The Femme Cast | Unapologetic Power & Purpose for Soul-Led Women

The Fear of What Everyone Will Think (And How It’s Blocking Your Purpose)

• Maria Rei

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The loudest critic in your life isn’t out there. It’s the one living inside your head, whispering, “What will they think?” In this episode of The Femme Cast, we unpack how the fear of judgment quietly shapes your decisions, keeps you people-pleasing, and convinces you that your wildest dreams are “crazy.” From survival-based habits wired in childhood to the subtle ways comfort becomes a cage, I share the raw, unfiltered stories of my own leaps. Moments friends called reckless, messy airport nights, and the sting of judgment that felt sharper than failure itself.

We dive deep into the nervous system, truths of courage, the dance between logic and soul, and why fear is often pointing you toward your greatest purpose. I reveal the toe test method, a simple, low-risk way to step into your desires without burning everything down, alongside practical prompts to help you build self-worth, boundaries, and resilience while being fully seen. Learn how to spot who leans in with you, who drifts away, and why attrition is essential for making space for aligned relationships.

If you’ve ever delayed your dream because of imagined judgments, this episode is your permission slip. Lean into your discomfort, test the waters with small, curious steps, and discover that the fear of being seen is often the portal to your infinite potential. Every moment of hesitation, every thought of “they’ll think I’m nuts,” is proof that what you desire is exactly what you’re meant to pursue.

You’ll walk away with language to quiet the inner critic, actionable steps to test your desires, and the confidence to trust that the right people won’t require your mask. Step into the courage to be unapologetically you—one tiny step at a time.

You are seen. You are enough. That fear? It’s pointing you straight to your purpose. Lean in, take the first step, and watch your life expand beyond what you ever imagined. 

Start now, and let your courage create the world you were meant to live in.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you guys here. Do you know what the one fear that almost stopped me from all of it actually was? It wasn't the fear that although these fears did come up. It's not to say that these fears didn't come up. The fear that I wouldn't be okay, that I wouldn't be safe, that I wouldn't have enough, like the scarcity mindset definitely came up for me a lot. Still does. It's something that I still grapple with from time to time. I'm grappling with it right now, and I'll be sharing a little bit about what I'm what I'm doing to kind of move through that as I move through that. But do you know what the biggest fear was actually? Like actually, it was the fear of what is everybody gonna think if I do this. That was literally the biggest fear in the back of my head. And if you're somebody who, you know, when you've been a people pleaser your entire life, that is probably the biggest fear that you have because there's so much associated with how people respond to you, what people think of you, how people judge you when you're in the room, when you're not in the room. Oh my god, that one's even scarier. Like, what are people saying when I'm not in the room, when I'm not listening, when I can't hear them? Like, you know, they're being nice to me now, but I don't know what they're saying behind my back. I don't know what they're saying about what I'm doing or what I'm wearing or how I look or or what I'm what I'm doing for a living or what I'm saying. The biggest fear that almost stopped me dead in my tracks from all of it was the fear of what they would think. So um, we're gonna talk about that today. So, hello, welcome back to the show. I am so excited and grateful to have you here. Welcome if you're new. Um let's dive in, right? So listen, this is, you know, I always I always there's there's something very unique about having gone through this experience and having moved myself through this experience and having moved so many other women through this exact same experience, right? Where you live your life on this hamster wheel of everything that you think that you should be doing. And all the while there's this little voice inside of you that's longing for something different, that's longing for so much more, that is craving a different experience than the world ever taught you was available to you, or that you should ever want, or that was even possible.

unknown:

Right?

SPEAKER_00:

