The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
The Power of Walking Away | What You Want Can’t Come In Until You Let Go of What You Don’t
We stay too long.
We hold on too tight.
And sometimes, we love the potential more than the person in front of us.
In this soul-baring episode of The Femme Cast, I open up about the terrifying — and ultimately liberating — moment I realized I was clinging to a relationship that no longer aligned with my truth.
Not because I didn’t know better… but because I was afraid.
Afraid he might change — but for someone else.
Afraid this might be as good as it gets.
Afraid of the unknown that would come after walking away.
Sound familiar?
We explore the emotional weight of:
- Convincing yourself breadcrumbs are enough
- Holding on to empty promises that never lead to real change
- Abandoning yourself just to keep something that’s already fading
I’ll share the mindset shift that changed everything for me:
"Can I accept this person exactly as they are today — without needing them to change — for the rest of my life?"
If the answer is no, you already have your answer.
Letting go doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means you’re finally choosing you.
And when you do?
That’s when the right love — the one that sees, chooses, and honors all of you — can finally find its way in.
🎧 Press play. This might just be the episode that sets you free.
Stop begging to be chosen. Choose yourself instead.
You’re not here to beg, chase, or perform for the bare minimum.
You’re here to reclaim your power and become magnetic to real, soul-aligned love, success, and abundance.
Reclaim the version of you that never had to beg to be chosen.
Book your 90-minute Sacred Reclamation Intensive.
But fair warning—authentic connections, aligned opportunities, and breakthroughs in love, money, and purpose are inevitable.
Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. Welcome, if you're new. Today's kind of a continuation from last week's conversation where we talked a lot about you know the importance of being able to spend some time on your own for a season and you know all the benefits and the healing that came from that opportunity for me when I went on my relationship hiatus. For me when I went on my relationship hiatus, and how it really empowered me to make better choices in my relationships and it eliminated the fear of missing out from, you know, just settling for relationships that I knew weren't aligned for me in one way or another, you know. But sometimes and this is where we take it a step further in this episode this is where we take it a step further in this episode Sometimes we also need the courage to walk away from a relationship that we are already in that we know isn't for us.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I know that I've been here many times where, you know, I have been in very unhealthy relationship dynamics and I knew that I wasn't being treated the way that I deserve to be treated, whether it was because I was being cheated on and lied to about it for years. And you know, I stuck it out and I did everything that I thought you, you were supposed to do to make a relationship work. And I felt like I couldn't leave because I didn't really have the proof that the cheating was happening, although I knew it was happening. I mean, there's so many signs that it was happening but I was afraid to walk away until I had the proof, like like hardcore evidence, that it was taking place. And even though you know whether I could prove or not prove the cheating, I still wasn't being treated the way I wanted to be treated in a relationship. There were still so many things missing, so many things that I wasn't getting in that relationship. And then there were other relationships where, you know, I knew I was settling for breadcrumbs, I knew I was settling for scraps. I knew guy was one foot in, one foot out the entire time and I knew that every time he ghosted me and disappeared for several weeks it was because he was hooking up with somebody else. And then when that grew stale and or that didn't work out or for whatever reason, you know, month, two months, he would, you know, show up in my DMS again. I start blowing out my text messages, right, and I knew they weren't for me. I knew it, but I stayed.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I was afraid to leave and again it goes back to that same fear that we talked about last week, that fear of but what if this is as good as it's going to get? What if I'm not going to find any better? Or what if I'm single, like for 10 years, before I find somebody else to fill this void, right? Or to take his place? Or and this was the worst fear, I think, of all because so many times I would, you know, break up with people and then they would end up, you know, marrying or falling in love with the next girl.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It's like what if I leave this guy and he gives everything? Like tomorrow, he wakes up tomorrow morning and suddenly he is a man of my dreams and he's ready to give all his love, and he ends up giving all his love to somebody else other than me, right, and and you can actually, like, you can almost visually see this play out in your mind's eye, right, and it's scary. So it keeps you stuck because it keeps you hanging on to something that isn't for you and again you are draining all of your energy, you are depleting all of your resources and you are hiding so many parts of yourself because you're afraid to let go of this one person. And you know, all the while you're eroding you. And I think that's where you know, that's where we inevitably perpetuate the pattern of being abandoned again and again. It's because we're self abandoning ourselves in these moments, and I think that these relationships come along to show us and mirror to us how it is that we're abandoning ourselves. And so I don't think we can ever be in a healthy relationship as long as we're self abandoning, because there's always part of us missing, there's always part of us that's not showing up to the table with the rest of the gang. And you know we can't heartedly, we can't wholeheartedly be present in this relationship if we're leaving parts of us behind or shrinking or hiding or whatever.