The Femme Cast

My Journey Through Past Lives | Healing the Divine Masculine & Feminine Within

• Maria Rei

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What if the patterns shaping your life today began centuries ago? On this milestone episode of The Unapologetic Feminine Awakening Edition: Rebel, Rise, Radiate, I share my personal past life memories and reveal how they prepared me for the work I do now—helping women reclaim their voice, embody self-love, and heal their relationships with both the feminine and masculine within.

From a hidden scribe preserving sacred knowledge underground, to a woman stoned for refusing conformity, a Puritan wife exiled for her rage, and a hardened general whose grief hardened into domination—each memory illuminates the lessons that shaped my soul purpose. These lifetimes taught me how power without healing harms, and how strength aligned with empathy serves life, relationships, and leadership.

In this episode, I share how my past lives show us how to:

🎤 Reclaim our voices and speak our truth unapologetically
🎤 Transform fear, anger, and betrayal into self-love, compassion, and empowerment
🎤 Heal the wounds of masculine energy hardened by grief, drive, or control
🎤 Balance divine feminine intuition, receptivity, and emotional alchemy with masculine strength
🎤 Build safety, integrity, and alignment in our lives, relationships, and communities

You’ll also hear the most visceral threads of ancestral trauma—the “mold trigger” of sisterhood wounds—and how they reveal practical ways to integrate the masculine and feminine within us all. These past life memories aren’t just stories—they’re a map for transformation, showing how fully healed power protects, creates, and leads with compassion.

This episode is a masterclass in past life healing, spiritual awakening, divine feminine empowerment, divine masculine balance, healing trauma, self-love, feminine energy, soul purpose, and empowerment. If you’ve ever wondered why certain patterns feel “too big” or how to step unapologetically into your purpose, this conversation will guide you to embody your voice, your power, and your truth.

Ready to stop shrinking for others? Let this episode be your sign → Step into your Unapologetic Era: https://thefemmecast.com/breakthrough

SPEAKER_00:

Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show and welcome to episode 150. I'm so excited you guys. Um thank you so much for being here, for being along on this ride. I am so excited to be at 150 episodes. Um there was actually more, but I deleted a huge batch in the beginning of ones when I first started that I wasn't, I just wasn't happy with, and I just deleted them and started over. Um so here we are, 150 episodes. Um we are, we've been down this up, this podcast um has been downloaded in almost 100 countries, just under 100. I think it's like 94, 95 countries, and over 1100 cities, you guys, across the world. And we are in the top 10%. Slowly trying to make my way to the top five. I'm I'm I'm inching my way there. So um thank you so much for being here and thank you so much for being on this journey with me. I love and adore each and every one of you, and I'm so excited about the content that we're talking about the direction that we're going in, um, because it has been so liberating these fast last few episodes. And I just feel like I'm finally fully stepping into my message. Not that I was not being authentic before, um, but I think I was holding back a lot because I was on, I didn't want to share the polarizing content. I didn't want to share um the stuff that I think was gonna be triggering for a lot of people. And now that I've really started to share it, yes, I've triggered and I've ruffled a few feathers, and I'm sorry, but I'm not. Um, but I am I'm loving it. I am loving it because this, this is, this is me. This is me, this is what I believe, this is what I've learned. And apparently, as you're gonna find out today, this is what the work that my soul has been doing for literally centuries. So this is part five of the unapologetic feminine awakening series. Um, if you haven't listened to the masterclass, you can go ahead and listen to that now. There's actually a link in the show notes where you can download the masterclass, the playlist, um, and also get access to some really wild and powerful affirmations and journal prompts that are going to support you in really harnessing your sacred feminine superpowers. Um, but today we're gonna be talking about my journey through my past lives. Um, this is hard for me to talk about because, you know, I am somebody who was intuitive from a very young age. Um, it it's actually it's it runs in my family. A lot of us are wildly intuitive. Um, and at a young age, I started to have like these visions and and intuitive uh guidance sort of starting to come through, but I didn't really know how to explain it or how to articulate. And then when I went into my teens, it really started to amp up. Um, and it started to get more obvious what was happening, and I was really starting to be able to really understand what was happening and be able to articulate it, and it was scary. It was scary because I was never a spiritual person, I was a religious person. Um, and so many things that my religion taught me that I'm questioning now. Um, but one of those things was, you know, that intuition is bad and you know, psychic gifts are bad. And it, you know, so I went through this phase of being afraid of it, of being, you know, some of the things that I was picking up. It was scary for me and it was uncomfortable. And it also made me wonder was I a bad person for for having this ability, for having this power. Um, and so I shut it down. I shut it down pretty quick, and I tried as much as I could to stay in logic and reason and on the straight and narrow path. And then somewhere around 40, um, I went through what can only be described as a spiritual awakening, where I really started to see the through the cracks of my life, of the the reality that I had created, of what I'd been feeling and and thinking and believing my entire lifetime, and where it just wasn't resonating for me anymore. And I went through this whole like massive evolution um to really open up to my my my soul path, my spiritual gifts, um, and to really, really come back to myself. And the reality is, is, and and I'm gonna get into the detail, um, and again, this is so esoteric for me. So this is not something that I'm very comfortable talking about because I was so practical and logical