The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria — Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor.
I work with the women who are cycle breakers, grid shakers, and truth layers — the brave souls who came here to dismantle the inherited beliefs that told them they had to chase love, prove their worth, and beg to be chosen.
I help them break free from the karmic cycles and generational patterns that keep them stuck in toxic relationships and self-abandonment — so they can unapologetically choose themselves, reclaim their inherent worth, and become magnetic to soul-aligned love, expansive opportunities, and the liberated life they were born to lead.
Without ever shrinking, settling, or self-abandoning again.
I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, begging to be chosen, and abandoning myself again and again in the name of love. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to reclaim the version of you who never had to beg to be chosen.
You ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
The Hidden Cost of Being “Too Convenient” | What Self-Abandonment Is Really Costing You and Why You Feel Invisible in Your Relationships
Are you always adjusting, accommodating, and putting everyone else first… only to feel unseen, underappreciated, and emotionally drained?
If so, this episode of The Femme Cast is your wake-up call.
Because being “too convenient” in your relationships isn’t loving—it’s self-abandonment in disguise.
In this deep and unfiltered conversation, I pull back the curtain on the trauma-driven pattern of self-sacrifice, and how the fear of being abandoned by others often stems from a deeper, more painful truth: we abandoned ourselves first.
From caregiving burnout to the endless to-do lists that never seem to include you, I share the raw and real stories from my own life—because I know how easy it is to lose yourself when you're constantly showing up for everyone else.
Inside this episode, we explore:
🎤 Why the fear of abandonment is really a lack of safety within yourself
🎤 How being “convenient” trains people to disregard your needs
🎤 The energetic message you're unknowingly sending out that says: “I don’t matter.”
🎤 How people-pleasing is a trauma response rooted in survival, not love
🎤 The exact moment I realized my own self-worth was on the back burner—and how I changed it
🎤 How to begin rewriting this pattern so you no longer trade your needs for temporary approval
🎤 Why the people who truly love and value you will stay—even when you start saying no
This episode is a must-listen if you're ready to stop waiting for someone else to choose you, prioritize you, or validate your worth.
Because the truth is: your healing begins the moment you decide to choose yourself—every single time.
If this episode hits home, share it with a sister who needs it. Let’s unlearn the patterns that kept us small and start creating relationships where we actually feel seen, held, and chosen.
You matter. Your needs matter.
And it's time the world around you starts reflecting that back.
Are you healing from cheating? Betrayal? A heartbreak that not only broke your heart but broke your life?
If so, join me for She Rises: A FREE & LIVE 90-minute healing and activation experience for the woman ready to alchemize the pain of lies, betrayal, and being cheated on into unapologetic power, radiant confidence, and the woman she was always meant to be.
Betrayal doesn’t get the final word — you do.
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/masterclass
Hey you guys. What is up? Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you guys here. Is my mic on correctly? Yeah, it is.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So some exciting things happening this month on the Femcast. I just released last week, my first channeled or intuitive healing or activation message. This is something that's been on my heart to do for quite some time and I'm so proud of myself for finally doing it, because it felt. It literally felt like this is not safe to put out into the world, and so that's how I knew I needed to put it out into the world. So whether this becomes a regular thing, who knows? We'll see. Um, but let me know what you think. I even put some ASMR sounds in the background to make it a nice healing and relaxing experience. I even put some ASMR sounds in the background to make it a nice healing and relaxing experience. So let me know if you haven't had to listen to that. You can check it out at thefemcastcom. And also we are bringing back the she Rises Masterclass, the Healing and Activation for women who have been lied to, betrayed, cheated on or manipulated Powerful, powerful healing and activation. We're bringing it back in September. More details to come on that I realize August was probably not the best time to do that, so sorry, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, so today we are talking about the hidden cost of being too convenient in your relationship and what that really says about you. We're going to dive deep into this abandonment wound right and how we self-abandon in order to protect ourselves from being abandoned by others around us. And the funny thing about abandonment and self-abandonment as a pattern and I actually learned this from Amy Fiedler, who was a guest on the show, I think it was last year, the year before amazing, amazing, amazing human. What she, the perspective she offered, and I was like whoa is, you know, when we are fearing abandonment from other people, it's because we've already abandoned ourselves. We don't feel supported by us, we don't feel like we have our back, we don't feel grounded and safe and provided for and protected. We keep self-abandoning ourselves to cater to other people, to avoid being abandoned from them. But if we were to just stop abandoning ourselves and be there for ourselves and hold ourselves and ground ourselves and support ourselves, we wouldn't have this fear of abandonment.