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So a mindset shift that and I was having this conversation with a friend yesterday you know it can be scary to walk away from a relationship, especially if you think that you know this relationship is miraculously going to become the relationship of your dreams tomorrow. So I you know the most important question that I always like to ask, and this is what I always ask myself and this is what we asked, you know, our friend yesterday is the person that you see in front of you right now, whoever he is, whatever he looks like, whatever he does, however he treats? I want you to take a good look at the person that you see in front of you right now and I bet you any money that, no matter how many times you've tried to negotiate for what you need and you've campaigned for what you need and you try to have the talk as to who it is that you need them to be and how you want them to show up in relationship with you, but they've pretty much been consistently the same person throughout this relationship. Right, like they have not changed, no matter how many times you've talked to them, no matter how many times you know you've had the talk, the conversation or whatever the money, how many ways, different ways you've asked for what it is that you need in this relationship, um, they've not been able to meet you there. And even if they've promised and I know I had an ex who did this every time, he was so good at this Every time we had the talk, you know he would come up. No, from now on. Things are going to be different, where you're going to be like this and and, and we're going to have these types of dates and we're going to go out once a week and we're going to. You know, we're going to do all these things that we used to do, that we haven't been doing anymore and that maybe lasted about a week, and then he would revert back to his normal patterns and behaviors. And that's because that is who he was Right, whether I liked it or not, and whether it was the person I fell in love with or not. That is the person he grew up to be and I needed to accept that. There was no changing him. And you know and this is this is a conversation for another day, with this conversation between you know what is unconditional love really and what does it mean. But you know, the person that he who he became was no longer compatible with what I needed in a relationship. And that's not to say like, listen, I had this debate, I know, with somebody recently.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It's not to say that you should never have needs in your relationship. Of course you do. Of course you have. You have. Everybody has needs in their relationship. We all have needs for how we want the other person to show up, what we want from ourselves, what we want from the other person and how our lives together are going to look. The important thing is that that is not that doesn't. You don't need them to make you feel something about yourself. You need to be strong and centered in your self-worth and knowing who you are and what you want and that you are deserving. That is not something that somebody else can validate for you or make you feel because of how they treat you. You really need to be able to cultivate those feelings on your own.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But you know, having said that, aside from that, there is ways that we like our partners to show up for us in relationship. There are communication styles that we like that we don't. There are love languages that work for us that don't. You know all the. There are values that we need to agree on. You know people say you know what are the five most important things in terms of your, your beliefs and your lifestyle, and you know how do you feel about your partner having a different set of um criteria for their lifestyle or their beliefs than you do? Can you be okay with that? Can you not like these are? These are really important questions that you need to be able to ask yourself and reflect on, and that's why I think having that period or that time out to be on your own is so important, as we talked about in the last episode.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But you know, all that aside, um and I forgot where I was going with this train of thought but basically me and this person you know, we, you know we became two totally different people. We've been together for years and we had evolved and we had all we've grown together, but we had, we hadn't really grown together. We kind of grown apart and we wanted different things and we expressed ourselves in different ways. And, you know, we were starting to see the world differently and our values were starting to change and we just weren't compatible anymore. Not to mention, there was so much dysfunction in our relationship and there's definitely was infidelity going on, even though I wanted to, whether I wanted to admit it or not, um, you know, and I just kept trying to make it work, despite seeing all these differences, and it wasn't until a couple of months before we finally ended.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:When I ended it and I, I, I took one look at him and I said we are worlds apart. Like when did this happen? And I didn't even notice it. Like it was happening and eroding slowly over time. But we had moved worlds apart. Our values were tremendously different, um, we wanted wildly different things. And not to mention, you know, you know there was trust issues in the relationship because of his extracurricular activities, like there's no other way to cut it. And you know, I just got to a point where I just didn't need the proof anymore. It's like I know that this is happening. So why am I sitting around waiting for proof that I know I'm never going to get Right?