my whole life. So for me to be sitting here to like talking to you about my past life journey experience is kind of weird. Well, it's not weird for me now because now I get it, now I believe it. Now I'm I actually have proof. I actually have proof that my past life experience was actually like what I what what what I saw in my journey through my past lives was actually real. I have concrete proof that the visions that I saw, the stories that I saw, the people that I was, the lifetimes that I lived, the struggles that I experienced, I have concrete proof that they were real. And that kind of scares the fuck out of me a little bit, but also I kind of love it because the reality is I have been doing this work for lifetimes. Um, so I'm glad I'm finally like letting it out and letting it be seen and letting it um, you know, kind of be out there in the world. So um, so in this episode, like I said, we're gonna talk through my journey through my past lives, soul purpose, and healing the divine feminine and masculine within. And this has really been the journey that I've been on for as for every lifetime that I've remembered, literally. Um, and so um I'm gonna be sharing, um, I'm gonna be sharing some of my most vivid past life experiences and visions that I had. And I'm gonna be tying it back to themes about how we heal the masculine, the feminine within, and where we might might have taken a wrong turn, right? Um and you know, I I say this and I want to stress this. I have been the oppressor and the oppressed, I have been the persecuted and the persecutor. I've I've dabbled in each side, and I've been in a masculine and I've been in a feminine role. I've been um in both healthy and toxic masculinity. I've been in, I've been an oppressed feminine in several lifetimes, um, you know, where I was um silenced or punished or um, you know, exiled for, you know, trying to step into my power. So this is something that is very alive for me in my energy. And so I'm gonna try and kind of stay as grounded as I can as I kind of share um, you know, what this journey taught me about healing the masculine and the feminine within and our soul's journey and all of this. So um the first I so let me let me just set the stage for a second as to why I did this, okay, and why I went down this this path to go down this journey, um, which, like I said, for me was like weird at the time. I was like, past lives, really? Are we really going there? Because, you know, I I was very practical my entire life, and all of a sudden I go through a spiritual awakening when I was around 40, and suddenly, like, I'm leaning into intuition, I'm doing meditations, I'm chanting, I'm channeling, I'm buying oracle cards and and and intuiting what they're trying to tell me. And now I'm like, okay, well, might as well do past life regression, sure, why not? Um, but it was uncomfortable for me at first, and I had a hard time believing that it was a real thing. Um, but here's why I did it, and here's what finally pushed me over the edge to really do it. I've always had this aversion to the taste of um like that moldy earth taste. Um, very much so that I couldn't put my finger on it. So, you know, that taste that you get in your mouth if you like, you know, accidentally bite into some moldy bread or something or bad fruit, right? And it gets that that very earthy, moldy taste. I've I I've always had a very um strong aversion to that taste, and it would almost it would make me gag every time I accidentally, you know, bit something that tasted that way. It would literally make me gag. Um, and this was always a thing, and it didn't happen very often. It was just, it was a thing, right? It was just like I hated it. I couldn't stand it. But there was a period, there was a period shortly after um I turned 40, maybe a couple, maybe this was after I came back from Asia, I believe. Um and I was I was really heavily into my spiritual healing journey, right? I started to have multiple episodes where I feel like I don't know what was happening in that time, but for some reason I kept eating moldy bread. Like I just would bite into a sandwich, suddenly I would taste mold. I would go to the cafe, I would order, I remember one time I ordered a bagel with cheddar and a coffee, and I tasted mold in the bread. I would order a fruit salad from the grocery store. I was eating it in the car on the way home, like as a snack, um, mold. And I'd like, and and it was getting so intense. Like my response to the taste of that mold was getting so intense that um I would actually start to gag um and almost dry heave, and I would start to panic. I'm like, this is not normal. Like something about this just doesn't feel right. Like I feel like there's something more here. Um, and I could sense it. I could sense that there was more going on beneath the surface than just a reaction to mold. So I spoke to a friend of mine and she's like, you know what? She's like, you should totally have a past life regression and see where that's coming from because that sounds like it was literally like I was having an emotional flashback to something, but I didn't know what. I thought maybe it was something in my early childhood, maybe something I choked on or something, and then it was coming back, like you know, something along those lines. But she's like, you know what? It's not and it was, it was truly an emotional flashback. She was bang on with that, and so I decided to to to reach out and have like early childhood slash past life regression session done. Um, so I reached out to this lady and I've actually tried to find her contact information so I could put it in the show notes, but I've not managed to find it yet, but I will. Um, and I will eventually put it in the show notes. I don't know if she does online, but I I had in-person sessions with her. Um, so what we did was um, you know, we did the session together, and so we started to journey to discover, you know, what was kind of coming up for me, where was I, where I was at, where I was at in my life, and what my past lifetimes were kind of trying to show me. So there were multiple. So there was, I think, I mean, I am gonna mention six, six lifetimes that I remembered where there was detail that I could I could share with you that lends well to you know the topic of the conversation. I don't think I remembered much other than what I'm talking about here. If I did, they were flashes and I couldn't make sense of what was happening. Okay. So the first one that I remembered was where I was uh writing