And now suddenly it's like, you know, you kind of secretly dream about it, but yeah, you kind of that's not possible, that doesn't happen, that's not for me. No, like that's just crazy talk, you know. Again, going back to doing like the logical thing and doing the thing that everyone, you know, would would would everyone else would do that, you know, because doing the thing that is calling your soul that is waking you up at night, that you dream up secretly dream about and obsess over, but would never ever dare say out loud because people would think you're fucking nuts. It's again going back to what we talked about last week, right? Logic versus soul. The soul is rarely ever logical. The soul will always lead you down the path that you fear. People are gonna think you're crazy. That jinx crazy, she's nuts. Do you see what she did? She she she she left the job, she did the thing, she left the relationship, she left the partner, she left the friends, she ditched her apartment, and she packed it up and moved to high Southeast Asia for six months. Fucking Jake's nuts. How could she do that? I could never do that. And be beyond, you know what, and I will say this beyond beyond their judgments, and there was people who judged. There was, I'm not gonna say that there wasn't. There was people who judged, but most people who judge were the people who wish they could have done what I did and didn't. And so they were judging me for it. So lesson learned. Um, so you know, the fear of what will everyone else think? How will they respond? How will they react? What will they think of me, you know, really did almost stop me dead in my tracks. And I I I'm, you know, I'm trying to articulate how I actually move through that fear, um, and give you, like, you know, the nice simple formula. You know, that you can the template, I love templates. I always say this create template, everything should have a template. Create the template for you to apply it to your own life so that you can actually like, you know, stick, and I'm sticking my middle fingers up to my camera right now, stick your middle finger up and just kind of go ahead and do what the hell you want to do without having to worry about, you know, what everyone else is saying or thinking about your decisions or what you're doing or or the moves that you're making. There's again, you know, going back to what we've been talking about in the last couple of weeks, there's a there's a definite switch that happens. When the comfort of staying, when, when the when the the idea of staying in the comfort of what you've been doing and what is acceptable and what people approve of becomes too fucking uncomfortable to ignore. And suddenly the the the the having to face any disapproval becomes the more comfortable option. That's not that's not to say that it was easy. I still had to come up against a lot of resistance, and and in many ways, I did come up against a lot of judgment. Like I said, a lot of people thought I was crazy. Um, a lot of people thought that um I was making the biggest mistake of my life. A lot of people actually said you're gonna like when I when I packed it up and was leaving for Asia, they're like, you're gonna end up on the black market somewhere if you're gone, like traveling six months, not knowing where you are, not knowing where you're gonna be, like just kind of like winging it. You know what? Um, and yeah, it was scary. Like, of course, it was, you know, it was the first time I'd ever traveled, second time I'd ever traveled alone, but the definitely the first time I'd ever like gone away for that length of period of time and to be doing it alone and and being really uncertain about where I was going and where I was gonna stay. I literally just booked my ticket. Um like I was arriving in Bangkok in, I think it was like November, December, and then I wasn't coming back till like the following, it was November because I got there before um the lantern festival, way before the lantern festival. So I I think I was leaving like early November and I wasn't getting back until the spring. And um, you know, I had only booked like a homestay for like the first couple of days that I was there, and the rest of the bit, I was just kind of in God's good humor. Like I was like, I'm just gonna wing it and see what happens, right? Um, so I had no itinerary, nothing, nothing. I landed with my suitcase and three days booked at a home stay, which by the way, I almost totally missed because I completely screwed up my flights there. Long story. Um, interesting travel story. Um, where I had booked because I was staying out, I was landing in in Bangkok, but I was staying in Chiang Mai, so I had to book a flight from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. Little did I know that was a separate airport, so I had to like high tail, I had to like in the middle of the night rush over to the other airport to catch my flight, only to find out um that it actually left the day prior because I got my dates fucked up because the date and time changed when I it was a nightmare. Anyway, I ended up spending the night in Bangkok airport, bawling my eyes out, thinking, what have I done? Um, but anyway, um that was an interesting travel story that I love to share. It's always wildly entertaining. But point that I'm trying to make is yes, you know, it was absolutely scary um making that choice, making the the decision to to start my own business, making the decision to leave long-term, all scary, scary, scary choices. Scary on so many levels, but the biggest fear was always this one fear of what are they gonna think? And it was the one fear that had the power to each and every time stop me dead in my tracks. And for the most part, probably