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, anyways, all that to say, I was terrified to leave this person. Terrified because my whole identity was wrapped up in being this person's partner in the life that we were going to have together, the home that we were going to have together, the careers we each reach, going to have, how many cars we're going to have, how many kids we're going to have, like, like, everything about my identity was wrapped up into this person's, like, was entangled with this person, and that was probably that was my big mistake, because my identity became entangled with him. Right, you never want to entangle your identity with anyone else. Your identity is yours and yours alone. Yes, you can partner with people and you can be compatible and you can share life together, but your identity has to be yours, right, you have your identity, they have theirs, and then you have the identity of the relationship with the two of you together, right? So it's like it's like it's like a holy trinity it's the you, the them and the together right? So I lost that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I lost sight of that, and I think that was probably the scariest part of leaving this relationship is because who I? Who was I when I left? What was my future? It was a big, freaking, marquee question mark, right? And I would think about it like what? What would become of my life if this person was no longer in it, when I've literally entrenched and envisioned my entire, my entire future with this person being there with me? And then there was the fear of all the promises they made. You know that they would change, that things would be better, that things would be different, that they would, we would communicate better, we would connect more, we would spend more quality time together. You know what, if all that was gonna happen tomorrow and I ended the relationship today and I missed out on the, the one thing that I wanted more than anything in the world, and that was to make this relationship be what I thought it could be, or what it was in the beginning, that it wasn't anymore and then one day and this was again a very long like roundabout way of saying, um, this was the question that we asked a friend of mine yesterday.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The person that you see in front of you today, who they are right now and who you've been fighting with them to change or snap out of, this person that has been in front of you for the last weeks, months, maybe even years, or decades even, and they have not changed. You know that they haven't changed, even though they may have told you that they would. You know that they haven't changed, even though they may have told you that they would change, but they haven't. Can you spend the rest of your life with this person? Is this the person that you want to be with? Can you be happy being with this person the way that they are right now? Can you accept them fully, wholly and completely and and, and, knowing that they will never change, that this is going to be who they are for the rest of their and? Can you be happy and can it feel like a compatible partnership if they remain the same? Because if the answer is no, then you have your answer, because chances are they won't change and some people do change, but that change you've heard this a thousand times.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I know it's a cliche, but it's so true that has to be centrally motivated, that has to come from within them. That can't come from you. So you sitting around begging, pleading, coercing, manipulating, trying to get them to change is not going to work, doesn't matter what you say, doesn't matter how you say it, doesn't matter how you bait the conversation, doesn't matter what arguments you bring to the table. It's all going to end the same. They're not going to change unless they want to, and chances are.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you've fought with them, pleaded with them, tried to manipulate the situation or not maybe, but you know massage the situation right to your advantage to get them to behave the way you want it to, or say the things you want them to say, or do the things you want them to do. And they still haven't done it. What makes you think they're going to change what still haven't done it? What makes you think they're going to change what? Nothing. This is who they are. They've shown it to you because, even though they've said one thing, they've shown that they've they've acted another. They've acted in another way. You know they've shown up differently. They have they verbally said they were going to show up for you. So you have to trust the physical cues of how they're showing up. You have to trust who the person is and what they're doing and decision that they're making outside of those conversations, because that's what's showing you who they really are and might not be that they're a bad person. They could be a really good person, but you just might not be compatible and that is okay and I think that you know we.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It takes courage to walk away, yeah, especially when there's nothing waiting. You know in the horizon, like another, like a plan B, waiting in the horizon, who's everything that we've ever wanted, and it's easy to walk away. Actually, this happened to me once where I left someone who couldn't be what I wanted them to be and I was fighting tooth and nail to get them to be what I wanted them to be and I was fighting tooth and nail to get them to be who I wanted them to be and finally in the end, um, you know, I I had met someone who I was a friend with. We weren't, nothing was going on between us. It was very, very, very platonic, but he was somebody that I could really see myself with and I really thought that there was something there between and there was there was something there between us, um, but he was somebody that I could really see myself with and I really thought that there was something there between and there was there was something there between us, um, but it was complicated. I had my baggage, he had his baggage, um, but I had wanted to leave this other person for so long. It wasn't until this next person came along and I had the glimmer of hope of the possibility of the perfect relationship, just sort of standing there on the horizon for me to walk towards.