The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria — Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor.
I work with the women who are cycle breakers, grid shakers, and truth layers — the brave souls who came here to dismantle the inherited beliefs that told them they had to chase love, prove their worth, and beg to be chosen.
I help them break free from the karmic cycles and generational patterns that keep them stuck in toxic relationships and self-abandonment — so they can unapologetically choose themselves, reclaim their inherent worth, and become magnetic to soul-aligned love, expansive opportunities, and the liberated life they were born to lead.
Without ever shrinking, settling, or self-abandoning again.
I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, begging to be chosen, and abandoning myself again and again in the name of love. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to reclaim the version of you who never had to beg to be chosen.
You ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
Stop Shrinking to Fit Into Someone Else’s Story—Why Playing Small is the Most Dangerous Form of Self-Abandonment
Have you ever dimmed your light so someone else could feel more comfortable?
Maybe you’ve caught yourself downplaying a promotion… hiding a new relationship… or making yourself smaller just to fit into someone else’s version of you. If so, you’re not alone—and this episode will feel like someone finally put words to what you’ve been carrying for years.
This week on The Femme Cast, I’m pulling back the curtain on a deeply embedded pattern so many women live out unconsciously: shrinking to earn love, maintain connection, and avoid triggering others’ insecurities.
We’ll talk about:
🎤 The hidden emotional cost of “not being too much”
🎤 How the sisterhood wound silently programs women to compete instead of celebrate each other
🎤 Why taking responsibility for someone else’s discomfort is not love—it’s self-abandonment
🎤 The energetic imbalance created when you put other people’s feelings above your truth
🎤 How I started reclaiming my power, stopped shrinking, and watched my podcast—and my life—take off
This isn’t just about friendships. These patterns show up everywhere: in romantic relationships, family dynamics, the workplace. And left unchecked, they quietly erode your confidence, purpose, and capacity to receive aligned love and support.
This is one of the rawest, most important conversations I’ve had—and it’s one I believe every woman needs to hear.
🎤 Because your light was never meant to be dimmed.
🎤 Because your truth doesn’t need to be watered down.
🎤 Because your full, radiant expression is not a threat—it’s a gift.
Tune in now and start taking your power back—one unapologetic truth at a time.
Loved this episode? Don’t just listen — activate. Grab my FREE 6-part Feminine Awakening Series + Masterclass and unlock the superpowers that make you magnetic AF. Get instant access at → https://thefemmecast.kit.com/femme
Hey guys, what is up and welcome back to the show. I am so excited and grateful to have you here Today. We're gonna kind of piggyback on what we talked about in the last episode. I'm actually recording this right like I recorded them both back to back. I'm in the same outfit. I have not done a wardrobe change, so, no, I'm not wearing the same outfit all week, fyi. So I kind of wanted to piggyback on what we talked about last episode, which you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:We talked about this natural inclination to always feel like we need to earn love. I want to specifically talk about how we sometimes shrink ourselves to earn love, to fit into somebody else's story or to show up in a way that makes other people comfortable, and this is probably the most dangerous. And if you're on this journey and if you're listening to my podcast and if you followed me for a while, this is probably something you know. Beyond the people pleasing, the overgiving and the self this is a form of self-abandonment is the shrinking. So this is this shows up a lot in partnerships, yes, but it's also predominantly you know, it predominantly shows up in the workplace, it predominantly shows up in family dynamics and it almost always shows up in friendship circles, especially, especially among women. Okay, um, and this is literally, literally, like all, rooted in the sisterhood wound, right? So the sisterhood wound is, it's not a wound for sisters, it's actually the sisterhood wound is actually a wound among women where, you know, because of patriarchal conditioning, like over centuries, we've learned to compete with one another. We've learned to compete in order to survive and be, you know, manipulate each other and be jealous of one another or envious of one another or want to outdo or outperform one another because, literally, at some point in time, our survival depended on it. Right? And so for many of us, you know, we look at other women as threat, we look at other women as competition, we look at other women as dangerous to our own success or survival or happiness, right, and so you'll notice that this behavior, the shrinking ourselves in order to keep the people around us comfortable, shows up so much in women's circles. Right, because, you know, god forbid we have the relationship everybody else wants. God forbid we lose the weight