7:08

and I didn't have a real justification for it other than it's just something that my soul is telling me I need to do. And I had so much shame in that, and I had to justify it and make explanations for it and find a logical explanation, a logical reason for going, as opposed to just trusting that no, no, this is just something my soul is calling me to do and I need to do it, and I have no other logical explanation for it other than that, right? And just even the shame of not being able to make work what everyone else had made work. I had the job, I had the relationship, I had the beautiful home. What what was wrong with me that none of this could stick? Why was I wanting something different? Right? And this is where a lot of your beliefs are gonna be revealed, right? My beliefs that, you know, wanting more for myself meant I was a bad person. My my my my beliefs for you know my desire for wanting things to be life to be easier, things to be easier, to have more wealth, and I have to always, you know, work so hard for it and feel like I'm selling my soul to do it, right? All the the beliefs around that were feeding this shame because I must be a bad person then. I must not be a good person because good people work hard for their money, good people have little and are grateful for it. Good people, you know, don't really care about these things, right? So we have to look at shame and we have to look at the beliefs that are feeding that shame. All of these things are giving clues. Everything is everything is interconnected, right? Nothing is independent of itself. We have to look at everything holistically, and everything is informing everything else. Your emotions, your beliefs, your the reality that you've created. All of it matters. All of it is interconnected, one is feeding the other. And lastly, and this is gonna be a very short episode, is the unworthiness, right? So we may want those things, we may have a desire for them, we may even know on a cellular level that they're meant for us, that that we're we're meant to have them. I know that I'm meant to have it. I can feel it in every cell in my body that this is the life that I'm meant for. But unless we feel worthy of it, we're gonna have a hard time calling it in, right? Again, going back to the beliefs, right, that are making up our current reality, right? If we don't believe that we are worthy of having said career, said wealth, said relationship, said home, said lifestyle, we're gonna have a really hard time calling that in, right? Because we're constantly gonna be coming up against, but I'm not worthy, and we'll keep

Unworthiness And Self-Worth Blocks

SPEAKER_00 10:06

attracting situations that are trying to show that unworthiness to us, right? So, you know, it's really important when we're going through our reinvention. Okay. And this is one practice that I've been using that has really changed the game for me because I'm not I'm not always into the Abraham Hicks methodology for manifestation, right? Or actually, no, she called it out. Sorry, it wasn't Abraham Hicks, it was somebody else. I'm trying to remember who it was. But I I know Abraham Hicks has has acknowledged, she's done the affirmations that I struggle with, but she's also acknowledged this piece of it as well. Oh, sorry, horn going off in the background, you guys. I don't know if you heard that. But anyway, so I've always had a problem with the affirmations, you know, especially when it came to wealth and relationships. Like, oh, money flows to me easily and effortlessly. Money loves me, and and and money flows to me with with ease and grace, and in most in the most expected and unexpected ways, and blah,

Why Affirmations Can Backfire

SPEAKER_00 11:11

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And inside, there's like a part of me that's well, that's not fucking true. That's a fucking lie if I ever heard one. All I can do is remember all the times we struggled for money and had to work hard for it and and had to like really like hustle and grind in order just to make enough to pay the bills, right? That's what my ego's telling me, right? Don't lie to me. That's that's that don't give me that BS. We know what money, we know what money's all about. We know we've lived it. Okay, we've been there. Nobody's gonna pull the wool over our eyes. We have to work hard for it. We have to hustle, we have to bust our chops just to like make ends meet. And even then, it's almost impossible. It's spent before it even hits our bank account, right? As a girl who grew up in working class, lower working class economy, like these beliefs were ingrained deep. Okay. I'm convinced I've carried them from previous generations. Okay. I'm I'm convinced I am a well, I'm I am a poverty cycle breaker in my lineage, okay? Uh a lack and poverty cycle breaker within my lineage. So that I am convinced of. So that's why a lot of my mindset work has been around that. So these affirmations don't fucking work for me. That's not to say that I don't do them. I do, but I have to do them a little bit differently. So when I feel good, I will say them. And when I'm doing my morning practice, I will practice feeling into yes, money comes to me easily and effortlessly. Money comes to me in expected and unexpected ways. And I am open to and receiving miracles at all times. Like abundance is here for me. It is right here, it is right now, and I am energetically aligning myself to see it, to witness it, and to receive it. Right. And I'll I'll feel those. Right every morning or even a couple of times a day when it feels aligned. But then when I get triggered, I can't turn to those. Like when I'm triggered, when something's happening, when I'm looking at my bank account and I'm seeing that I'm in overdraft, when I know the first of the month is coming and I have no idea how I'm gonna pay my rent, like when my my gas is running out and I have no idea if I'm gonna have enough to put gas in my car and I'm starting to get freaked out or I'm starting to panic, right? What if what if I put gas in my car and then like my car declines after I've already like taken it, like am I supposed to like pump the gas out of my car to like give it back? Like, what do I actually do? Right. These are all very real, you guys. And that's why, like, when I say like the financial struggle has been real, it has very much been real, and that's why it's such a main focus of my reinvention. But I've also had to take a different approach, but that's a conversation for another day. So the mindset technique that I'm using in those moments, when those beliefs get active, when those fears and those beliefs get activated and triggered, money flows to me easily and effortlessly. It's not gonna fucking help me. So I've tried a different approach. I've tried, and this is more like the logical or the the the realistic rooted approach to money mindset hacking. And that is first, acknowledge, right? You want to acknowledge what's coming up for you. You want to acknowledge I'm triggered right now, acknowledge why, acknowledge what you're feeling, acknowledge what's happening, just be present with it, let it be. Don't spin a story around it. I'm afraid right now, I am triggered, I'm uncomfortable, I feel sick. You know, I'm coming up against a scarcity mindset, I'm coming up against fear that the money's not going to be enough, that I'm not gonna be okay, that I'm not gonna survive. You know, just be present with whatever that is. Let it cycle through. Let it keep going, let it go until it's like let it let it keep going until your mind quiets, right? Let it have its rant. If you need to step away for a few, and whatever, it doesn't have to be about money, you guys. It could be about anything. It could be about love, it could be about money, it could be about whatever goal or desire that you've set for yourself

