The Femme Cast | Visibility & Impact For The Unapologetic Woman

Grief, Grace & Letting Go: Emotional Alchemy Through Endings, Loss & New Beginnings

• Maria Rei

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There are seasons when life takes more than it gives, and no amount of mindset work can soften the ache. This episode of The Femme Cast is a raw, grounded conversation about one of those seasons.

I open up about a year defined by endings: friendships I outgrew, a relationship lovingly released, unexpected career loss, and the passing of a soul-deep companion who walked beside me through the hardest years of my life. This wasn’t grief packaged for content. It was lived, recorded between laundry cycles, caregiving duties, and tears that didn’t need to be edited or explained.

This is Emotional Alchemy as a lived practice.

I share how I’m moving through grief without performing it: sleeping when I can, hydrating constantly, eating uncontrollably (or not at all), crying freely, and letting my humanity lead instead of my brand. For soul-led women navigating visibility, impact, and real life, this is your permission slip to be human.

What changed everything were the signs that wouldn’t stop showing up. Synchronicities, messages in nature, and one quiet truth that kept returning: sometimes good leaves to make room for great. Not as a bypass, but as a revelation, showing me where I’d been performing instead of belonging, and where alignment was asking to be chosen.

In this episode, we explore:

  • Grief as a non-linear initiation
  • Choosing self over misfit bonds
  • Real-life grief care for sensitive women
  • Signs, synchronicity, and grounded meaning-making
  • Three anchor beliefs that steady you through loss
  • Setting intentions for a tenfold return
  • A simple year-end reflection ritual

If this season has taken more than it’s given: nothing about you is broken. This isn’t an ending, it’s an initiation. What’s leaving is creating space for a life that fits, visibility rooted in truth, and impact that doesn’t cost you your soul.

Listen. Exhale. And let what’s next meet you.

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Join the free 90-min Unapologetic Visibility Masterclass and discover the hidden blocks keeping your message, gifts, and impact from being fully seen: https://thefemmecast.kit.com/visibilitymasterclass

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SPEAKER_00:

Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I am so excited and grateful that you guys are here. Welcome if you're new. I know it's been quiet here on the show for the last week or so, and I do apologize. And I thank you for all of you for your patience and for those of you who reached out. We lost our little fur baby last week. It's been just over a week now when I'm recording this. So it took some time out to just, you know, kind of heal and move through the experience. Still moving through it right now. Normally I have about two or three weeks' worth of content pre-recorded in case you know life happens and you know I can't like you know always just jump on and do recordings and and manage content creation. However, because she had been sick for three weeks, I had pretty much exhausted my bank of pre-recorded content. Um so, you know, we're still in it, we're still moving through it. It's been very, very, very difficult for many reasons. And listen, guys, look, I'm not an idiot. I I get it. First world problems. I know there are a lot more painful things happening in the world right now, and I don't mean to diminish that or in any way. But this has been a very personal experience, obviously, and it has been an extremely painful one because she was such a source of love and joy for me and for all of us. And yeah, just it's been heartbreaking. It was unexpected. There was so many circumstances, and maybe I will share it with you guys one day when I'm not in a you know, when I feel good enough that I'm not gonna trauma dump all over you guys. Maybe I'll share some of you know why it was so difficult. But it was a very difficult, grieving experience. I've lost pets before, I've lost close people before. This this pain was next level because, you know, this this this beautiful little soul of a dog was with me for 13 years through some of the hardest years of my life. And she was definitely, I believe, a spiritual soulmate for me. And she continue, and she's very loud, and she was very loud in her in her in her life, and she's very loud in her afterlife too. She's very outspoken, she's makes her presence known. She's definitely with me. I can feel her, I can sense her, I can, you know, I she she's the signs and synchronicities have been insane. And uh honestly, I've never experienced this before with a passing of any soul, human or otherwise, or or animal, head or otherwise. So it's been definitely an interesting experience moving through this. And like I said, there were a lot of unexpected things kind of thrown in the mix that made it just that much of a harder pill to swallow. So thank you for bearing with me as I move through this. I do have some ideas of kind of what I want to share with you, and there's so many things that are on my heart to bring to you guys. And I actually have missed creating content very much. And I I kind of felt the urge to create some content today, not out of need, like I don't out of necessity, or I feel like, oh my god, I have to, I have an obligation to, or whatever. I do, but that's not what drives my desire to do this. It literally comes from oh my gosh, I just want to, I just want to create something. I just want to put something out there into the world. So, you know, as I'm recording this now, I'm looking at my calendar. It is December 18th. We are getting, we're right in the middle of the holiday season. So happy holidays if you guys are celebrating. You can probably hear the washing machine in the background. I'm doing laundry while I record this. Sorry, but it's a week of multitasking. We're just gonna, and I'm I'm totally like slumming it today. I've got the laundry going in the background. I've got this handheld mic, not my traditional mic. I'm at my family's place because I am on caregiving duties today. I don't normally record on Thursdays, but here we are. So there's so many things that I want to share with you guys about the grieving process, about how I've been moving through it. You know, definitely just taking some time out, resting, hydrating. Oh my god, grieving makes you so thirsty so thirsty because you actually are releasing so much and moving through so much emotion. And that needs extra hydration, extra, oh my god, I can't even find the words, extra hydration. So I've been drinking a ton of water, trying to sleep as best I can, trying not to drink too much coffee so I can get a good night's sleep and not be so dehydrated. I have eaten my feelings on several occasions. Either I don't, either I don't eat at all or I just eat my feelings. So I'm trying to eat healthy and make healthier choices, but it is what it is. I figure it is what it is. I figure if I can at least sleep and hydrate and rest and journal and cry, I'm okay. I will give myself grace if I don't feel like eating at all, or if I binge eat. It goes either way. There it's never it's everywhere in the middle. So I do try to squeeze in some healthy snacks so I'm not completely nutrient deprived during this period, but it is what it is. So definitely be gentle on yourself if you're moving through grief. I know, and I guess this is where I wanted to kind of go with this episode is I know 2025 has been a year of loss. And, you know, as I'm recording this, I actually already recorded this episode, but then I had to delete it because so many things happened so quickly and unfolded so quickly and put me in such a funk. I was like, I can't even post this now because it's not even relevant anymore. Like, I don't even feel or believe anything that I just posted literally 24 or 48 hours ago, wherever it was when I deleted it. Because so much got turned upside down in a matter of like a day. And it it really shook me to the core. I'm not gonna lie to you guys. And I can't, I want to share the detail, but like I