something. Well, I don't know, it wasn't a book. I I got the sense that I was kind of I was some sort of a scribe or like record keeper or uh but I was writing and I was trying to write stuff down that I knew and I was right, like I remember writing so hard I could hear like the pencil score the pen um scratching the paper as I was writing it. I was feverishly trying to write down as much as I could. It was like a race against the clock, and I I was on I was in an underground something, like um it was like a cave in the rocks. There were two lifetimes apparently where I was in a cave. It was like a cave underground in the rocks. Um, I remember I was surrounded by bookshelves and they were filled with books, and I had books all over my desk and a lantern lit. Um, and I was trying to write all this information down, and overhead there was this round circular window, um, the top of the the the cabin or whatever you want to call it, um, bunker, underground bunker. There was a a round window, like a like a latch, like a doorway. And I remember hearing this massive thunderbolt, and I and I I just kind of shook and I I looked up and you could see like there was a storm, a massive storm coming in overhead. And my my sense at the time, it was that I was writing stuff down, wisdom, knowledge, truth, whatever. Um, I was writing it down as fast as I could before this incoming catastrophic storm hit, whatever it was. Um, I got the sense that time was running out and I needed to write things down and as much down as soon as possible. Um, and so that was it. That was all I remembered from that lifetime. And that was the first one. So definitely there's something there about wisdom and like wisdom, knowledge, things carried over, like things that are trying to be recorded from a different timeline, from a different era. Um, and also like, you know, just recognizing, you know, what this means, I think, for each and every one of us is, you know, sometimes there is sacred knowledge that we're carrying, whether spoken or not, hidden or not. Um, and I think that, you know, there's this um, there's this need, there's this fear for us to kind of preserve a lot of this wisdom. So just, you know, kind of take that with a grain of salt and and and and let it mean, you know, what it means for you. But that that that's kind of the sense that I got. But definitely this theme of like having access to some sort of wisdom or truth or teaching and trying to write it down so that it doesn't get lost, as and writing down as much as I could before it's too late. Okay. The second one that I remembered, and um in this particular, this was also just a flash. Okay, so these ones were just very short flashes, very short instances. I didn't get very deep into the stories behind a lot of these. I really didn't get deep into the story until the last couple, and we're gonna talk about those, but um, the stoned woman. So I remember being stoned. I was standing against a wall that also felt like stone. I was standing against a wall that also felt like stone. I was crouched down and men were stoning me. It wasn't for promiscuity or anything like that. Like that, that's not what I was being stoned for, but I believe what it felt like to me is that I was being stoned for non-conforming. I was being stoned for stepping out of um my role or what was expected of me or being challenging or or going against the grain. And that and then that's kind of the sense that I got because I wasn't, I didn't get this feeling that I was promiscuous in any way. I just felt this feeling like I was, like I had been um, I had been charged with something, something to do with um how I presented myself in society. Um, nothing to do with promiscuity and more to do with um, you know, who I believed I was and how I showed up in the world. So um, and that's just the sense that I got again, right? And so um there I was and I was crouched down and they were stoning me. I couldn't feel the stones hitting. Thank God I didn't want to feel that. Um I couldn't feel it happening, but I could hear them hitting. I could hear them hitting the wall around me and kind of bouncing off and making that cracking sound. And I could also like I would just I remember just being crouched down in fetal position, and you know, when you brace for impact, I was like bracing for impact, and like I almost got this sense that one was about to hit me when I woke up and came out of that um vision. Um, and so um, you know, the sense that I got from that, um, you know, it takes yes, I got the sense that obviously, you know, I I was being persecuted for um, you know, having the courage to speak my mind or to to live in my truth and and be the honest um expression of of who I believe that I was. And I I that's what I'm guessing. And that it went against the grain of of what society said a woman should be or the role she should play in society. Um, so definitely there was something there about, you know, me, you know, surprise, surprise, not conforming, right? And and and stepping out of what um society expected, but also, you know, this importance of, you know, staying true to your essence. Sometimes, you know, we've all had past life experiences. And if you follow this podcast, then chances are you've had some past life experiences yourself. Sometimes following who our authentic truth is is very scary because we may have been persecuted for it in a past life, or we may have been rejected for it in a past life, or we may have been exiled in a past life. And so sometimes the fear that we come up against, that that when we experience that fear, like it feels like the fear of death if we're if we're not accepted by the people around us, or if we stand out or or do the wrong thing or or say something, and then realize that you know people aren't accepting what we're saying or being rejected for it, that can be really scary. Um, and it can feel really uncomfortable. And the invitation with this is to remember is to lean into that fear and to lean into that discomfort and continue to try and share your truth and share your wisdom and be yourself anyway. Um, and and and just trying to, you know, cultivate that safety so that you within yourself, so that you can be the fullest and most honest expression of yourself. Because there could be many things, many gifts, many talents, many truths, many wisdoms that you're afraid to bring forward because maybe you were prosecuted for them in a past life. Okay. So have a think on that. The third one, and this is where it starts to get more visual. And