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now, obviously, the fear of abandonment is a trauma response. We're going to talk about that, but just something to create. You know, trauma is healed by creating safety. And how do we create safety for ourselves? We stop abandoning, we support ourselves, we ground ourselves. We create our own safety and stability first. Right, that has to come first. We can't depend on other people to do that for us. So that's just a little tangent right off the start. I love when that happens.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, so let's talk about the hidden cost of being convenient, right, too convenient. And this is very much a trauma response. It comes from the fear of being abandoned and rejected. And maybe, you know, at some point in our lives you know, if we weren't convenient, if we didn't accommodate other people's needs, if we didn't put our needs on the back burner, put our needs on the back burner, if we didn't prioritize everybody else's schedules, priorities you know agendas, you know, maybe that left us feeling like we were abandoned or that we risked being abandoned, right. And so what we've learned, especially if you're a people pleaser, is to be convenient, to be accommodating, to be easy, to be flexible and to constantly, constantly adjust ourselves, our needs, our schedules, our priorities, in order to make sure that everyone else's are met before ours.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Right, again, totally a trauma response, totally rooted in survival and in the fear of abandonment, response totally rooted in survival and in the fear of abandonment. But what we obviously end up doing when we do these things is we abandon ourselves in the process, we abandon our needs, we abandon our priorities, we abandon what we've set out to accomplish, we abandon ourselves in every way, shape or form. And basically, what we're saying and this is what's happening literally at an energetic level, okay, at an energetic level what we're saying to ourselves is you don't matter, you don't matter. Everyone else's needs come first, you come last, and that's just the way it is. And then, in doing so, we're actually putting that message out energetically. And now other people are vibrationally picking up on this. So they're picking up on oh, when I'm with her, my needs come first. Oh, when I'm with her, my needs get taken care of first. When I'm with her, her needs are on the back burner and mine are always front and center. Right, we're literally sending that message out into the world and into the relationships around us.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Right, and you know many of us, you know we grow up thinking that this is the loving thing to do, that this is what love looks like. This is what it looks like to love someone, to care for someone, to nurture someone is to constantly put ourselves on the back burner while we take care of their needs and take care of their wants, and take care of their desires and take care of whatever it is, whatever their priorities are, that are going on and making that the priority and constantly leaving ourselves lost in our to-do list. And if you don't believe me, don't believe me. Hands up. Not that I can see you, but hey, it's fun. Hands up if you have a like astronomical to-do list and you're constantly leaving your what you need to do for yourself to the end, right? So it's like you have all the I have to do groceries, I have to clean out the fridge, I have to do this, I have to go get this printed, I got to get these copies, I got to get this paperwork done, I got to file this with the accountant, I got to do that and then, once that is all done, I'll give myself a mani-pedi. You know what I mean? Like it's like that gets to be the reward at the end after we've accomplished everything else. And maybe not everything on that list is someone else's priority, but it's the things that you know. Maybe it's the things that we think that we have to do in order to be productive right, in order to be accomplished right, and there could be prep meals for the family, there could be take care of the laundry. There could be, you know, make sure that you know their bags are packed on time, or make sure they get to their board meeting on time, or make sure they have. You know everything, you know they. You know what I mean. Like there's so many ways that we can prioritize everyone else's needs before our own.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I'll give you an example from my life. You take it or leave it. I'm a caregiver for my parents, right? So both of them are dealing with a thousand health issues all at the same time, and there is never a dull moment, and for the longest time, and I think I'm. I'm not going to speak for my sister, but I can probably tell you that she's in the same boat. Again, I won't speak for her, but I'm pretty sure. So you know, and we go through this or this I don't even know what you call it this experience of being caregivers for our parents, right? And I'm speaking for myself now, as a caregiver.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The list of things that I need to do for them are astronomical. Make sure you know their prescriptions are in blister packs. Make sure I'm keeping track of what blister packs they're on so I know when to order more prescriptions. Make sure that I call the pharmacy to make sure they have the repeats that they need in order to fill the next prescription. Making sure that you know there's nothing that they have access to that they can fall over or trip on or set the burn the house down, you know. Making sure that my mom takes her walker everywhere so she doesn't have another fall and have another fracture right. Making sure that they're getting their physio. Making sure that the PSWs are coming to wash and bathe them on a regular schedule. Figuring that schedule out it is an endless list.