said, I don't want to drama trauma dump on you guys. And also, that's number one. Number two, there is a slight chance of this might go to litigation. So I will leave it there. So I can't really share anything just yet, but as soon as I can, and as soon as I feel able to, and as soon as I feel I can share from an empowered position and from a from a an empowering mindset around it where I can put a nice sleek little ball around it, but no, well no, I I do want to share really authentically with you guys. I don't want us to always be rainbows and roses, but you know, definitely not like this. It's it's not ready to be shared just yet. So, but I will. So 2025 has been this year of intense loss and letting go and leaving things behind and things falling by the wayside. And I can tell you guys, honestly, for me, it started before the year even started. Like I think it started the week between Christmas and New Year's of last year, when at that point I let go of a lot of friendships that weren't serving me anymore, that I felt I was forcing myself to hold on to, that I felt I was I was forcing myself to fit in with, and I was performing and pleasing rather than feeling that genuine level of acceptance that you always, you know, long for from your friendships. I so I walked away. I walked away from a relationship where there was so much much love and connection because I knew that our lives were going in two totally different directions and that we would never be able to kind of come together in agreement with what we wanted. You know, someone would always kind of be probably sacrificing or giving up what they wanted. We had two very different visions for our lives, and and just the way, just the communication flow. We had two very different communication styles. It just wasn't, it was like trying to fit a square peg into a roundhole, even though there was love and connection there. And so I had to let that go. A few months later, lost my job unexpectedly again because they went into they they had sold the organization to company like across the border. So I couldn't keep my employment anymore. So they had let me go. And then, you know, the caregiving responsibilities turned up a notch, then my dog got sick, so that turned everything up a notch, and then here we are at the end of the year. So there's been a lot of letting go. There's been a lot of things that I had to put an end to, say goodbye to, and a lot of it was very uncomfortable. It was not easy. A lot of the decisions that I made that, you know, of the, you know, whether it was me when it was me choosing to let go, it was a hard choice because I I didn't want to let go, but I knew I needed to for me, for my own self-well-being and self-preservation. And so I made a hard choice where there was love, where there was, you know, time spent, emotions invested, care and and connection, and and and just this rich history of experience. You know, I did not want to like, oh, it was hard. But for the first time, I was able to make a choice to say, I know that if I choose them, if I choose to stay in these connections that aren't honoring me, that aren't serving me, then I if I say yes to those, then I know that I am saying no to myself. And I can't do that anymore. And so I made a different choice than what I normally would. I chose me, even though it was painful, even though it was uncomfortable, even though it didn't feel good in the moment, I knew it was the best thing for me. And, you know, when I lost my job, you know, that wasn't a choice that I made, but I knew it was also the best thing for me. And, you know, now, you know, with losing Pippa and you know, how all that unfolded hard, so hard, would never have wanted it, didn't expect it, kind of came out of nowhere, would fight it. Like, even though I I don't how do I say this? I don't think it doesn't feel like it was the best thing for me yet, but I'm sure on some level it was because I know that Pippa came into my life right before. If you ever um listen to the episode about how I blew up my life, she came into my life right before I the big blow up, and she's been with me ever since, and she's seen me through and supported me and loved me and held my hand, forget me holding her paws. She was holding my paws through some of the hardest seasons of my life, and filling my heart with love and joy when I felt like the world was just like the darkest place you could be. And she was she was literally my light in those moments. You know, she would comfort me, she would stay with me, she would, if I was crying, she would, you know, lick the tears off my face. I do apologize. My spin, you now you're hearing the spin cycle. This is great. I probably should have planned this a little bit better. But, you know, I know that for her to be leaving now, and you know, thinking like it's a nine-year, it's the year of the snake, it's the year of letting go, it's the year of releasing, it's the year of leaving behind old belief system, old identities, old outdated relationships that aren't serving you anymore, patterns, behaviors, all that stuff. Like all it's time to let it all go and let it fall by the wayside, right? Because we can't bring it with us into 2026. Because 2026 is the year where it all turns around. We're just ending a nine year, we're going into a one year. Things are shifting, and that's why this massive purge of letting go is happening, because we just can't bring it with us, even though we don't know why, even though we may not be able to see it, even though we don't understand it. So I've been having a hard time with this because you know, I don't see the blessing. It's like, I don't understand. Why do we have to, why do we have to say goodbye to the things that we love? Why do we have to endure all this pain? Why does