this is the one that I also have proof happened. Okay, so pay attention. So um in this one, so the third one, I was a Puritan wife, okay. Um, it was so clear and so vivid for me um what going through this journey and through this, this, this lifetime, because I can remember it was a light-colored wooden cabin. It almost looked like a pine color, or maybe something just slightly darker than a pine. Um, but it looked like a a very like blondish wood cabin. Um, very clean, very new. It almost looked like it was freshly built. I could actually just smell the wood in the vision. And um, I, you know, Puritan wife, I kind of and I had this this really like strong, big, hulky, broody husband. We almost look like, if you remember Popeye, I don't know if anybody remembers Popeye, but I used to watch Popeye all the time as a kid. Um, and I can remember being really uncomfortable with Brutus, but uh we look like Olive Oil and Brutus. Like, if I had to paint an image, that's who we look like. We look like Olive Oil and Brutus from Popeye. And I also had these two children, a boy and a girl. Um, my husband was Bruty, very stoic, very straight faced, very like non-real, like just just um not mean, but controlling. I felt very controlled. I felt he was very controlled, um, and just serious and stern. And my two children were like, you know, they look like little Puritan children, but you know, they had the same sort of um mannerisms or characteristics as their father. They were also like very like stoic, very straight-faced, you know, no, no one was smiling, no one was smiling, no one would, everyone was just very straight-faced and very reserved and very um oppressed. And in this vision, I was screaming, I was roaring in rage. I had so much rage in me, and I was unlike I was just roaring it out of myself and out of my body. And my husband and my children were just there looking at me like they were completely disappointed in me, like they completely rejected me as a result, like they wanted nothing to do with me because I was letting out my rage. And so the next thing that I remember is being on the outside of the cabin, looking in in the cold ground, and I could smell the earth, and there was that earthy smell in the air, and the earth was cold. There was no leaves on the trees, so the sense that I got was that it was it was either late fall or early spring. The sense I got was that it was early spring because the ground was very, again, very moist, very cold, um, and it had that that moldy, um, heavy, earthy smell. And there was that um that uh not humidity, that dampness in the air that usually, you know, that you usually sense in early spring. No snow on the ground, everything had melted, but everything felt very cold, very damp. Um, and so I was outside in the dirt watching um and looking inside the cabin through the window where there was like this warm glow of like lantern light, and suddenly like my my husband and my children were happy because I wasn't there, and so I was feeling very left out in the cold, literally. Um, and all because I expressed myself, because I was because I let my emotion out, probably not in the best way. Um, but yeah, I was filled with so much rage that it finally just came out and they completely rejected me and exiled me for it. So um, you know, this really was probably where, you know, growing up, you know, I was always so repressed with my emotion. I would always had a hard time expressing how I was feeling. And when I did come out, it was clunky, it was messy, it was damaging, like it was never a good, it was never a good scene. Um, and that's probably where a lot of that came from. Um, so you know, in reflection, and before I even get to the reflection, actually, let's just say two things. I later had a follow-up vision to that vision where my husband and I were sitting across from each other at that same pine wood table that matched the walls, right? Everything was pine, even the furniture was pine or pine-ish. Um, so we were sitting at that pine wood table, sitting up against propped against the wall, two chairs opposite each other. We were holding hands, and I was expressing to him how I was feeling. Or I was expressing to him um what I was feeling, what I was going through, why I did what I did. And he met me with understanding. Okay. He met me with understanding, and we were coming together and we were connecting and we were communicating and we were hearing each other and we were holding space for each other. So there was a healing and a transformation that took that took place in that lifetime. Um, and I don't know what happened between those two points from the point of where, you know, I was kicked out and I was out in the cold to having then the conversation with him where we're holding holding hands and finding understanding. What I did know is that I was being honest about what I was feeling and I was communicating it in a way that wasn't damaging to our relationship, right? And so I think that's a very important lesson, right? Like I think, you know, when it comes to communicating our truth, um, you know, we can be open and honest in our communication and we can and we and I healthy relationships need our honesty. They need our authentic expression, right? But we need to learn to do it in ways that um aren't damaging to the relationship. And I think um, you know, releasing a rave, the rage that was behind a lot of those communications was a huge part in that. And so that's where I think emotional alchemy really came into play for me and why I do that kind of work that I do. Um, because so much of what we experience and what we feel and what we manifest and and and the patterns that we experience in our relationships comes down to emotions that we've repressed and that we're holding on to and that are literally trying to kick in and scream their way out. Um, and when we learn to actively and consciously hold space for those to be present, to be felt, to be experienced, and to move through them. Um, and then communicate from a calm and neutral state and move and make decisions from a calm and neutral state, I think it really transforms um how we show up in our lives and in our relationships and what's truly available and what we can truly manifest. That ability to kind of sit in the discomfort of some very uncomfortable emotions has been probably the one of the most life-changing things that I've ever learned. And that's why I kind of hold my clients through that now, um, because it has been so life-changing for me. Um, so