prolonged a lot of these decisions, to be quite honest. And it wasn't any one particular person that I was afraid of, it was just people in general. What would people say? What would my my co-workers say? What would my bosses say? What would my friends say? What would my um like my ex-boyfriend from high school who still follows me on my Instagram say, or, or the mean girls at school that I'm still connected with? Like, what would they say? You know, what would my family say? What would what would my family, my, my extended family? Like, it there were so many, there was so many um thoughts in the back of my mind about real estate, mental real estate that was given to worrying about what everyone else would say or think. And I remember um when I was in my, when I was in my relationship, I remember him pointing out to me really early on in the relationship, you know, how he said, wow, like your second thought is always like worrying about what everyone else is gonna think. Like, what does it just don't worry about what everyone else is gonna think and worry about what you want and what you think, right? And that was probably the nicest piece of advice he ever gave me, to be quite honest. Um, so I give him credit for that. And he was right, like he was totally right. Like, I did consume myself with this fear of what everyone else was gonna think. And I think when you're a people pleaser, that becomes so it, it's it's it's almost hardwired in you to have that as an afterthought and in in all of your decision making, in all of your planning. Um, is this this is this fear of what everyone else will think about everything that you say or do because there's so much tied up in what people think of you. Because as long as you're pleasing people, as long as you're doing the pleasing thing and you're moving through life and everyone's happy with you, people won't abandon you, people won't leave you, people won't judge you, people won't reject you. So pleasing becomes a trauma response, right? And I've had conversations with people who were like, but why do you like I remember having a conversation with somebody who was so and it's so funny, she was such a people pleaser and she didn't even see it because she was such a she was very much an overachiever. And she would like five minutes in the room with her, and she would be spewing out all of her achievements at you, like the minute you went, like, hi, I'm so and so. I've achieved it. Like it was like you could see it a mile away, like, God bless her, you know? Bless her heart, as they say in the South. Um, but uh, you know, she said, you know, I don't understand what it means. Like, I why why do you why are you a people pleaser? Like, or why would you even why why would anybody be a people pleaser that's so like toxic? Like, why do you have to have everyone like you? Like, it's okay if people don't like you. There's, you know, I I never worry about whether or not people like me, and which I question given her intro speech, but um, you know, people pleasing behavior, yeah, it's toxic, yeah, it's manipulative, but why is it happening? It's happening as a trauma response because our worst fear is to be abandoned and rejected and judged harshly. And so to avoid the pain of that, we people please, right? We do what people, we do what we think people want us to do. We do it what what we think will make people happy. And when we feel people unhappy around us, when we feel people in an unhappy place, we as especially as children, automatically assume it's because we've done something wrong. Like how many times have I can't, I can I so many times I've had like conversations with people saying, hey, are you mad at me because you seem, no, no, I've just had a really stressful time and I've been tired and this and that and blah, blah, blah. And oh my God. And I thought you were totally mad at me, but it turns out they were just in their own experience. So you you it is a little bit like it is a little bit like making it all about you, but it's it really comes from a place of being afraid of other people's emotional responses to anything that you're doing. You know, maybe some maybe you experienced um some repercussions for um people being unhappy with you when you were little, being punished inappropriately. I know I had experienced being punished inappropriately when I was staying at a daycare when I was really young. And so for me, like peep pleasing people felt like survival, right? And when you're a people pleaser, pleasing people feels like survival. It's not about needing to be liked. It's not about needing to have everyone, yes, it is about needing to have everyone's approval, but why? Not because of a van, it's not a vanity thing, it's a survival thing, right? And I think that's an important distinction. And so when it comes to the fear of of what people will think and and and really being seen and being visible and being authentic in who you are, um, that can be really scary. Because the last thing, because we associate um, we associate uh not being um, we associate, sorry, being abandoned and rejected with being um not safe, right? So that fear for me, and I I do believe that fear came from other lifetimes. You know, I shared in recently on a on the podcast about my past life experiences and how it led me to um, you know, what I'm doing in this life and how I'm embodying everything that I learned today, right? It's really been a lesson that I've been learning through different lifetimes. This lesson about being able to step into my power, being able to step into my truth, owning my voice, communicating my message, and not worrying about what everybody else says or thinks or any or any repercussions that may come of that. Um and so I