Leading With Impact: Why Vulnerability and Fear Are the Gateway to Your Real Influence

The fastest way to shrink your life is to hide the very thing that could set someone else free.

This episode of The Femme Cast goes deep into vulnerability as a practical skill for impact, not a personality trait. We explore why the parts of yourself you most want to hide are often the exact places your purpose is trying to break through. If you have ever frozen before posting, held back in conversation, or felt your body spike with fear at the thought of being seen, this episode will feel uncomfortably familiar in the best way.

We break down the reality of the vulnerability hangover, that intense emotional wobble that hits after you finally share something real. Whether it is a video, a podcast, or a raw story about your life, the aftermath can feel disorienting. We talk about why that happens, how shame shows up around things like money and self worth, and why naming what you avoid actually loosens its grip.

This conversation also explores alignment and coherence as the real foundation of impact. Not performance. Not ego driven visibility. But the deeper sense of being in sync with what you are here to express. From there, fear of judgment stops being a stop sign and starts becoming a signal pointing directly at your potential.

We also reframe the idea of doing something scary every day into something more sustainable and human. Not giant leaps or forced bravery, but small breadcrumb steps that stretch your visibility over time. The kind of daily action that builds confidence instead of burnout.

Along the way, we touch on authenticity as telling the truth about where you actually are, women’s leadership and feminine intelligence, and why the world is asking for more empathy, intuition, and honest expression right now. We also explore the dentist effect, where anticipation feels heavier than the actual moment of doing the thing, and how that applies directly to being seen.
At the core of it all is a simple framework for impact. Hold the bold vision. Name what is required of you. Take one small step today.

If you have been sitting on a story, a voice, or an idea you are afraid to share, this episode will meet you there.

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Transcript

Welcome And The Fear Of Being Seen

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I am so excited and grateful to have you guys here. Welcome if you're new. I want to talk a little bit about vulnerability today and why it is that leading with impact often requires us to face the most vulnerable parts of ourselves in whatever shape or form, like whatever that means to you, whatever, whatever that vulnerable part is, it'll be different for everybody. But often, you know, making that impact in the world, making that, you know, putting our essence, putting ourselves out there to really be seen, to really make a difference, really requires us to lean into that thing that we're most afraid of. And I've seen this again and again. I've experienced this again and again. I was somebody who was terrified to use my voice. Terrified to say something that someone might disagree with, or say something that someone might judge me for, or you know, do anything, put anything out there into the world, whether it's a video or a message or an audio, uh, that you know, someone could, you know, kind of, you know, take away and huddle with their friends and like dissect and and criticize everything that I said or did or wore or whatever. And this is real, like this was an actual feel. Like when I first started posting content, my biggest fear was that the people in like high school that I didn't get along with were gonna be like literally dicing every piece of it, or all my exes would be dicing every piece of that video or post or podcast, you know? And so, and here I am. Like, I not giving a shit. I get hate comments all the time, especially I find on YouTube, and especially when I post really polarizing content about women's empowerment and women's issues. Oh my god, the comments. And I'll be honest, I almost sadistically enjoy that now. I do because I feel like okay, I'm rattling feathers. I feel like what I'm saying is landing and it's pissing off the right people, and I'm okay with that. So I get a sick kind of twisted flasher out of that. Oh my god, I must sound like a monster. But no, seriously. And sorry, I'm moving around on my couch, so you're probably hearing my couch freaking, but you know, and that took time and that took practice, and it came from me leaning into that one thing that made me the most uncomfortable over and over and over again until it didn't feel uncomfortable anymore, and reminding myself that I am safe in doing that. And you know, here's what we miss out on. Like, I had a couple of conversations this week around vulnerability that I'm gonna share with you guys. One of them was actually with my friend Gemma, who has been on the show from the Muse Yourself podcast. If you're not following her, you totally should. So she just launched the video portion of her podcast or video, what's it called, recording thing of her podcast. So she used to just do audio, now she's doing video, and she messaged me the other. She's like, Oh my gosh, I have I have like a vulnerability hangover after sharing that. And it was funny because at the same time, I was getting ready to publish my first chapter on Substack. So that's coming in a few days. So I published a very raw article about my podcast about you know how my financial struggles have really like impacted me recently with everything that's going