but um, you know, understanding that you have learned lessons in other lifetimes that will bring value into what, you know, whatever current dynamics or circumstances that you're moving through. And also sometimes emotions can be carried over from one lifetime to the next. So sometimes when there's when you're holding on to an emotion that you can explain it, you know, is it from this lifetime? Is it yours? Is it somebody else's, or is it something that you brought in from a past life? You know, these are important questions that we can, you know, reflect on. And your intuition, when you start to get really like, when you start to get really in tune with your intuition, it'll it'll start to answer those questions for you and you'll be able to trust it. And that's one of the things that we talk about in um in the um feminine awakening superpowers that I talked about in the masterclass. One of I think the first ones that we talked about was intuition. So you can go ahead and check that out. Um, okay, so the next lifetime, and this was another short, very, very short flash. Okay, it almost felt like there were two lives that I was shown back to back. Because first I saw one life and it felt a little uncomfortable for me. And then I saw I immediately saw the next life. Um, so the first life that I saw, I was a man. I had um, I I felt like I I kind of looked like I had this tall, sort of lanky body. Um I was naked at the time. I don't know why I was naked, but I was naked. Um, but I was this tall man, naked, long curly hair. And I remember I had my hands like kind of opened up to the sky, and I was looking up to God, and I kind of felt like I was in complete surrender, you know? Um, and maybe that's why it was uncomfortable for me. I don't know. Maybe it was a surrendering that was uncomfortable. Maybe it was because um, you know, this was very early on in my journey, and I felt like this was a man who was um a little bit more comfortable being in his feminine energy, not to say this is not this is not an expression of his um, what's it called? Um this was not an expression of his sexual preference, okay? This was about energy, okay? Let's make that clear. Um, sexual preference has nothing, gender has nothing to do with anything about what we're talking about today. Energy is energy and exists in all of us in different ratios, okay? Just accept that it is not linked to gender, it is not linked to sexual, like sexual preference. Um, this man would felt like a man who was very comfortable being in this feminine, which felt a little foreign to me at the time. I'm not gonna lie, it felt a little uncomfortable. Um, and he had completely surrendered to God, and it's almost like in in that moment in his nakedness, he was able to be fully vulnerable and fully seen and fully in his authenticity without, you know, it was almost like his ego was gone, you know, and he was just pure, um empowered masculine and feminine energy, like surrendering to a higher power. And that was uncomfortable for me, right? I remember feeling uncomfortable. I was like, I'm like, I don't think I want to stay here much longer. Like, I think I want to go. But I think and I think the important thing to mention with that is it can be uncomfortable to surrender. It can be uncomfortable um being fully um. Tapped into and being able to embody both your masculine and your feminine in healthy ways and surrendering to a higher power and trusting that in the union of those two beautiful energies, you are capable of so much magic. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. And I think, I think we have been intentionally programmed to feel uncomfortable in that space. Okay. Um, sorry, I'm picking like eyelashes or something out of my eye. Um, so that was the end of that. So, so, you know, remembering, you know, true power is, you know, that the true power that comes from having faith in a higher power and humility and being in divine alignment and divine access to both your masculine or feminine. You know, where is that maybe uncomfortable for you? Where have you been taught to not lean on your masculine, which is, you know, it's very much creating foundations and taking actions and building structure and protection. And where have you been discouraged from being in your feminine, which is really about higher wisdom and intuition and creativity and and and nurturing, right? Um, so really look at those those two, and maybe I think we need to do an episode on what each of those energies actually means to really give help give people some clarity, and maybe we'll do that in the next episode. So, on to the next lifetime. The I hate to say this. Well, it was an army general. I'd hate to say he was a Confederate general. Um I can only tell by the the tunic he was wearing, like he was wearing the traditional Confederate tunic. But initially, in the vision, I didn't see him right away as a general. What I first saw was a little boy. Um, and he was holding a woman's hand, and I couldn't see the woman, but I could see the boy, and I could see his hand holding the woman's hand, so I can only see the woman's hand from probably her forearm down. And I could see, I'm not a big history buff by any means. Um, but I'm gonna guess this was somewhere in the 1800s before the Civil War because I was a child at the time, or maybe it was just the beginning, I don't know. Um, but she was wearing like, you know, the full like pioneer-ish type skirts. Um, and so I and I could see the ruffle on her sleeve. Um, and she was holding my hand. And as and we're standing on one side of the street, we're standing on a wooden planked um boardwalk of some sort. It was roofed, um, maybe behind maybe we were walking in or just past or out of a mercantile of some sort. Um, and across the street, it was a dirt road. I was seeing like horse-drawn carriages walk back and forth or go back and forth on the road. And on the opposite side of the street was a white church with just a door. I saw the white church with the steeple and just a door, but the windows were along the sides. There was no windows in the front. It was a very narrow, long church, and I saw the church explode. And in that moment, I was overcome with so much grief. I don't know who was in the church. Maybe it was my family, because I didn't get the sense that the woman that I was with was my family. I got the sense maybe she was a teacher or a guide or a caretaker of some sort or somebody who was just kind of watching me for a moment. Um, but so I don't know if maybe my family