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I'm literally this is just the tip of the iceberg right, and this is what happens when people get older and they don't have the cognition that they used to have. They don't have the mental wherewithal that they used to have and they certainly don't have the physical capability that they used to have. Right, that we can, kind of you know how we can continue it and how to best do it. But you know, I think, ultimately, what I'm trying to say here is because this has been such an overwhelming experience and really has kind of up-leveled in the last year. What I can say for me even though I preach this shit all day long like I will talk about, you know, self-love and choosing yourself and putting yourself first and putting your needs first I will like I will sing this like off the rooftops but even me, in that situation where I knew my parents needed me and needed my support, I found myself doing just that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I'm going to do all this this week. I'm going to make sure I order the medication, I'm going to go through their, their, their cupboards and see what they need, and or do a grocery order and blah, blah, blah, blah and do all these billion things. And then maybe, just maybe, if there's some time left at the end of the week, maybe I'll take myself out for lunch, or maybe I'll take myself for a mani-pedi. And then, when that day came around, I was so tired, I was like, no, fuck it, I'm not doing it. I was like I just need to rest.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so, you know, it really became a conscious choice, like literally a conscious choice, to check in every day and ask myself. What is it that I need? Number one, and where? Where do I feel like I want to fulfill that need? Where and how? Right? So if I need some R&R, where do I squeeze that into the schedule? And it's not about waiting until everyone else's needs are taken care of so I can rest. It's about fitting it in when I feel like I need it and would be most supportive for me. And sometimes I'm not going to lie, I am not going to lie. There are certain things that I do love to do after everything else is done, because I just don't want the weight of the world hanging over me while I'm resting. Right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But at the same time, that is also a mindset shift. Like, think about that. You feel the weight of the world when you pause, taking care of everybody else's needs in order to take care of one of your own. You know that says something in itself, right? Like we have to really start to put these things into perspective. Yes, we all have responsibilities. Yes, we all have things to do.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:No, I'm not telling you to leave your kids hungry or your parents uncared for or neglect your relationships. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. What I'm saying is that you need to be on your priorities list. Okay, you can't be going through life making everyone else the priority, being convenient, being accommodating, um, being flexible to what everyone else wants and needs from you, and constantly putting your needs on the back burner. Because when you do that, I can guarantee you. I can guarantee you right now, in your relationships, you are feeling unseen, undervalued, unappreciated. You feel like everyone takes advantage of you. You feel like nobody cares about what you need or what or how you're feeling. You're feeling completely invisible. You're wanting to act out. You keep doing more, hoping they'll realize hey, let me do something for you. You've done so much for me. That is never going to happen and I want you to let that sink in for a second. Okay, because this is very much a codependent pattern.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:We don't want to actually come out and say what it is that we need and ask for it, because we don't want to be too much, we don't want to be inconvenient, right? So we constantly give and give, and give, and give, and give and give, and we hope that the giving will give others an idea of how we want to be loved and maybe it'll inspire them to start giving back. It won't. It won't. Some may. Okay, nine out of 10 times it won't work. Maybe there's the off chance one person here or there might be like oh you know what You've given so much, let me give you something in return. Usually that is not what happens. Usually what ends up happening is oh great, I'm so appreciative, thanks so much, and can you also do this, and can you also get that? Oh, and I love that you just can you do this more?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The key to breaking this cycle of making yourself last like literally making yourself too convenient for everybody else, putting yourself last on your to-do list, burning yourself out in the process is to literally start to put yourself to make the conscious choice, to literally start to put yourself to make the conscious choice. As uncomfortable as it might be, you make the conscious choice to say no. I am putting myself. This, this, this right here on my to-do list, is important. I am putting it first, I am going to do it before I do anything else, because it is so important to me, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, whether that is an exercise routine, whether that is a meal plan, whether that is a daily practice, whether that is, you know, polishing up your resume and actually moving out of that, moving into that career that you've been longing to move into for so long?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know whether it's you know looking long. You know whether it's you know looking at. You know what you want out of this relationship and spending some time trying to reflect on whether or not this is where you want to be and if it's right for you. And if it is, what are you going to do to move it forward? Or if it's not, what are you going to do to take aligned action? Right, like you have to start to prioritize what it is that you need, whether it's space, whether it is attention, acknowledgement, validation, time, nurturing, you know, whatever it is, you have to start making that a priority.