it have to be so uncomfortable? Why, why, why, why, why? Right? So, like I said, she's been very vocal throughout this entire experience, especially in the first few days after she passed. And she has been sending me message after message, not just that she's okay and she's in a good place and that she's happy, but also that I'm gonna be okay. And what she keeps saying, what the one message that she sent me that really like hit home for me, and it was through a spirit animal sighting that I got this message. And the message was sometimes you have to let go of things that are so good, or you have to things, things that are now I'm trying to remember what the exact words were. Sometimes you lose things that are good because you're making room for things that are great. And I was like, wow, thank you, Pippa. I love you. And I mauled my eyes out, of course. Like ugly cry, like these, like it's been ugly, it's a week of ugly cries, okay? I bawled my eyes out and I said, Thank you, Pippa. I love you, mommy loves you very much. And you know, even beyond the even beyond the veil, she is still looking out for me, she is still taking care of me, she is still making sure that I know that she's okay. She's telling me that I'm gonna be okay and that this is all happening for the highest good. And she has given me sign after sign after sign after sign, even when I didn't want to believe it, even when I was filled with hurt and grief and sadness and even anger and rage for how things had unfolded in this whole experience, she was able to support me in that way. I've I've never had a soul crossover that was so powerful and so vocal on the other side. Never. So she just as vocal in the afterlife as she was in her real life. So God bless her. She's definitely a special soul. And I'm I just keep telling her how grateful, and I'm gonna cry as I say this. Oh my god, how grateful I am that she picked me to be her her fur baby mama in this life. Like so freaking grateful, you know. So yeah, and I know it's it's the strangest thing. It's the first time I can honestly say that, you know, after losing someone, it actually makes the other side seem not so scary anymore. Because, you know, when the day comes, you know, whenever that is, not that I'm in a rush to get there, guys. Please don't make this out to be morbid. But, you know, I know that when that day comes, whenever that day is, it's like I'll see her face on the other side and it'll be okay, you know. So 2025, the year of loss, letting go, things falling away, endings, right? All the things that we don't want to face, letting go of all the things that are no longer serving us, the things that we can't take with us, the patterns that are no longer supporting our highest good, the beliefs that will never match who it is that we're meant to become in 2026, and the relationships, the people, places, and things that just don't fit whatever that is. And that's what this year has all been about. And it's been uncomfortable and it's been not good. But there are three beliefs that have seen me through this year, even before I knew what was really happening. Like, you know, you kind of it's funny, like I kind of went through loss after loss, thinking, okay, this is it. Like I like, you know, I let go of some of the relationships at the beginning of the year, and I was like, okay, this is it. Now we're gonna take the 2025. Here we go. Like, we're gonna make shit happen. And then, oh, okay, the relationship has to end. Okay, great. Okay, that's done. Okay, great. Now we're gonna make shit happen. Oh, okay, job's over. Okay, so it was like, I was like, okay, so this is a season. This is not just an event happening, this is a whole freaking era of letting go. And it wasn't until the end of the year when people started posting, oh, it's a nine-year year of the snake, 2025, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, okay, well, now that all makes sense. So, anyway, long story short, you know, if you've let go of a lot, if you've lost a lot, and some of it has been uncomfortable, like whether or not you if you let something go and it was your choice and it was a hard choice to make, but you did it, congrats. I'm so fucking proud of you. Like, congrats. Like, that is seriously putting on your big girl panties right there. When you can choose yourself instead of, you know, the comfort of keeping someone or something or behavior or pattern or whatever that you're attached to, even though you know it's not for you, that's when you know you really mastered the art of self-love. Because sometimes self-love is in the painful choices, believe it or not. So whether you've, you know, made a choice that felt uncomfortable, that felt unkind, but you knew you needed to do for you, whether, you know, things fell away, or maybe you made the choices and they fell easy because it was a no-brainer for you. And hey, hallelujah, if that was the case. Or maybe things fell away beyond your control. You didn't want to let them go, but they slipped through your fingers without any help from you. And and in many cases, some of these endings were so karmic, you knew they had to be by divine design because the way things, like even the pippa's death, like all the things that had to like that went into her passing away and all the intricacies of you know how she got sick, when she got sick, where we took her when she got sick, what happened after, so many things played a part in making sure that she didn't make it. So many things. And that not only that she wouldn't make it, but that it would be very uncomfortable for me because there was a lot of detaching and purging that needed to happen when she left. So it was definitely, definitely by divine design that that all happened. And I have I have no doubt in my mind about