was in the church or just the townspeople who were in there that I felt so much grief for. But I remember being overcome with grief and like crippling grief. And then that grief immediately almost immediately turned into anger and hate. Um and and then in the next moment, I saw myself as the Confederate general. And I was leading a battle, and I was leading so many young men into battle. Um, and the reality was is that I was so focused on getting back at uh revenge, at overpowering, at winning, at gain, gaining strength and power over whoever it was, I guess, that was responsible. I I I guess it was, you know, it had something to do with the civil war. I I'm not sure. Um but whoever I felt was responsible, which was whoever on the other side of the battlefield was at the time, um, all I wanted to do was was was literally like like d d d take their power away completely and have them annihilated, have them destroyed. That was all I care about. All I cared about was destroying the enemy, taking out the enemy. And whatever means I could, and whatever strategy I could use, my only goal was to take out the enemy. And in that process, so many soldiers lost their lives. I actually saw the I actually saw a vision of a young woman. Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional. I actually saw the image of a young woman jumping in front of a bullet to save her partner who's on the battlefield. Um I I I killed so many young men in in that experience. I widowed so many women in this quest for authority, in this quest for power, in this quest for annihilating a whole group or population of people that caused me so much pain as a child. So it was a lot of, you know, a lot of what was behind, you know, my rage and my anger, my aggression. And even then, like no emotion, no emotion whatsoever. It was like I was a programmed killing machine. I felt nothing other than, you know, how many more people can I take out today? And and what what steps can I take to take out as many people as possible? I was a programmed killer, basically. Um, and in the and then I flash forward to the end of that lifetime when I was an old man. I was an old man, I was living alone, I was smoking, um, I was in a cabin in a very hot climate. It was another again, another wood cabin, but this one was darker. Um, it's kind of in the middle of nowhere. You could see tumbleweeds rolling past where I was. So I I got the sense that I was somewhere in the southwest in my old age, um, smoking and died alone in bed um with a cigarette in my hand. And that cigarette fell to the ground, and then I didn't see anything after that. Um, so you know, a real huge lesson, lesson on the shad, like on the shadow side of power, yes, but also understanding where the shadow side of power comes from. It comes from unhealed pain and trauma, right? Um, and really being able to understand that beneath the hate, beneath the anger, beneath the the quest for power and having more and taking more and controlling and and and and and taking advantage, you know, all under all of that was hatred and anger. And under that was this massive unhealed grief. And so, you know, again, the healing, the healing journey, and this was really the understanding, you know, the imbalance masculine and why um, you know, sometimes they can be the aggressor or the oppressor because they've never, and again, it's nothing to do with men and women, guys. Like everyone in my comments was making this about men, and it's not about men, although, well, I mean, yes, men last week's episode was a little bit, but um, this is about masculine and feminine. It's about giving them masculine permission to feel their emotions. So giving, giving ourselves permission to be in our feminine and feel the uncomfortable emotions that are lurking beneath the surface. Because these are what can become destructive in our lives and make us make destructive decisions um and and and and sort of take out a lot of our unprocessed pain on other people. Um, and it's it is when this is when we become separate from our heart space and separate from love, is when we're holding on to all this unprocessed trauma. Um, and it's not to say that unprocessed trauma is bad. We all have it. I just think um what we're seeing more and more is the importance of not avoiding it anymore and just giving each other the space and the permission to experience it, to move through it, to release it, to let it out of our physical body, our emotional body, our energy body, so that we can tap into a different layer of an emotional experience. Otherwise, we just become stuck and repressed and disconnected. And this is when we unfortunately do become capable of doing some pretty tragic things. Um, because, you know, funny thing happens, you know, we all repress emotion. Um, I repressed quite a bit of it, you know, growing up. And it took me a long time to really be able to kind of process through the backlog, if you will, of repressed emotions. Um, but sometimes we can become so repressed in our emotional experience that we completely we don't want to feel anything, so we completely disconnect from ourselves. And sometimes when we do that, it's very dangerous because we can also disconnect from empathy, from remorse, from understanding. And I think that, you know, one of the beautiful things about the human experience is being able to experience and feel all a whole scope of emotion. And we've done a really good job at making certain emotions bad and certain emotions good and avoid these ones and feel these ones. And, you know, really the path to healing is being able to fully heal, is being able to fully experience all of those and to do so in very healthy, healing ways, so that we're not either, you know, projecting them onto people around us or taking them out on people around us or pressing them completely and disconnecting from self and empathy and all these other beautiful, healthy emotions that we have access to, right? Um, so that's kind of the lesson in that experience, and that brings us to the last one, okay. And this one was by far the most telling of all of them. Okay. And that was um, I remember seeing myself as an old woman, okay. Um, I was cloaked, old, gray, straggly hair, and I was living in a cave, not an underground this time. This time I was above ground. Um, but again, there was that earthy smell around me. I felt like I was I was in a forest. Um, and there was a stone cave in the forest, like within like the hills or the mountains or something. Um and as I saw her face, and then I