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And, yes, it will feel uncomfortable, yes, it will feel awkward, especially, especially, when you have to say to somebody I actually can't do that for you right now because I got to do something for me. Oh, really, this, this was not a language I spoke for the longest time, let me tell you, and even still to this day, sometimes, like usually, I'm pretty good with it, but there are times, depending on the magnitude of what it is I'm saying no to right. It always depends on the magnitude of what I'm saying no to. I think that's usually the determining factor. There's still some things where it's kind of like they make me stutter, right, it's like I bet the fit. So I can still feel uncomfortable sometimes, and that's okay, and it gets still feel uncomfortable sometimes, and that's okay. And it gets to feel uncomfortable because when we're actually in discomfort, it means we're actually changing a pattern, we're actually creating new neural pathways that we're not familiar with, that feel completely fucking new, and that's exactly what we need to be doing. So, um, I invite you to give that a try.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now I just want to talk about you know, we've talked about how you know, when we keep putting each other you know, our other people first and accommodating their needs and being convenient for everybody else, how we keep perpetuating this cycle. Right, because we keep abandoning ourselves. And so, in keeping with abandoning ourselves and prioritizing everybody else's needs, we're constantly in the sphere of abandonment. And when we're perpetuating the sphere of abandonment, we're accommodating more, we're being more convenient, we're prioritizing their needs even more. Do you see where it kind of creates this self-perpetuating cycle? So the only way to stop it again is to make the conscious decision to take care of our needs and face that fear of abandonment head on. And this might feel very uncomfortable, it might feel very confronting at first, and that's okay, and it gets to be okay, right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And again, you know, when we're working through and healing trauma, the important thing is to create safety around that dysregulation that you might feel. And when you're not just conforming to those illusions of creating safety, those things, those actions that you've taken, the decisions that you've made up until this point that have created this illusion of safety, now you're moving away from them. So now you feel unsafe. So you have to create that safety within yourself, right? So it's about making the choice that aligns for you. It's about putting your needs first, making yourself a priority, accommodating what it is that you know you need most on a day to day in order to be your best and function as your best, and making that the priority and be willing to say no to other responsibilities or requests or, you know, be willing to be inconvenient or be willing to take up space or communicate to others what it is that you need, and to confront those feelings, those fears of abandonment that that might bring up for you. This person might leave me, this person might not love me anymore If I'm not convenient. What if they decide that they? What if they go out there and find somebody who is, who will meet all their needs?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That is, that is very frightening in the beginning, and I can remember, you know, really being forced to to, to look at this fear. You know, in my relationship where I was, you know, betrayed, there was this belief there that she fulfilled needs in him that I neglected to to to fill. She made him a priority. Maybe, you know, I didn't make him enough of a priority. Maybe that's where I failed. I needed to prioritize him more. I needed to accommodate more. I needed to be more convenient, be more flexible, adhere to what he needed and what he was asking for. Maybe none of that would have happened. And so that's where that anxious attachment style kind of, you know, exploded and expanded right. And so you know, after you know, coming out of that experience and going into, you know, after that, you know, going in from one toxic relationship to the next trying to fill that void and then just going on a complete relationship hiatus.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:One of the things that I really worked on was resisting this urge to be convenient, resisting this urge to be accommodating, resisting this urge to be completely flexible and accommodating to everybody else's needs. And it did feel uncomfortable and confronting at first and it did feel like, ok, well, there's a risk here. There's a risk that if I don't meet their needs, they will leave me. If there's a risk here that if I don't meet their needs, they will find somebody else who will. And you know, every time that fear came up and it didn't have to just be with relationships, it could be with work, it could be with family, it could be with friendships. It could be with work, it could be with family, it could be with friendships, it could be with anybody. But I think what ended up happening was, you know, as that fear came up, I would breathe through it, I would acknowledge it and I would allow it to move through me. And the more I did this, the less power it had over me. Because what I realized in that process was, for the most part, I was entirely safe.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:These relationships although maybe they didn't like the fact that I was saying no for the most part the ones that were valuable to me, that meant something to me that I wanted to bring with me going forward in my life, they didn't leave me. Yeah, sure, they were a little annoyed by the fact that suddenly, I was always yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm like. No, you know, did that piss them off a little, probably, you know. But that's okay and I can tell you right now that the people who love me, the people who matter, the people who I want with me in this life, they stuck around and said all right, fine, have your cake, I'll be over here, you know, we'll make this work.