that everybody else is trying to lose. God forbid we land the job that, you know, everybody else didn't think that they could, even were even qualified to apply for, and then now we've gotten it and we've kind of been made to feel bad for getting it. Or like, what the hell did you do to actually get that job? Like now they're trying to justify in their head what you did to actually get it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:These are all ways that we tear each other down again and again and again and oftentimes what ends up happening is, you know, if you've been in situations where you lost friends, right where it was really painful, where, um, you've lost friendships, you know, maybe friends, um, you learned at a very young age that you know your friends didn't like it when you got too much attention from boys or you did too well in school, or you know you looked really good at the semi-formal and you had a better outfit than them, or whatever. You know, whatever it was, you know, whenever you kind of got the vibe that it wasn't okay for you to shine, that it wasn't okay for you to do well, to excel, to succeed, to be loved, to be celebrated, right, because it made them feel uncomfortable, then you naturally might be inclined to start to shrink yourself in order to not lose your friends, to not be abandoned, to not be left in, you know, in isolation or loneliness, right, without that friendship there, that companionship that you've learned to depend on. And oftentimes, you know, we start to shrink, we start to play it down, we start to play down our successes, we start to want to hide our relationships because we feel like it's going to be a sticking point. Or we try to play down our success or we try to come up with weird justifications as to why we were successful, because we know it's such a sticking point for them. You know it shows up so much in friendship circles, but again, it can show up anywhere. It can show up in, you know. It can show up in romantic relationships, it can show up in the workplace. You can even show up in family dynamics sometimes, where we, you know, we don't want to outshine the people who we love because we're afraid it's going to make them feel bad. So we shrink ourselves in order to not make them feel less than you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:These are all like codependent ways that we've learned to love each other and take responsibility for how other people are feeling. That's really one of the roots in this we take. One of the roots in this type of behavior is that we take responsibility for how other people are feeling in their disempowered state because we're not recognizing that, hey, if I'm doing well, they can do well too, and I can go out and do well and be successful and feel good about myself and make the right choices and have that great relationship and do all the things that I want to do. And instead of it being, instead of me seeing it as oh, but they're going to feel bad that they don't, I can see it as well. If that's something that they want, they can. If I can have it, they can have it too. You know, um, so we it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It kind of, you know, it's kind of how we see people in a disempowered state and make ourselves responsible for other people's emotional wellbeing, and that is a very. It is toxic, it is a toxic trait, but it is something that we've been taught to do, especially, I think, as women, where we feel like we need to take responsibility. And it's part of that nurturing tendency, right, we tend to want to nurture people, and somehow we've made nurturing mean emotional housekeeping for other people, which is not, which is not our responsibility by any, by any means, like at all. Um, so that's part, you know, that's part of it, and I think that's part that we need to really think about and let go, um, and often can be hard, because I think sometimes we've been taught that that's what it means to be loving is to take care of and nurture other people's emotional well-being and to do things that will be emotionally soothing or comforting for the people around us.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And, yes, while I do believe our relationships do require a certain amount of empathy from us and, you know, really taking into consideration the other person's feeling, I don't think that that should be at the expense of us holding ourselves back, energetically speaking, or energetically, mentally, physically, emotionally, in any way, shape or form. Right, I don't think that should ever come at the expense of holding ourselves back. That creates an energetic imbalance. That's basically saying your feelings are more important than mine, how you feel is more important than who. It is that I am meant to be in this world and how I am meant to express myself, and therefore I am putting you on a pedestal and I am going to self-abandon and basically betray myself so that I can take care of your emotional needs and make sure that you feel good in this connection, so that I don't lose it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Um, is basically what's what's happening and, again, like it can happen in any type of connection, but I do see this so much in friendships. I've even done this in romantic relationships where if I was making more than my partner, I would want to not necessarily hide what I was making, but it became a point of. I kind of don't want to bring it up because I know it triggers the fuck out of him to know that I make more money than he does. You know that was an issue right, I know that. When you know I've had that with friendships. When you know I lost, when I lost a lot of weight, you know it became very uncomfortable for a lot of my friends when I did Um, when I started to get a lot of attention from guys. A lot of my friends were really uncomfortable by this Um and it. It became very hard for them to hide it Like you could literally see, like the the anger on their face when it would happen Um.