saw her in the cave, and then the next thing I know, I felt someone grab me by my cloak and start dragging me, right? And there was multiple men, and I could see their feet, and they were just dragging me, and I could fear their, I could hear their feet stomping on the trail as they dragged me along on my cloak. And the next thing I know it was nighttime. This was in the daytime, and the next thing I know, I can see that it's nighttime. I'm in a grave and they're burying me alive. And I could clearly see now that they are clergymen, um, and they're burying me alive. I think one person is reading me my last rites um while they're doing this. Um, and so I'm being buried alive, and this is where the choking on that mold-tasting earth started to happen, and I started to feel it, and I started to feel like I was like um like gagging on it and choking on it. Um, and then the next thing I know, like I'm literally buried alive underground. And then I flashed to the next scene, and there's literally three women who were how do I describe them? Um, they were mystics, they were definitely mystics, but they were of a younger generation, and the impression that I got from them was that they were in service to the clergymen. Funny enough, right? Um, and and and they were reaping the benefits of of that service. Um, so take that to mean what you will, because I wasn't clear on it, but I I kind of got insight, like, was it sexual? Was it like, was it sexual benefits, was it material? I don't know. What did they were they given power? I there was definitely, there was definitely, there was definitely benefits on both sides. What those benefits looked like, I'm not 100% sure. Um, but basically the what what I got from that journey was that they had ratted me out to the clergyman because they wanted to get rid of me, because I was very powerful. And I remember actually, and I forgot to mention, when they grabbed me and started to drag me, I saw in my hand I was holding a hand-tied um dried bundle of lavender that fell. Well, as they started to drag me, it fell out of my hand. I saw it fall and drop on the ground. So the impression that I got was I was a normalist of some sort. I was a healer of some sort. And I guess they didn't want me around anymore because something about me threatened those women. Um, whether I was more powerful than them, whether I had more knowledge or wisdom than them, whether I had more healing gifts than maybe I I actually think I actually saw right through them. Um, and um they didn't like that very much. So um they told the clergyman clergymen where to find me. The clergymen came, dragged me, buried me alive, and when they were done and they buried me, these three women, mystics, whatever you want to call it, danced on my grave in joy. And that was the last journey experience that I had. And that was that that basically gave me everything that I needed with a nice, neat little bow around it. Um, so definitely a massive sisterhood wound there, which I have experienced a lot in this lifetime, both from um friends, from, you know, co-workers, from bosses, teachers, other coaches, um, where I just felt like I was thrown under the bus and betrayed so deeply by some of the women that I trusted so much in my life. Um and so a lot of what I've experienced in this lifetime has been healing that wound of betrayal and learning to trust and lean on women as my some of my greatest supporters. Um, and to really, really, you know, and this is why, you know, I started this podcast and why I do the work that I do, to make other women feel supported, to make them feel seen, to make sure that they have a safe container for their gifts, for their powers, for their magic, for their authenticity to have like a place in the world, you know, and that's really why I want to do, why I do the work that I do. Um, and then obviously, you know, there's that theme about transforming betrayal and persecution into, you know, compassion and empowerment, right? Which has also been another very strong theme. Um so sometimes, you know, the patterns that we experience in this lifetime, and this has been a very prominent pattern for me, they don't come from this life. Sometimes we do bring them from a past life, but the reason why they're here, whether or not we experience them in a past life is irrelevant. The point is, is that they're being presented for us to take a different route, to take a different action, to change and break a cycle, right? And that's why they kind of show up. So the golden thread in all of this, right, and we're gonna break this down further in the next episode, but the golden thread in all of this was in being able to find your voice, to speak your truth, and to tap into power and potential in a way that is honest, in a way that is compassionate, in a way that is an integrity, and in a way that really and truly um helps to preserve not just your own integrity, but you know, whoever you're in conversation with or in connection with or working with, or you know, I think um I think it's pretty obvious that, you know, this journey for me has has kind of come full circle where I've really learned to just put myself out there, speak my truth, um, share my message, even though I may be judged for it, even though I may ruffle a few feathers with it. I've always tried to do it very respectfully. Um I have held back quite a bit um in terms of you know some of the nuance. And like I I've shared my message, but I've shared it in a very palatable way, you guys. Like I'm being, I'm being completely honest. Like I've always kind of filtered it through the lens of is this gonna be people off? Do I need to tone it down a little bit? Do I need to take certain things out? Do I need to make it more palatable, you know, just to make sure I'm not ruffling feathers. But sometimes we have to ruffle feathers if we're gonna do the work that we came here to do. We need to, we need to break the mold, we need to do things different, we need to be able to challenge a status quo. And I think that's really important. And I think that when we're coming into the space, and this sets up the next episode really beautifully, when we're coming into the space where we're evolving in our um, you know, when we're going through this feminine awakening and we're going through it collectively, men and women, I think we need to be able to look at things very differently. I think we need to be able to find the courage to challenge the status quo. I think we need to be able to be honest, to voice our truth, to