Vulnerability Hangover And Money Shame

SPEAKER_00 4:00

on in my career and the like the market that I'm in, and anyway, so many things. If you want to go check that out, it's there. You can go check that out. I don't want to go back down that rabbit hole today. But, you know, we were talking about, you know, me having shared that story and you know, the shame that I held around my finances and my financial struggles. And she was talking about, you know, the fear that she had about you know the video. And we were just like, we were both in this vulnerability hangover, but it was like it was okay because we knew we had done something that we were feeling called to do, and we did it. We ripped off the band-aid, we did it, and it felt uncomfortable for a fucking minute, and then it was done, you know, and now next time gets to be easier, and the next time easier and easier and easier and easier. So, and here's the thing. I truly believe anytime we're meant to, and I do believe that we're all here to make an impact in the world. I don't care who you are, and I don't care how big or small that impact is, whether it's in your family, in your community, in your workplace, in your content, in the world, like each and every one of us is here to do something to create something to make an impact in some way. Number one, you know, making sure we're aligned with what that impact is and not letting, you know, the ego kind of take us someplace where we're not meant to go, which can happen. So very alignment, alignment and coherence, two very important things that we're going to be talking more about on the podcast. But, you know, assuming alignment and coherence is present, you know, the way we make that impact that we're here to make is always, always guaranteed by leaning into the thing that scares you the most. Because potential will always scare the crap out of your ego. Okay, it's always gonna light all your fears and limiting beliefs up. So wherever most of your fears and limiting beliefs live, that is literally an invitation for you to spend some time there. Because it you would not be afraid if your greatest potential

Alignment Beats Ego Driven Impact

SPEAKER_00 6:15

wasn't on the other side. And oftentimes how we move through these things is exactly how we can help, we can make an impact by helping others in whatever form that takes. Whether again, doesn't matter where or how or or when you share it or like what modality you use, you know, whether it's through one-on-one conversations, it could be in the workplace, maybe it's you know, putting out content like this, right? What is that one thing that scares you the most? You know, what is that one thing that's you know that's always kind of held you back? That where opportunities have come up again and again, and you've always like, oh, I don't think I can do that. Is it public speaking? Is it sharing a vulnerable story about yourself? Is it letting people see where maybe you have some imperfections you've been trying to hide? Like what's the story, what's the story that you're mortified, whether it's present or in your past, if people ever found out about. Right? Things like that, the things that scare you the most. And you I know we've heard this thing that you should, we've heard this, this, this cliche, do one thing that scares you every freaking day, right? I'm sure they didn't use the word frickin', but do one thing that scares you every day. We'll keep it clean. And you know, I always kind of, you know, I always heard that. I was like, oh my god, please. Like it, you know, I always pictured it as kind of like a YOLO movement, right? Like, okay, climb a mountain every day, jump out of an airplane with a parachute every day, or like stupid things like that. It's actually not, it's actually do the one thing that keeps you from really stepping into your potential every day. So if that is sharing yourself vulnerably, start to share yourself more vulnerably. If that is letting people know about a part of yourself that you've kept hidden, start sharing that part of yourself slowly but surely that you've kept hidden. If, you know, whatever that thing is, what is that thing that has held you back, where life has invited you repeatedly to share, to show, to put out there, to make, to allow it to be seen, to use it as a as a platform for something else. What is that thing? And how can you slowly start to put that out into the world? And you can start slow, like you know, you don't have to get on a megaphone tomorrow in Times Square and tell the world this big secret, right? Or just just for the just get in front of an audience in Times Square and just start speaking, you know, you don't have to do that. You can start small, right? And you can slowly stretch your muscles. Think of it as a muscle. You don't go to the gym and come out, you know, with like a perfect body. Like it takes time, it takes time, it takes technique, it takes commitment, right? It takes, you know, be being being really accountable to what it is that you're trying to achieve and taking slow and strategic steps every single day in order to achieve it, right? Break it down into bite-sized pieces that you can digest. I do this so many times with big goals. Like I used to do these big, like elaborate plans for my life. Everybody who knows me knows this. And I still set big goals, but I'm