that. And I think that's why all the synchronicities have been coming through and then and the and the number sequences and all the things, right? That we kind of obsess over when we're looking for answers and clues, they've been around me in so much abundance during this period. So I know, I know this was by divine design. Like I have no doubt. So know that if you've experienced a lot of loss this year and it and you just you're just done, like you're spent, you know. Like I had a moment in the car the other day where I was like, I had my come to Jesus moment where I was like, Lord, Jesus, whoever's out there, I can't do this no more. Like, this is it. Like this, this is the this is the max fill line. I cannot go. We've actually no, forget the max fill line. We've gone well above and beyond the max fill line. I am so over all of this. I cannot hold anymore. I cannot hold all of this. You like something needs to give. Like, I can't keep going like this. Jesus, please take the wheel, right? And it's so funny. I think my sister had probably the same moment around the same time because we're both we're both in it, right? And so, you know, and then I did. I got a sign, I got a little prayer note on my card, Ephesians. I think it was third 320, 1320, I can't remember the number. But basically, you know, reminding me that, you know, the universe, God, creator, whatever you believe in, you know, is so much more abundant than you and I can ever even comprehend. Right. And so I got that reminder on my windshield literally moments after. And so I know I'm you know, I know we're supported through this. And this is not just for me, this is for you guys too. If you're moving through a period of loss or grief, know that you are supported. Know that it is happening for your heart. Highest good, even if it doesn't feel like it when it's happening. And sometimes I think these things help us to cultivate that faith because time life has proven this to me time and time and time again. That even when shit gets hard, even when it looks like everything is falling apart, it is always falling into place. And so I I remember that through this entire season, that if it looks like it's falling apart, it's falling into place and it's falling into place in such a way that it's going to serve my highest good. And I believe that with my whole heart. And I want you to let that sink in for you as well. Okay. Whatever is happening, no matter how uncomfortable it is, no matter how painful it is, it is happening for your highest good. Okay. That's number one. Number two, if it left your life, it's because it meant it was it meant to, it meant to, it was meant to. Okay. There's nothing that you could have done differently than to hold on to it. And I this was this was a very hard pill for me to swallow because I was so punishing myself for how people's care treatment went. And could I have done something different? And had I made different choices, would she still be alive today? I know that she was meant to pass. And my soul knows that, even though my ego won't let me believe it, but my soul knows this poor thing was meant to pass, and that was part of her life purpose. To see me through this period, she saw me through it. The period is over, and she had to go. And she sent me messages of that time and time again. And so anything leaving your life right now, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it is, no, it's because it it meant, it was meant to leave at this time. There's nothing that you could have done that could have made a different, a different choice, a different something that you could have said differently, done differently, showed up as differently, made a different decision or gone a different direction. It doesn't matter. If it left, it's because it meant to. It was supposed to. And you just have to have faith in that. Even if it's uncomfortable as fuck, it doesn't matter. There's nothing that you did wrong. It's definitely not a sign that there's anything wrong with you or there's anything that you're lacking. And I please don't go down that rabbit hole, right? It's just it left because it meant to. And anything that is still there and standing after this season is meant to keep going with you. So put the effort and the energy into those places and things, people, places, and things. And then, you know, the third thing is, and and this is another thing, and this is what Pippa, the message that I that I shared with you guys earlier that she sent to me. No matter what's left your life, it's coming back tenfold. Like, no matter how much you've lost, it's coming back. You know, you've lost the money, you lost a hundred dollars, you're getting back a thousand dollars. You lost a million dollars, you're getting back ten million dollars. You you lost what you thought was the love of your life, you are getting your fairy tale happy ever after. Maybe not right away, but it's on its way. You know, you lost some really great friends, you're gonna find your like closest circle of friends. And I believe that. I believe that. I believe that when things leave, they make room for better things to come in. You know, and it's so hard to have faith in that sometimes, especially when we're in the grieving process. And here's the thing: we don't always have to think that way when we're grieving. It's okay to be sad, to be angry, to be in denial, to be in bargaining. It's it's okay to face all the different layers of grief. And let me tell you something about grief, okay? All these, like whatever it is, the seven stages, eight stages, whatever stages it is. I don't know about anybody else. I was going through all of them at the same time. I was going right from denial to anger to sadness and to I was I was experiencing all of it simultaneously and