think a lot of us who struggle with this fear of being seen, this this fear of doing the unpleasing thing, um, you know, we come from that same experience, that same visceral fear that we're not safe unless everyone around us is happy and approving of who we are and what we're doing. And so I just, you know, I I I wanna I I wanna just put it out there that usually if you have a fear, any fear, doesn't matter what fear it is, any fear that is so uncomfortable for you, that you can't move past it, that often stops you dead in your tracks, it usually means because there's something fucking amazing for you on the other side of that fear. That is literally part of your purpose. And overcoming that, whatever that fear is, whether it's the fear of doing the unpleasing thing or being, you know, not being liked by everybody or approved by everybody, or whether it's the fear of um, you know, letting go of relationships or facing your fear of money scarcity or or uh, you know, whatever, whatever the fear is that you're not gonna that you're not gonna be okay if you don't have X. Leaning into that, trusting that, and moving in spite of that is, I believe, tied to everyone's life purpose because we are hardwired to be viscerally afraid and uncomfortable with the very thing that we need to do in order to achieve a purpose in this life. It's part of our soul growth, it's a part of our soul evolution. So whatever we struggle with the most, that's what we need to be leaning into because that is where we we we fulfill the purpose of what we came here to do in this life. And for me, visibility, being being being approved of, being, you know, doing the unpleased be always being always doing the pleasing thing to make sure everyone is is happy and with me and and and approving of me and not rejecting me, that was literally my survival depended on it in my mind and in my body, right? Not logically, but like my mindset, my my my my subconscious beliefs, right? My my my my body felt it viscerally when when that fear was threatened, when I felt like like if I like for example, like if I walked into a room and I felt like everybody was talking about me before I walked in there and then everybody stopped talking as soon as I walked in, that would make me want to vomit. If um I was talking to somebody and I said something and suddenly their energy shifted and I felt like they might be judging me, even though they never said two words to me, that would make me want to vomit. If I, you know, if if if if someone was being nice to me and being um, you know, we were having this great conversation and suddenly their tone changed and they were dismissive and they cut me off, and they were, they I felt like I was being abandoned and I didn't know why, that would make me want to vomit. All of which, by the way, were incidents that happened. Like these are all things that I'm recalling in my mind right now. Because there was so much for me wrapped around this idea of people not being happy with me that went far beyond the vanity of approval and needing to be needing to be liked by everyone. It went so much deeper than that. And so for me, leaning into that was very important. Um, very important for me and for the world. I couldn't do what I do here today. I couldn't be on this podcast, I couldn't be on the social media account, I couldn't do any of the work that I'm doing if I was still worried about I would be afraid of what everyone else would think of me, right? Um, so leaning into this was really important. So the first thing that I want you to put into, I want you to drill this in your mind. You know, whatever the fear is, whether it's the fear, we're focusing right now on the fear of what everyone else will think, but whatever the fear is, but let's just focus right now on the fear of what everyone else will think. If this fear is something that you have running in your mind that is making the decisions for you, that like, what will everyone think if I start that social media account? What will everyone think if I start that online business? What will everyone think if I leave my job? What will everyone think if I leave this perfect relationship that everyone, you know, seems to think is is what everybody else wants, but I don't want it? What will everyone else think if I dress a certain way or do my hair a certain way or live a different lifestyle than than you know, if I if I go vegan or if I join a commune or whatever, if I if I start, you know, coming out of the spiritual woo-woo closet and saying what I actually believe to be true in the world and to be true spiritually, what will everyone think? I want to challenge you to realize that on the other side of whatever that thing is that you're that that you're afraid that people, what people will think about, you wouldn't be afraid of it if your greatest purpose and potential wasn't somehow tied to that. And that's part of why you're afraid of it. Because A, you need to overcome that fear, and B, your ego is terrified because it knows you have so much growth and potential on the other side. And the ego will constantly fight growth and potential, tooth and nail to keep you comfortable. So the very fact that you're afraid of it is proof that there is a massive purpose on the other side of that for you. And the way you figure it out is by leaning in, leaning into the discomfort, leaning into the scary thing, leaning into the thing that you feel like if you do that, you will die, which includes the fear of what everyone else will think. So if you're worried about what everyone else will think, know that there is a massive, if like if that's the fear that's stopping you dead in your tracks, like not just something like that's an afterthought. Like this