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I can remember the last time I got a massive promotion at work. One of my friends was basically passive, aggressively attacking me for it Um, because it was a position that she had been vying for for so long and she wasn't able to land. And then so when she found out that I got it and actually like kind of kind of went above and beyond what it was that that she was trying to get to. It hit her hard, I think, and it became a very uncomfortable like talking point for us. Like every time that conversation came up, it became sticky and uncomfortable. I didn't like it and I felt like, you know, suddenly, like here I was, you know we had this great friendship, we had this great connection, we had this great chemistry All of a sudden I'm getting all these passive, aggressive digs. For, you know, doing well in my career and actually getting something that I think I truly freaking deserve to get. But you know, again, truly freaking, deserve to get. But you know, again it becomes.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, when these situations come up, it's never because they want. They don't come to it, because they don't make us feel that way, because they want to attack us. They make us feel that way because they're feeling small. And so when somebody else is feeling small, especially somebody who's not in the habit of kind of, you know, stepping away from these situations and you know doing the inner reflection Okay, well, why am I feeling this way and how can I up, level myself?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Unfortunately, the unhealed way to deal with this, especially when it comes to the sisterhood wound, is to kind of tear other women down right To make them feel bad, to make them feel like they didn't deserve what they got or, you know, they could have done better or whatever it is, you know, making them sort of leveling the playing field by knocking the other person down instead of raising ourselves up right, the healed approach is to raise ourselves up and say, okay, if I'm feeling less than if I'm feeling disempowered in this dynamic, how can I elevate my experience and how I feel about me, rather than tearing somebody else down right, and that's just, you know, that's just human nature and we will do that to one another, especially in a wounded state. The first inclination is to tear the other person down so that we can kind of level the playing field right. But you know, when you've kind of, you know, when you're you've kind of moved past that and you're a little bit more emotionally evolved, you'll tend to, you'll tend to lean towards okay, well, how can I elevate myself instead of, you know, tearing this person down? For the most part, we all fail sometimes. Let's just face it, it is what it is.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, you know, when we look at, we have to look at the cost, what it's costing us to shrink ourselves and play small to make other people comfortable, right, and that's really what it comes down to In the moment we don't think it's a bad thing. Like in the moment we're like, okay, I'm just gonna like I'm just gonna like not look so good, or I'm just gonna like not trying not get so attention from guys all the time, or I'm just gonna kind of downplay what I'm doing at work or how much I'm making, or you know how my project is going, or you know where they're talking about promoting me next, or how business is going. Like we start to just like play all these things down. So now we're hiding parts of ourselves, we're shrinking parts of ourselves, we're letting parts of ourselves be unseen. So now we are already self-abandoning because we're basically saying I can't show these parts of myself because it's going to make this person uncomfortable, so I'm going to shut the light on these aspects of me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So right now we've already self-abandoned, we're already rejecting parts of ourselves. So we're already telling ourselves we're not good enough. We're telling ourselves you, you're not allowed to shine too much, you're not allowed to have too much. You're not allowed to be too successful. You're not allowed to have too much of anything if it makes somebody else uncomfortable. So this is kind of what we're wiring our brain into believing. Okay, that's number one.