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And then, when I ended that relationship, buddy takes off and starts dating somebody else and I'm left oh my god, like. I'm actually like by myself right now. And this is literally what started my healing process, and I do believe this was by divine design, because I know that the universe was like okay, it's time for you to leave this relationship. We need you to evolve, we need you to heal, we need you to move past this, but we know you're not going to because you're stubborn as fuck and you're holding on to this guy like he's a life raft for you. So we are going to show you something in the distance that we think, or that you will think, is a good option for you and like an upgrade and like, oh my god, this is what I wanted. See, he is here, I'm going to leave this guy, I'm going to go for that, and then, boom, leave you with nothing but your own internal thought patterns, fears and limiting beliefs so that you can do the fucking work. That was the purpose of all of that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, yeah, so you know, like again, and that that that is probably what led to my seven year relationship hiatus, which happened shortly, maybe not right after that, but a couple years after. That is when my um relationship hiatus kind of began. I knew the universe was pushing me to be on my own. I knew that there was an evolution that I needed to go through, and I knew that in order to go through it, I needed to spend a season by myself. And, and by the time that came around, I'm like okay, you know what? I'm okay with this. Now this feels like the right thing for me to do, but it took me a long time to get there and I think that you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It always comes back to those important questions that I think you need to ask yourself is can you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life the way they are right now? Can you accept them, love them and be excited to be with them for the rest of your life? And another question to ask yourself which is you know, you can kind of learn from my experience is you know, if Buddy is not showing up the way that you wanted to, like this is plan A and plan A is not showing up the way you wanted to, and suddenly there's plan B sitting there on the horizon with that, checks all your boxes and comes with all the bells and whistles that you would have wanted in a relationship. And again, I'm talking about significant things. I'm not talking about material, surface level things Like. I'm talking about the important things that you look for in a relationship and that you would want in somebody to spend your life with.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If somebody were to come along with all those qualities and traits that you're looking for, the values that you're looking for, and be fully and completely compatible. How quickly would you leave this person that you're with right now If they were already there, if they were standing right in front of you saying here, I am, here, I am, I'm here, you can have me. Now we can start our life together, we can live our happily ever after. I will do all the things that you've been asking this guy over here to do that he's not been able to do for you. I'm going to show up and do all of those things for you. Would you leave? And how fast? Would it make your head spin? Would it make his head spin? Probably. And so, if that's your answer there, your answer right, you know that you're meant to leave this person.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You just have to find the courage and the faith to know that wasting time with somebody who's not for you, um, not only is it detrimental to you, to your energy, to your spirit, spirit, to your essence and and and who you are, but it's also keeping you from the relationship you want. You just have to be willing to have faith that it's going to show up when it wants to show up, and it may not be on the timeline that you want, but trusting that you'll be okay in the process and that it's an important part of your preparation to being with that person. Because I do believe that I went through. I went through that relationship hiatus for so many reasons, so many reasons. There was so much healing, um, but I do think it was. It was, it was in preparation for calling in a higher love that I had experienced up until that point, and I do feel more ready than I ever have to call in that level of love, um, and but at the same time, I'm also patient with it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know I, as much as I want it and I'm ready for it, I'm like, oh, I can't wait for it to show up, but also not in a position to settle Right. And believe me when I tell you the universe has tested that theory with me and I was like, nope, not taking the bait, not settling. I know who's for me and I know, I know how my person would treat me and I know how they wouldn't, and I'm not ready to settle. I am no longer available for settling on that. And you know, and I think that you know when you can find the courage to walk away from what's serving you without not serving you, or the relationship that's not for you. You really do set the intention to say, hey, universe, I don't want this, this is what I want. Oh, okay, now you've made room for it, now it can come in.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But also, you know, recognizing that you know sometimes you do have to spend some time on your own getting ready for that compatibility to come into your life, because the last thing you want and I will leave you with this thought, you know the last thing you want is for this amazing relationship to come into your life and then to sabotage it with all the baggage that you're carrying from your previous relationships. You know you don't want that. You don't want that. So take your time, don't rush it. You know, when it's time, it's time, you'll know. The important thing is listen to yourself, listen to who you are, what you want and what you're feeling, and move through that and acknowledge that and know that every step brings you closer to the relationship that you really want and that really is compatible with who you are and who you're meant to be in this life. Okay, so, if you love this episode, please leave a positive rating and review on Apple podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this. Until next time, you guys, massive love.