Breadcrumb Steps Toward Big Goals

SPEAKER_00 10:02

very loose into how they unfold. Like I leave room to be surprised, and that's one of the lessons that I learned when I was traveling in Asia, which I just published, or not, I've not just published. I'm in the process of publishing that first chapter. By the time you read this, it might actually be out on Substack. So check that out. But actually, no, I don't, that wasn't the first chapter. I believe that's chapter two. And, you know, leave room for magic, leave room for things to unfold the way that they want to, sure, of course. But going back to what I was trying to say is I always do these big goals and these big dreams and these big ambitions. And then every day I just kind of ask myself, okay, what do I need to do today to bring me closer to that? What's one tiny step I can take? One tiny micro. I don't need to figure out the whole way there, right? So this kind of taps onto what we were talking about yesterday, right? With the little breadcrumbs, just take the next breadcrumb and trust that when you do that, the next breadcrumb will be revealed, and then the next breadcrumb and the next breadcrumb. And by the time you get halfway there, maybe the dream's changed a little bit, and that's okay too. The point is, you're on a path of discovery, and this is, and and and you're you're pointing towards a direction, towards an expansion, towards a goal, towards a desire, and you're allowing life to unfold for you and to give you the pieces day by day of what your next move is. And when you do that, it gives you the freedom to pivot and align more deeply. Because sometimes that first goal that we set for ourselves is a bit disjointed. It's a bit, what's it called? It's a bit shrouded, right? Or tainted by other people's perspectives and opinions. And as we start to move along on the journey, we actually start to fine-tune and we start to get to know ourselves a little better. We start to, we start to understand what resonates and what doesn't, and and we just course correct along the way. And by the time we get to the destination, it might have changed quite a bit, but we know it's the aligned destination. So, and that's where impact lives. So I'm really glad that we talked about this yesterday. We're talking about this again because that's literally where impact lives. When we can start to hear ourselves, trust ourselves, know ourselves, and move in alignment and coherence with what feels aligned for us, that is when we can make the most impact. But what is going to stop us every single time is that one thing that we're afraid of the most. It will be there. It will be there to challenge us, it will be there to show us where our biggest potential is, and it'll also be there to show us how we might be meant to make an impact, right? So it's kind of it's kind of this gift wrapped up in all this messiness that we just want to avoid. I had the most powerful conversation yesterday with someone who is in the process of starting her own podcast, and she reached out to me because, you know, she was trying to get started, she didn't know kind of where to begin. She's excited, she's full of all these amazing ideas, she's got the most amazing energy, incredible stories to share. But like me, she was struggling with how to share some of them. But some of the stories that, you know, as we were talking and as she started to open up and and really share her perspective and where and I and we started to talk about where that where did that perspective come from? She had some very vulnerable stories to share, very moving, impactful, vulnerable

Authenticity Means Starting Where You Are

SPEAKER_00 13:42

stories. And her biggest fear was that she would not be able to share them and that she wouldn't be able to share herself like that with the world and be her most authentic self with the world. And you know, when I heard these stories and where she shared these stories with me, I said, you know, the first thing that came to my mind is this is exactly why you want to do what you want, what this is exactly why you want to do what you want to do, number one. And this is also exactly the thing that's gonna help you to make the biggest impact in the world once you start sharing them. But that sharing is not going to happen overnight. For me, it didn't happen overnight, it happened as baby steps. I started the podcast, my name was nowhere on the podcast. I did not share it with family and friends. I shared it with complete strangers who had no idea who I was. It wasn't until months in that I slowly started to tell my family and my friends, hey, by the way, I have a podcast. And they're like, oh my God, why didn't you tell us? And then when they heard it, they they loved it. They were obsessed with it. Mind you, they love me and they're biased, whatever they were trying to support me, but still, very supportive. It took me years to put it out with my professional community, and it's only been like recently, like in the last couple of months, and I started podcasting, I think it was in 2019. I only recently put my first episode out on LinkedIn last week. And it wasn't even with a video, it was just like a like a caption with like an image, like a graphic, and like a link to the show in the comments. It was like the most subtle share of my podcast on LinkedIn. And you know what? And that to me is being authentic because that's as much as I'm comfortable to share right now. And that's kind of the advice that I gave her. Sometimes being authentic is just being real about where we're at and being honest and just owning it and stop apologizing for it and knowing that we're on this growth path of growth and opening up and being more vulnerable and sharing more openly and being more honest, and just being honest about what that looks like right now, you know? And and and every bit that we stretch ourselves and every time as we put our every time we put ourselves out there, every time we share a little bit more about ourselves, every time we let our true self be seen, even in that vulnerability, the messiness, the clunkiness, the whatever, we start to make the impact that we're here to make because it's all part of it. It's easy to get caught up and it keeps so many people stuck. I've seen this keep people stuck time and time and time again, because we feel like if we can't stand on that podium and stare that, share that most vulnerable story to millions of people right out the gate, then we can't make the impact that we're here to make. But it's all part of the impact. Every step that we take along the path is part of the impact. How we start to share ourselves, how we start to let ourselves be seen, the numbers in which we let ourselves be seen, the the journey along that, the fumbles we make, the mistakes that we make, the ways, the fears that get in our way. It is all part of the process of making the impact that we're meant to make in the world. Now I will say this again, I think each and every one of us is here to make an impact. I don't think anyone is here. I truly believe in creation theory. And I believe, I don't believe people are created at random. I believe people are created with an intentional purpose to live in this life, an intentional thing to do, whether it's to impact the children we raise, the the family we we were brought up in, the partners we choose, the friendship circles, the careers, the the communities, right? The the content that we create, the the version of ourselves that we put out into the world. I believe all of it is to make an impact in some way, shape, or form, no matter how small or big that impact is. Okay. Everything creates a ripple effect of change. And I firmly, firmly, firmly believe that. But I will say this. I do believe that right now, in this moment that we're in as women, we have a tremendous impact to make in the world with all of the soft skills, with the feminine principles, the feminine superpowers that we have access to that the world so desperately needs right now. And guys, if you're listening to this, you have access to this too. Like it's not just, you know, women. We just we just have more of it. Put it that way. In general, I'm not making a statement. Listen, I'm not making a general statement based on gender. Each one of us has masculine and feminine energies within us and masculine and feminine traits, each to varying degrees. Typically, not guaranteed, but typically women tend to carry more feminine energies, and men tend to carry more masculine energies. But again, we do have access to both, everybody, and again, in varying degrees. Are there some women that lean more masculine? Absolutely. Are there some men that lean more feminine? Absolutely. My best friend was one of them, okay. And and this has nothing to do with sexual orientation, so please don't make that mistake. Okay, it's not about that, but I I will say that I do believe that as women that we are way more powerful than we've been led to believe by society, and I do believe that that was intentional thousands of years ago. I do believe that we all have been indoctrinated into this belief system and had been for centuries that not maybe not now so much. There's still listen, I'm gonna just put my beliefs. See how I'm starting to, when I start to stutter, it's because I'm saying something that I'm afraid I'm gonna get some pushback on, or that is too polarizing. So I'm just gonna say it and be done with it. Okay. For centuries, women were treated as the, you know, as secondary human, right? We were treated as the weaker sex, the weaker link. And society was built around that and structured around that, right? We're charting, we're really talking about patriarchal systems right now. And that was a belief system that we were all indoctrinated into. And it really does hurt both men and women. You may I when I put this out on the internet like not too long ago, I got