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Number two we're showing up in our relationships as an inauthentic version of ourselves. So again, anytime we show up as an inauthentic version of ourselves, it's because we've prioritized their feelings over our own, and what ends up happening ultimately is we end up burning ourselves out, because we're constantly having to think about what we're saying, what we're doing, how we're going to show up, and we're constantly in our head trying to navigate that and and and and manipulate like almost manipulate ourselves to show up as the version that we think is going to keep them emotionally balanced, right and at ease. And just that mental energy of trying to figure out who to be, who not to be, what to say, what not to say, what parts to show, what parts not to show, is exhausting and it does breed resentment because eventually we're going to be like you know what, why can't I fucking be myself? Why can't I celebrate my successes? Why can't you be happy for me when things go well for me? Like, why do I have to hide it. You know what I mean. So it'll just breed into ugliness and resentment and create toxicity in their relationship that you're not looking for and that you're not wanting.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And third and most important right, most, most most important, beyond the, you know, self-rejection and the self-abandonment, um, beyond the, you know, bringing toxicity and imbalances into your relationship. Beyond all of that is actually the impact that it's having on who you're meant to be in the world. Like, if there are things that are going well for you, that make you feel good and, on top of the world, you're meant to lean into those things. Those things will energize you, those things will give you power, they'll give you strength, they'll give you momentum, they'll guide you to your next step, even if that's not the thing. Right, the things that light us up, that we do well, in that we excel in, that the world is kind of like celebrating us for and trying to nudge out of us, these are important to lean into. So if we're spending half of our time downplaying these things because they make people uncomfortable, we're going to be in a serious, like not good situation. Like we're going to be in a situation where we're literally blocking ourselves from our future, from our purpose, from our abundance, from everything it is that we're meant to be in the world.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:When I started this podcast, there was a lot of people that were made uncomfortable by it and you know, a lot of people were like, oh, you know, I wish I had oops, I hit my mic. I wish I had the guts to do what you do. I wish I, you know, I wish I could you know, share, you know, some of the stories. I'd be too embarrassed, I'd be too self-conscious. How do you do it this and that? And you know some people were coming at it from a place of curiosity. You know the people who love me, you know, are excited for me, you know they support me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And then there was some people who, you know, unfortunately, were like who the hell do you think you are to share your story? Like, why do you think you're, why do you think you're so special that you should be sharing your story on a podcast? Like, why would anybody want to hear? Why are you so important that anybody would want to hear it? Um, and you know what, so be it. That's how they felt, right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But I know, like I could have easily, I could have easily said you know what you're right and kind of like bit my tongue not shared as much or maybe shared but like, maybe, like you know, pull the plug on the podcast altogether or maybe, like you know, kind of show up as a kind of muted version of myself. So I didn't piss them off or I wasn't out there and I wasn't too bold, too honest, too authentic, too real to the point where it made them uncomfortable. And I think in the beginning I kind of did that. To be honest, I think in the beginning it was and I don't know if it was because of the particular circle of friends that I'm thinking about right now from back in the day, but I do remember being almost, um, very reserved in, in, in, in the first couple of seasons of this podcast and being very, um, holding back on a lot of detail and information, holding back on a lot of my story. Um, yeah, and only because you know, I didn't know how a lot of people were going to respond, how they were going to take it, and there was some people within my vicinity that were. There, were a lot of my friends, were very encouraging at the time, but there was a lot of people that were kind of mocking it and kind of like making me feel like, like who are you to share that? Like I said right, like who are you to? Who are you to have a podcast? Who gives a shit? Think like you're. You're like.