is the fear that kind of runs your day, right? This is the fear that runs your day and makes all the decisions for you. It chooses where you work, it chooses what you do, how much you make, it chooses the outfit you put on in the morning, it chooses the color you do with your nails, it chooses the care cut you get. It even chose, oh my god, it chose like the fear of what everyone else would think, even chose like, oh my god, it chose so many things for me, like what I would wear, the hair colors I would do, the way I would do my makeup, the schools that I went to, the things that I majored in, the jobs that I took, the the how I just walked into a room and who who who I presented myself at everything went through the filter of what everyone else would think. And first of all, breaking up with that was the most fucking libering, liberating thing I ever did. Um, and it allowed me to really, really start to discover who I am and and and who I'm meant to be in this life. Um, but also it opened up so many opportunities and possibilities that I didn't even think were options until I leaned into that. So lean into that. Know that if there is something that you're saying to yourself, I really want to do X, Y, Z, but I am so terrified of what people are gonna think of me, fucking like lean into that. And when the fear comes up, the fear of what everyone else will think, you literally have to have this conversation with yourself. I would not be afraid of this if there wasn't something really truly fucking amazing on the other side. And I am just curious to see what that is. So I'm just gonna take one little step. Doesn't have to be a big thing, you know. You don't have to like, you know, if you're like me, like you don't have to quit your job tomorrow, start a YouTube channel, and you know, whatever. I think I started with a YouTube channel. I hated my YouTube channel. Oh my god, but now I do put my podcast on there. Um, but I hated doing YouTube videos. Oh my god, it was like a full-time job. But anyway, I digress. Um if you know, lean in, take some steps towards that thing. You don't have to fully commit, right? You're not getting married to the experience. You're just gonna lean in a little bit. You're gonna take a few steps in that direction and see what happens. See toe test, right? I always love the toe test method. Take one little tiny step, see how the temperature feels. Do you like it? Don't you? Do you want to tweak it? Change it. Actually, it's kind of exciting and fun. I'm gonna take one more step. Oh, it's getting a little uncomfortable, but I'm still curious to see what's on the other side. I'm gonna take one more step and one more and one more and one more. And this is literally how I did it. One tiny step at a time. You only have to take one tiny step in that direction. And that is gonna give you so much data as to whether or not that's the right direction for you, or if it's not, if it's exciting, if it's thrilling, if it's motivating, if it's inspiring, if it's yeah, I don't like it at all, or yeah, I kind of like it, but it's really scary. But kind of want more. So I'm gonna just keep taking some more steps slowly. That's how you kind of figure it out. And all the while you have to remind yourself, and and I am proof of this. The people who matter won't care. They might, they might feel a little bit uncomfortable by it, they might have an opinion, they might not agree, they might try and steer you another direction, but it's coming from a place of love, it's not coming from judgment. But the people who love you will be there. And the people who don't won't. And you'll know right away who the people you can count on are. And you know what? All the other people that you're worried about that are gonna what they're gonna say about you, they're really not gonna be, they're really not gonna notice. I can tell you right now, nobody from my corporate career knows what I'm doing right now, unless they follow me on Instagram, which there wasn't that many, to be honest. Um, but nobody even knows what I'm doing right now. I haven't like run into anybody. I think maybe I ran into somebody once or twice. Um, and they actually thought it was amazing what I was doing. And the few people that have followed me actually said, Wow, I really love what you're doing. I really love the content that you're putting out. I listen to your podcast all the time. I follow your thing. Like there, there, there is so much more love to experience in owning who you are and being that version of you that you're afraid of what everyone else is gonna think of. There is so much more love on the other side of that and authentic connections and aligned connections than you will ever find when you're being some alternative version of yourself because you think that's the version that's gonna get you the likes and the accolades and the acceptance that you're hoping for. But somewhere you've just convinced yourself that it's scary, that you're gonna be rejected, that it's wrong, that it's bad, that people won't like it, that you'll be alone, that you're gonna be, you know, abandoned, shamed, and rejected for. And that usually, again, that oftentimes that that's not even something that you learned in this lifetime. That's something that you're carrying from past lives. I was literally, I remember being like executed for for some for some of the wisdom and the practices and and and and the rituals that I was sharing, right? Um, so yeah, the the the fear of not being liked and not being socially accepted, it was a very real thing for me. It my survival depended on what other people thought of me. And so it was so scary to lean into that and to take steps toward that thing that scared me more than anything