Women’s Stories And Feminine Leadership

SPEAKER_00 20:40

so much pushback in the comments for this, but it is true, it does harm more, it does harm men and women the same. The problem is is that it also creates a secondary layer of harm in which men are now have animosity or or or negativity towards women. And so the system harms women, and also because of how men have been programmed, they also, you know, we also experience negativity coming from men. And if you don't believe me, like, you know, there's so many people out there that are saying, you know, feminism, you know, is a thing of the past, and that was that was a that wasn't healthy movement, and we've moved past that. You know, there's still a that there's there's a large proportion of women who do not get equal opportunity, even in the West. Okay, I was in a role where I, you know, all the women on the leadership team were making probably about 25. I'm trying to do the math right now in my head. I think it was like 20, 25% less than the men on the leadership team. Okay, this is a real thing. This wasn't that long ago. Okay, so gender inequalities still exist. The way crimes against women. Handled is very different than how crimes against men are handled. Okay, equality in the workplace, very different for men and women. Women's rights are literally being eroded in many places. And I will leave it at that. So, no, we're not done. No, the feminist woman feminist movement is still needed. No, absolutely, we still have a ton of work to do. We are nowhere near completion with that. And so for women, right, in this moment, the world needs you. It needs your stories, it needs your insights, it needs your wisdom, it needs your empathy, it needs your nurturing, it needs all the things that the world told us to kind of keep small or hidden or unseen or kind of tuck away because it was impractical. Your healing gifts, your intuition, your wisdom, your leadership. Women were absolutely meant to be leaders in many pre, what's it called, ancient civilizations, women were the leaders. Matriarchal societies were a thing. And in matriarchal societies, everyone hovered, everyone, it wasn't about men having power, uh, women having power over men. That wasn't what a matriarchal society was about. Matriarchal societies tell us or show us the evidence that it was actually more about protecting the children and how to create a world in which everyone grows up and thrives in. Okay. Very different philosophy from what patriarchal ideology has told us about women stepping into leadership. And we've seen it, like we've seen it in real time. I'm gonna leave that there because that's gonna turn into a whole other episode, and I really didn't want to keep this short. So all that to say, ladies, if you're listening to this, you have an impact to make in the world, and the world needs you now more than ever to make it. But it's gonna require you to lean into that thing that makes you the most uncomfortable. And I'm here to tell you that it's okay. And, you know, it's kind of like going to the dentist. And I had this, I had this happen to me recently where I had to pitch in front of a whole bunch of, I had to pitch myself in front of a whole bunch of leaders. And for the first time, it required me to really use not a script, but essentially a script, which I'm not good with. When I come up on the mic, I'm pretty much just talking off the cuff. Sometimes I'll make notes of key points that I want to hit, but that is it. That is as much scripting as I do. Okay. Sorry, I just hit my mic. I do that a lot. I talk with my hands, so it's very dangerous for me to have a mic in front of me. And I was extremely nervous speaking or to in in anticipation and leading up to that day, like, oh my god, how am I gonna say what if I forget what I'm supposed to say? What if I forget my words? What if that? I was so in my head about it. Anyway, I headed out of the park and and I did really well, and the feedback was fantastic. And I realized it's always the same thing. It's like going to the dentist. The fear and the anticipation beforehand is always so much worse than the actual experience. This is the exact same thing. It's always so much worse in the anticipation than it actually is when you get right down to it. And you can do it in baby steps and you can do it slowly. But I will say, I will give you this one invitation to think about what is that one thing that scares the crap out of you? What is that one thing that makes you feel so freaking vulnerable, like you're standing naked in the middle of downtown? What is that one thing? Is it a story that you would feel horrified if people knew about you? That you would feel afraid of being judged? Is it a circumstance that you're living that you're trying to hide? Is there a mess in your life that you keep trying to like tuck in a closet so that nobody sees it? Is it a financial mess? Is it a mess in your relationships? Is it a dis what is it? Right? Is there an activity that you that you sometimes feel called or life keeps inviting you to do, such as public speaking, that you keep like shying away from because you're too terrified to do it? What is that thing that you are most terrified by? But also maybe a little bit keep getting that invitation or that nudge that you need to start putting it out there more. What is that? And how can you start to take little baby steps each and every day into putting that out into the world? And even, you know, I I when I whenever I talk about my impact method, right? And maybe we'll talk about that in another episode. I'm actually going to be talking about it. I'm going to be speaking at the reinvention lab, which is an eight-week free, sort of like a summit container for women who are in transition in their career who and in transitioning to tech or in tech and making transitions there into leadership or whatever. So more to come on that. But basically,