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And the people who didn't, they weren't the people I wanted around anyway, because as I, you know, went through this evolution, it became really clear to me who was in relationship for me because they genuinely cared about me and wanted the best for me, and who was just in relationship for with me because of how I made them feel when they were with me and how they felt about themselves when they were with me and how the experience of, you know, being in my company made them feel about who they were in the world. You know what I mean. So it's like, did I really miss those people? Not even a little, not even a little. And you know, it was such an eyeopening experience, and not only did it get rid of the people who weren't authentically there for me to be with me, to be, um, to love me, to appreciate me, to celebrate with me when things go well and to to hold space for me when they don't. Um, you know, it completely, completely started to deter all the people who weren't available for that. Um, it amplified the people who were and it also made me more magnetic to more people who would come in and truly love and appreciate and value me and see me for who I am.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so was it hard at first? Sure, yeah, but you know what it's kind of like going to the dentist Once you get in that chair and he starts with that drill and those picks yeah, it's fucking annoying, but you know what. You get through it and then you have this beautiful, clean, bright, shiny smile when you're done at the end of it. So, you know, totally worth it. I'll keep going to the dentist, it's all going to stop and it was truly the best thing that I ever could have done for myself.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And yes, although sometimes, like I said, it still takes work, especially when you know, sometimes you know the ask on the other side or what's being asked to be prioritized, you know is of importance, and sometimes I do have to make that decision to say you know what? This is just too important to ignore, so I am going to take care of it. I am going to give this the attention and the priority that it deserves, but then I'm going to come back and do my thing. You know, we can always use discernment. It's not to say that we always, you know nothing. Nothing anybody else needs ever takes greater importance than what we're doing for ourselves. That's not true. Sometimes, you know, things do require our full attention and that's okay.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The point is is that we're not by default, and I think this is the point we're trying to make. Let's move away from defaulting to their needs. Come first. I'll do my shit when I'm done. Everything that they need right, or everything, everything everyone else needs right. Let's move away from that and let's move to taking each ask, each request, each need, each demand, one at a time, whether it's their, someone else's or our own. Let's assess each one and decide does this need to take priority now or does this need to take priority now? We get a choice and as long as we're consciously choosing what takes priority and acknowledging that sometimes we need to come first.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:In order to be our best and show up as our best self and be able to support our loved ones and be everything that they need us to be, we do need to prioritize ourselves first. We absolutely do, or at least some things, you know, and we can take each one, ask, each task, each requirement at a time and make a call, and sometimes, maybe, their needs will come first. But I hope and this is my hope for you, my hope is that somewhere in there you find a balance where, yes, their needs are important, but mine are important too. So here's how I'm going to make that. Oh, there's like honking. Yes, here's how I'm going to make that happen where all our needs are being met and everyone is feeling valued and appreciated, appreciated and supported. Right, so you have to be. You might not always be the first thing on your to-do list, but you need to be, like, in the top five somewhere always. And you know it'd be great if four of those items were for you and one of them were for someone else. But you know, yeah, sure, there'll be times where four are for others and one is for you, and that's okay.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The point is, again, we're making that conscious choice every day to say what am I going to make my priority today? What is it that I need, what is it that everybody else needs and what's truly important? To prioritize first right and look at it from a very balanced perspective, with no judgment, not letting that fear of abandonment make that decision for you right, where you're constantly resorting to self-abandoning yourself. Because, again, the more you continue to self-abandon, the more you're going to feel the fear of abandonment of others. The more you're going to continue to self-abandon, the more you're going to feel the fear of abandonment of others, the more you're going to continue to self-abandon Again, that self-perpetuating cycle. It needs to stop and that can only happen when you start to choose yourself, start to make yourself the priority, feel the discomfort that that might bring up for you and realize you've been safe all along right, because nothing heals trauma quite like safety, and that fear of abandonment and the inclination to self-abandonment is absolutely a trauma response.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So let me know how this lands for you. Let me know if you can relate to this wherever you're seeing this. If you got it in your email, you're seeing this on social somewhere, let me know in the comments or reply. Hit that reply button and let me know. And, of course, please, please, please, please, leave a positive rating or review on iTunes or Spotify or wherever the hell you're seeing this Until next time, you guys, massive love.