else in the world, was basically leaning into my passion, my arts, my gifts, my intuition, um, and and what I know about my spiritual journey and and and you know, my spiritual evolution and how how that's shifted, right? And how I help people and how I heal people. And so it was terrifying for me. But as I started to lean in, it got easier. One like little tiny steps. And the first step is always the scariest. Take little tiny steps. And then you'll want to take the next one and the next one. And before you know it, baby steps, you will get there. But you don't think of it as one, it's not one big change that happens where today, you know, sometimes we think of it as, you know, today I am working at my corporate job. I am working nine to 10 hour days. I'm exhausted, I'm miserable, I'm so unhappy, I am so unfulfilled. I just want to cry. I go to the bathroom to cry at 10:30 in the morning after the morning me huddle. And I basically count the minutes until the end of the day when I can come home. And tomorrow I'm gonna burn it all down. I'm gonna quit my job. I'm gonna start an online business. Um no, it doesn't happen like that. It doesn't happen like overnight. It happens slowly over time. So if you can commit to taking one tiny action and not worrying about anything beyond that, that in itself will help heal a lot of that fear. Um, and if it's the fear of what everyone else will think, again, half the people ain't ever gonna notice. And the people who are close to you who do notice, you'll know exactly who are the people that are gonna love you for who you are and not for who you pretend to be for their sake, for their approval sake, you know. Um, you'll know right away. And you know what? When those relationships start to leave, yeah, it's uncomfortable at first, and it and it can be, but at the end of the day, when you're surrounded by people who actually accept you for you and not for some fake um uh manufactured version that you've you that you've put out there to like, you know, protect yourself from being abandoned or rejected, life just gets to be so much easier, and relationships just get to be so much more loving and fulfilling and supportive. And and you can finally relax into just being yourself and not having to worry about what everyone else is gonna say or think about you anymore. And that is that, I think for me, has been the most liberating thing of all of this experience is being able to not give a flying fuck what anybody else thinks of me because I know that the people who love me will love me no matter what. Even if they don't agree with me, they will still love me. And I'm good with that because I'd rather be surrounded by a few people who love and appreciate me, everything about me, than be surrounded by people who love a fabricated version of me that I created in order to be liked and loved and accepted and by everyone else around me. People that at the end of the day don't really care about me or my well-being or my fulfillment, who who place, who place their own um expectations over my fulfillment, my joy, my purpose in this life. Don't want it. Don't want it at all. Now, mind you, like obviously, like a lot of self-worth work went into a lot of this too, because you know, in order to be able to stand in that truth, um, you know, you do have to be willing to let go of some people. You do have to be willing to let go to know that you are worthy regardless of what other people think of you. So there is some self-worth work to be done there as well. But if you can just take one choice at a time in the direction of what it is that you're afraid that people are gonna judge you for, that people are gonna shame, throw shade at you for, reject you for, like they kick you out of the tribe for, right? Whatever that is, whatever that fear is, if you're afraid of what people will think if you leave that job, afraid of what people will think if you cut your hair, afraid of what people will think if you like grow your hair, decide it to take off the pumps and be a hippie for the rest, whatever the fear is, whatever it is. If you can take one little tiny step each and every day in the direction of that that you are craving, that you are wanting, that you are afraid that if you follow through, people are gonna judge, shame, shade, or hate you for it, keep taking steps towards that, one little bit at a time, and remind yourself that the people who love you will always Always be there, and you are gonna actually attract more people who love you for who you are, and you'll start to see it, and that evidence will start to just reinforce that belief, and you'll take more action and you'll find more aligned connections and more people who love and value what you have to offer and your perspective and your message or who you are or what you bring to the table or who you are in the world or who you are in your relationships, right? You'll meet more people who love and appreciate that. You'll you'll validate that further. You'll get you'll you'll reinforce that belief further. You'll take more steps, and before you know it, you'll go through this whole evolution that you've literally taken one baby step at a time in the direction of what made you uncomfortable. And that is always where your greatest purpose, your greatest potential lies. Okay. So let me know what you take from this episode. And as always, please, if you love this episode, please like, please leave a message or a comment or a rating or a review, whatever the heck you do in the world of podcasting, wherever you're seeing this on Spotify or on iTunes. Until next time, you guys, massive love.

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Maria

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