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I remember this guy telling me once like um, I can't remember the words that he used, but, wow, you think you would think really, you must think really highly of yourself to, to, to share um your story and think it matters he was one of the douchebags, by the way, fyi, um. And so I think in the beginning, like I, I think in the beginning, like like what he had said really got in my head and I was really like letting it like kind of hold me back from from really speaking and putting myself out there and letting myself be fully seen and fully heard, because in my head that was playing like who are you to like to show up? Like that, like you know, tone it down a notch, turn down the volume, don't be so loud, don't be so authentic, don't be, you know, and you know, eventually, like, this podcast totally healed me because eventually I was able to kind of, you know, lean into what felt uncomfortable to talk about, lean into taking up more space, lean into being more myself and sharing more of my thoughts and my story and my opinion and what I've learned and what, and my story and my opinion and what I've learned and what triggered me and what hurt me and how I evolved through the process. Right, just imagine just for like a minute, like what that would have cost me if I, you know, didn't lean into that discomfort, because I'll tell you right now, starting this podcast like transformed me in so many ways, and not just that like like it's actually impacted the lives of other women who have listened to it, who have listened to my story, who have learned from my experiences, who have learned something from what I've had to share and what I've learned along the way. You know, and the podcast itself didn't start growing until I started to lean into the discomfort and still, until I started to actually like be willing to not fit into what made everybody else around me not shrink myself to to make everybody else me around me feel uncomfortable.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Right, it didn't start growing until I really gave myself the permission to fully show up, to fully share my story unapologetically, to take up space to share my truth, to share my opinions, my heartbreaks, my learnings, my aha moments, even if it made other people uncomfortable, even if, you know other people maybe thought it was too much or I needed to tone it down or I needed. If you know other people maybe thought it was too much or I needed to tone it down or I needed to, you know shut the fuck up Right. And you know remember, like, like, you know try and put me, like, try and try and put me in a place where that was held, holding me, making me feel like I needed to be smaller and and and, and you know, shy away from the opportunity to, to, to really let myself be seen. I had to, like, lean into all of that discomfort and then, and only then, did the podcast start growing. Only then, and only then, did people, like followers, start coming in. My downloads started to increase, you know, and it literally went from a podcast that was like nobody was listening to to now it's top 10% worldwide.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:This podcast has been listened to in almost 100 different countries, in 1,000 different cities. Literally, we're talking hundreds of downloads every single month, and all because I was able to lean into the discomfort of people telling me who the hell are you to be sharing your story and taking up all this space and letting yourself be seen Like who are you to think that you can do that? You know, or it makes me uncomfortable to think that you can do that, or whatever the story was, whether it was a friend or that, that guy or whoever was trying to make me feel like I had no right to take up so much space, to turn up the volume so much on who I was and what I wanted to share with the world. Like, if I listened to that, none of this would would would be happening right now, and this is only the beginning. This is only because podcast is literally growing each and every week, week over week.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Like I'm so blessed to have this podcast and this platform. Um, it has brought so much healing into my life and you know it is. It's the one thing that has really helped me to truly find my voice, um, and for that I am so grateful. And it's still like the path is still unfolding, like who knows where this ends. But I'm just so thankful that I didn't listen to all those voices, both internally and externally, that kept telling me I shouldn't stand out so much, I shouldn't take up so much space. I shouldn't be so loud, I shouldn't be so vulnerable. I shouldn't stand out so much, I shouldn't take up so much space. I shouldn't be so loud, I shouldn't be so vulnerable, I shouldn't be so honest, I shouldn't be so transparent. I should hide this part and hide that part and tone that down and take up less space here. Like, I am so grateful that I did not listen to all of that noise that was going on as I was moving through putting this podcast out in the world. So that was going on as I was moving through putting this podcast out in the world.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, and I truly, truly believe that this is my purpose, you know, um, whether or not I'll be able to, like you know, make it like a full-time career, which up until this point, I have not been able to do, um, but you know who's to say that it won't be one day, you know, and and to say, you know whether or not it's a full-time career for me at this point, it is still my fucking purpose. And I know that, and I know that without a shadow of a doubt, that I am meant to be speaking to you guys, that I meant to be sharing my story with you guys that I meant to be. Sharing what I've learned with you guys. Um, and you know, the more open and the more honest and the more authentic that I can continue to challenge myself to be, the better it is for myself and the better it is for you guys, and that is something that I am so fucking grateful for. I, like I just cannot stop thanking my lucky stars that I had the courage to not shrink myself, because if I had, none of this would be real, and this gives me so much joy and so much fulfillment and so much passion, because it is, it is my creative inspiration that channels when we do these episodes.