A Grounded Money Mindset Reset

SPEAKER_00 15:26

or whatever fear or block or living belief that's coming up for you. I want you to set aside some time if you can't do it in that moment, to do this later. Put aside some time to do this. Sometimes I remember I used to like go to like the bathroom in my office building to like have these like internal dialogues, right? And just let it out, let it have its field day, right? Let out all that craziness in your mind, but don't attach to any of it, right? Write it, rage it on a page if you have to. That always works really well. Write out everything you're believing and feeling and coming up against, right? All the stories you're telling yourself, just let it out. And then when you feel complete, right? And the moment will come when you feel complete, and you're like, okay, I've said everything that I have to say, I don't have to say anything else. Okay, so take a deep breath. Come back to center. Right? Come back, come back into your body, into the present moment, and then tell yourself I am safe. Right now, I am safe. Right now in this moment, I have everything that I need. Right now, in this moment, I am okay. Right now in this moment, I have resources available to me. I have discernment available to me, I have inspiration available to me. I have all these things available to me that at any given moment could spark an idea, could open up an opportunity. So for right now, I am okay. Right now in this moment, I am safe. I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

I'll worry about the next moment one time. Right now, in this moment, I am okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

And I can receive so many things can come at any moment that will change the trajectory or change my circumstances if I can align to them and think that they're possible. Right? And then start to list the ways that your reality can change in a heartbeat if you just believe it's possible. I believe it's possible that I will get a job tomorrow. I believe it's possible that I will get a sponsor for the show tomorrow. I believe it's possible that I don't know, some, you know, money will come in in an unexpected way that maybe I can't even see. You know, I have no foresight to. You know, maybe I win the lottery or somebody I know wins the lottery and says here, or you know, maybe I get an inheritance, or maybe, you know, money that was owed to me from taxes comes back into my account, or I get a credit on my credit card because I overpaid something. There's a thousand different ways money can come to me, and I am open to believing that they are all possible right now. And then I move on. I move on, right? And again, you can use this to any belief, but this is the practical way where you acknowledge what's currently happening, you acknowledge that you're safe in the moment, so you have nothing to worry about in the moment, and then you have acknowledge all the ways that things can turn around in a heartbeat if you could only believe that it's true. Okay. So I only do this when I get triggered and affirmations like money loves me and money flows to me easily and effortlessly just aren't gonna fucking work.

unknown 18:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

I need real, concrete, practical, in the moment, realistic approach to money mindset work in that moment. And then when I'm doing my daily practice and I feel like I'm, you know, in a in a higher conscious state, then I can go back to the usual. I love money and money loves me, kumbaya practices. Okay. So take what resonates, leave the rest. Again, I would love to have you in reinvention circle. We are going to be doing a lot of excavating and transforming of our guilt, our shame, and the beliefs that are creating our current reality so that we can, you know, create a very different reality and experience on the other side of our reinvention, right? We are going to unleash our greatest potential beyond all these things that have been keeping us small and keeping us stuck in a in a reality that maybe sometimes we feel like we never chose. Just kind of happened, right? This is where we get to choose, okay? And it's such a powerful moment in our lives. So I would love to have you there. We start September 14th. Early bird pricing ends August 31st. It'll be four weeks of group coaching calls, support through a community chat

Invitation To Reinvention Circle

SPEAKER_00 19:58

group, and access to the reinvention method app, which I have been using every day. I think I'm on day 15 now, and I have been absolutely loving. And I actually gave it to a couple of my friends, and they've been using it too, and they are like drooling over the top. They're like, why the fuck did you not do this sooner? But anyway, all right, that's enough for today, you guys. Until next time, massive love.