The Dentist Effect Of Public Speaking

SPEAKER_00 27:25

you know, when I talk about the impact method, it's how can you hold the vision of the impact that you want to make in the world? What you're doing as you're making it, like how do you go about making that impact in the world, no matter how scary it feels? And what is the benefit to you and others once you make that impact? What kind of experience do you get to have when you make that impact? What other experience do other women get to have when you or people get to have when you make that impact out into the world? What is required of you to make that impact? And that's usually where the fear comes in, right? Does it require you to speak on stages? Does it require you to share a vulnerable story? Does it require you to share a hot mess in your life that you don't want the world to know about? You know, what is that thing? And just hold the vision of the possible benefits of you putting it out there. Just hold it. Be bold, be unapologetic about this. Like go, if you think, you know, if you think X is reasonable, go far beyond that and really see the biggest, boldest vision that you possibly can. And then just ask yourself, what is one tiny step I can take towards this vision today? And that's literally how I started this podcast and how I've grown it to top 5%. So you can absolutely do it, and you can do it one tiny little breadcrumb step at a time. Does you don't have to take a giant leap and be fully in the pro and and be fully in in your highest impact and potential tomorrow morning? You can gradually get there, and you will feel it'll be the most empowering thing you can ever do to yourself, and the mo do for yourself, and the most healing thing you can ever do for yourself, because that's usually where our greatest healing is. My greatest truth was speaking my truth and allowing myself to be fully seen and take up space. This podcast has healed me in ways that I can't even express to you how much it has done for me. And it's funny because one of the stories in the book is how I went when I was in Bali, I went to a Balinese healer and it not Katut from Ypre Love, but close to it. But he had these like insanely long fingernails. It was so crazy. Um and I remember him telling me, you will heal yourself as you heal others, and you will heal others as you heal yourself. And I'm like, what the hell kind of double-edged sword is that? And now

Impact Method And Healing Through Sharing

SPEAKER_00 30:00

I get it. So anyway, I will leave you with that. Let me know in the comments below if this resonates. Make sure you're following me on Substack. I'm gonna be at least releasing chapters in the next couple of days. If you love this episode, please, please, please leave a positive reading and review wherever you're seeing this. It helps, it just helps this podcast and these and this content and these messages get out to the other women in the world who absolutely need to hear them. Until next time, you guys, massive love.