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, um, you know, there's a huge price to pay for staying in relationships, or for not even just staying, but just choosing to shrink yourself to fit into somebody else's story, to keep other people around you comfortable. There's a huge, massive price to pay for doing that, and I want you to think about that and I know it's going to be uncomfortable at first to lean into not shrinking yourself and giving yourself permission to take up space and voice your opinion and share your authentic self with the world. I know it's going to be uncomfortable, but every time you have to ask yourself am I willing to do this? And let it feel a little bit uncomfortable and you'll do a little bit at a time, you don't. You don't have to rip the bandaid off and suddenly you know, I didn't just get up one day and decided that I was going to be fully authentic. I still don't know if I'm even being fully authentic, to be honest, like I still have to wonder sometimes if I'm not holding certain parts back. Still, right, it's a slow evolution. Right, you take one tiny step at a time to show up more authentically and more fully as yourself. So if you can take that one little tiny, uncomfortable step at a time, it's not so scary, you know, and you have to consider the price on the other side if you don't Uncomfortable and resentful, toxic relationships, feeling unworthy because you've rejected parts of yourself and you told yourself, you've taught yourself that no, these parts are good.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:We need to hide them, dim them down, keep them from the world because they make other people feel uncomfortable and, above all, like your purpose and your fulfillment for being who you're meant to be and move through life the way you've been designed to. You know, holding that part. That is your essence, that is your life force energy. It is so expensive, even if it doesn't reward you monetarily. It is your energy and you have to that is more valuable than anything else that you can put out there in the world.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so shrinking yourself and shrinking your essence and holding yourself back is such an injustice, not just to you and to who you were created to be, but to the people who you were meant to impact, whether that's your own inner circle, your town, your community, your family. You know, each and every one of us, I believe, has a purpose, and if we're constantly shrinking ourselves and holding ourselves back or dimming our light or, you know, silencing our voice, we're never going to do what we were created to do. We're never going to fulfill that purpose we were created to fulfill, purpose we were created to fulfill, and you know that that, to me, is the biggest injustice of all of it. So do the uncomfortable thing. Take one tiny step at a time being more yourself, taking up more space, being louder, being bolder, being more authentic, being more vulnerable, being more you. And you know people may feel uncomfortable along the way, and that's okay, and it's going to feel uncomfortable for you too, but each step you take is going to help you evolve into the person that you were created to be in, the person that you have been hiding for so long and really and I should this is my belief take it or leave it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I believe that the person that we were created to be is exactly the medicine this world needs in one way, shape or form, and so when we don't do that, we're actually doing a disservice to the world around us, because we were sent here to fulfill a purpose. I truly believe that, and I believe that that purpose is written in our heart, and I believe that purpose is fully expressed when we allow ourselves to be unapologetic about who we are and to fully express ourselves and to take up space and to share what that thing is that we've been given to be, do and express in the world. I truly believe that when we do that, everyone benefits and if we don't, everyone pays the price in some way, shape or form. You know whether it's. You know in this case, you know maybe it's just. You know finding some comfort in knowing that you're not the only one who's struggling with relationships out there, or finding, maybe finding some tools or some advice that can help you break some of your toxic relationship patterns.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Like, imagine had I not done this. Imagine for a second like, oh my God, I don't even want to. I don't even want to go there, because this podcast means so much to me. So take that, let that sink in. Let me know in the comments, wherever you're seeing this, which part resonated for you and what you take away from this. And if you love this episode, please, please, please, please, leave a positive rating and review on Spotify or iTunes or wherever you're seeing this. Until next time, you guys, massive love.