be able to say what is without being, you know, condemned or or judged for it, you know. Some of the things that I said last in last week's episode were very hard-hitting for some people. I actually got some flack online for it, you know, people saying that, you know, it was direct, it was a lot of anger directed towards men. And nothing could be farther from the truth. Like I said in the episode, and maybe they didn't listen to the full episode, I don't know. But like I said in the episode, there's so many amazing, heart-centered men out there that, you know, aren't uncomfortable being in their emotional experience and also aren't uncomfortable holding space for a woman to be in her masculine and and and and and step up in her game and be able to to to really and fully step into and embody her power, actually get turned on and attracted to it, you know. Um is that everybody? No, it's not. There's there's exceptions, right? Um, but I think what the episode was really about was, you know, my episode last week when, you know, when I said, you know, stop calling us all angry feminists, it's because, you know, feminism was a movement to create equality for women, to create an equal world world for women. And we are not done yet. This world is not yet equal. And not only is it not equal, it is also not safe for women. And we should be able to voice these things without getting retaliation for it, without getting pushback for it, without being labeled an angry feminist for it. The fact that we live in a world where there is still gender violence, where we're still targeted for violent and sexual crimes just because we're women, I mean, you know, that in itself is proof that there is still healing to do. And it's not just the women who need to be healing. Like it seems like there's this narrative that it's just women that need to heal because we've moved into this feminist mentality that has separated us from men and and created division in relationships. Well, was that the breakdown, or was the breakdown that also, you know, men and women weren't able to be in their feminine and be in their true feminine embodiment and be vulnerable and be, you know, create that connection and a relationship. And now it just feels like um, you know, we stepped into our power and it's almost like we're being condemned for it, you know, in some in some circles, not everybody, not this is not, these are very general statements, and these are not, these are never to be taken literally to say that all people out there are doing what I'm saying. But there is this theme of like where femin the repression of women and repression of the feminine is real. It is out there, it is in our schools, it is in our churches, it is in our religions, it is in our politics, it is everywhere and is definitely in our relationships, right? And when I say repressing, yes, repressing women, but also repressing feminine within both within everybody, regardless of what gender you identify as, right? Okay, so post-recording this episode, I realized I left out a really important bit of information. So I'm recording it now and trying to try and edit it back in. So I'm gonna have to get really creative with my editing skills, you guys. But I forgot to mention the most important thing, which was the proof that the past life where um I was the Puritan woman was actually real. And the proof that I have that actually a lot of these past life, like I the whatever information I received in this past life journey was actually true. And that was when I was the Puritan wife. And here's how I got the proof. Several years after I had done my whole past life journeying, actually, it wasn't several years after, I think it was maybe the following year. I want to say maybe it was the like the following year that I did my past life journeying, someone else that I um, a woman in my life that I'm very close to, that I have a very close relationship to. Um she went through, we've had like, I mean, we've had like, you know, we've shared a huge chunk of our lives together. Okay. Um she was going through her own sort of spiritual process and she started doing meditations at home for past life regression. I believe she might have done um one of Carolyn Miss meditation, is it Miss? Miss Myth, Myth. Anyway, meditations for past life regression work. And she had done it multiple times and she said to me, she goes, Oh, she goes, you know, I've been trying these meditations, and you know, I've really gotten like some really cool sort of um visions from them and imagery. I'm like, oh wow, like please like tell me more. And so anyway, she starts telling me about like, you know, she did this meditation and how it was like past life meditation. And she goes, Yeah, and I saw myself, and I was a man, and um who would have thought, right? Like I was a man in a past life, and I remember I was this big broody man with like curly hair and a beard, and I'm like, um, really, like I'm right away, like I'm paying attention. She's like, Yeah, and she's like, and I remember there was this wood cabin, and I had a wife, and she looked like like a and she described she described her like exactly like I said, look like olive oil from Popeye. And I'm like, huh. I'm like, did you also have two kids, a boy and a girl, like Puritan looking? She's like, yeah. I go, was it in a wood cabin? She's like, yeah. I'm like, guess who the wife was? She's like, who? I'm like, me. So I literally fell to the ground in shock and awe. And she was in shock and awe that we had literally just and we started to compare notes and facts and details. And we could like we literally came to the conclusion that we both had the exact same past life experience. I'm not even joking. I was the wife, she was the husband. It was messed up. But proof that the past life journeying that I was doing was very, very, very, very real and very true. And obviously, it wasn't a lie. If she was thinking the exact same, if she was visualizing the exact same story that I was visualizing, only from a different perspective. So there you go. There's the proof. Clearly, guys, I'm tired. I've been doing this work for a very freaking long time. That wraps the 150th episode. Let me know what resonates for you in the comments below wherever you're seeing this. Please, please, please feel free to reach out to me at the Femcast on Instagram. You can send me a DM there. Until next time, you guys, massive love.

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Maria

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