jumping back and forth between the different stages. It is not linear by any fucking means. Okay. Let it be. Let it be. My friend reached out to me the other day. She's like, hey, she's like, how you doing? I just want to check in on you. You know, I hope you're taking time out for self-care. I'm like, yeah, I had the whole day to myself to sit in my pajamas, cry my eyes out, journal like a motherfucker, and eat my feelings and nap and hydrate. And that's all I could do. She's like, you know what? That's perfect. And it is. It is. There's some days that that's all you can do, and that's okay. And that's part of having a healthy relationship with yourself and with your emotional body because you're no longer forcing something that isn't real. You can be present with all of it and hold all of it and not let it control what you believe to be true about yourself, about your life, and about the world around you. That's when it gets dangerous when you let it get in here. As long as you're just feeling it in your body and allowing it to move and allowing it to be there, and let the sadness be there, let the anger be there, let the grief be there. And it could be there the same time as the love and the joy and the and the peace and the and the gratitude. Like all of that can be present at the same time. And there were many times where it was all present because I could tell you right now, there were so many times that I was so sad and broken that she was gone and depressed, but also so grateful for the love that this poor little soul gave me and the joy that she brought to me. That all coexisted at the same time. And this is the complexity of emotions that I think I don't know, somewhere we lost along the way. And one of my one of my things, you know, obviously, other than the whole visibility piece and making an impact with your message and and and your work, you know, is really helping people cultivate a better relationship with their emotions because they're all fucking beautiful and they're all amazing, and we can hold all of it. There's this lie out there that we shouldn't hold that, we should hold this, but not that bullshit. It's all meant to be present. The important thing is that we don't make it mean, we don't assign meaning as to who we are as a result of these emotions. We don't, we don't make them mean anything about who we are or what we're worth or what we deserve or how good we are, that we don't, you know, project them negatively onto other people or make other people feel accountable or responsible for them. And we also don't, you know, deny or suppress them in any way. Like there's so many unhealthy ways and that we've learned to deal with our emotional body that, you know, it has really shaped, I believe, the way humanity is operating today. And I think that if we all learn to have a better relationship with our feelings, we would all be much happier people. And we would all be much better off. But that's a whole other conversation for another day. But take those, you know, take those with you. Like if you've suffered a loss this year, or many, several losses, which many people have being a nine-year, know that if it left your life, it it's because it meant it was meant to leave your life in this year. And it was not for your highest good, and you could not take it with you into 2026, it would have held you down or held you back or crowded the space and blocked out the blessings that are meant to come to you in 2026. So think of it that way. No matter how uncomfortable it is, know that if things have left your life, it's because they were meant to. There's nothing that you could have done different, there's nothing that you could have said different, none of that. If it's gone, it's gone. If it's here, it's still here, invest in it, nurture it, explore it, see what it see where it wants to, see if it wants to evolve with you. Chances are if it's still here, it probably does. And just remember that whatever's gone, no matter how great you think it was, something better is waiting for you on the other side of all of this. It will be replaced, and it will be replaced 10 times. 10 times. I believe that I'm putting that as an intention. Whatever I've lost this year, be it money, be it friendships, being relationships, being it for babies, it will be replaced tenfold. And that is my intention, and that is how I'm moving through this period, and that is the intention that I'm setting for 2026. Now, in the next episode, I'm gonna share a little practice that I do at the end of the year, every year. And I'm encouraging you guys to do it for the last nine years, because this is a nine-year cycle that is coming to an end. So that'll be coming in the next episode. So I'll probably post that one between Christmas and New Year's so you guys have a little exercise to do between in that holiday lol. And then, you know, hopefully I'll be able to get a little bit deeper on you know, this whole grieving cycle that I've gone through with Pippa and and and how that's all kind of transpired in the new year. So anyway, that wraps up today's episode. If you have any questions or comments, or if you resonate with this, please DM me at the femmecast and let me know, or you can email me at Maria at the femmecoach.com. I always love to hear from you guys. And of course, if you love this episode, please leave a positive rating and review on Spotify or Apple iTunes or wherever you're seeing this. If you're celebrating happy holidays, massive love to you, massive gratitude to you. Thank you for being here and for making this show amazing and for making for helping to heal me by sharing with you guys, because it really has. So massive love to you guys, and I will see you in the next episode.

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