The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
The 7-Year Breakup That Changed Everything | Why Choosing Myself Was the Deepest Love Story of All
It hit me like a lightning bolt:
"That’s it. I’m done. I have nothing left to give."
That moment marked the end of chasing, shape-shifting, and settling. What I thought would be a short break from dating spiraled into a seven-year relationship hiatus—not out of bitterness, but out of something far more sacred: a call to come home to myself.
In this deeply vulnerable episode of The Femme Cast, I share the truth behind my unexpected journey into singlehood. No, I didn’t plan to be single for seven years—but what started as a timeout turned into the most profound spiritual initiation and self-reclamation I’ve ever experienced.
If you’ve ever found yourself overgiving, constantly seeking approval, or shrinking your truth to avoid abandonment, this episode is your mirror. Your invitation. Your medicine.
We explore:
- The exact moment I reached emotional rock bottom—and chose me
- Why I stopped trying to “be chosen” and started choosing myself
- How I reclaimed my energy, voice, and purpose by opting out of relationships
- The surprising gifts that emerged when I stopped performing for love
- How this sacred pause helped me reconnect with my power, passion, and worth
- Why intentional singlehood is the healing portal every over-giver needs
- The slow, messy, beautiful journey back into dating as a fully expressed woman
- And how becoming unavailable for crumbs made me a magnet for emotionally available love
This is not just my story—it’s a blueprint for every woman who’s ever lost herself in love. And it’s not about swearing off connection. It’s about never abandoning yourself again in the name of it.
And when you learn to source your safety, validation, and joy from within, you stop settling. And you attract the kind of love that meets you there.
If you’ve ever said “I have nothing left to give,” this episode is for you.
Because your self-worth isn’t up for negotiation—and neither is your peace.
Let's do this.
Stop begging to be chosen. Choose yourself instead.
You’re not here to beg, chase, or perform for the bare minimum.
You’re here to reclaim your power and become magnetic to real, soul-aligned love, success, and abundance.
Reclaim the version of you that never had to beg to be chosen.
Book your 90-minute Sacred Reclamation Intensive.
But fair warning—authentic connections, aligned opportunities, and breakthroughs in love, money, and purpose are inevitable.
Hey guys, what is up? Welcome back to the Femcast. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. This is probably the most transformative story of my life and even though we're going to talk about it here today, we talked about it before. But it was a decision that I made to go on a relationship hiatus. My relationship hiatus was seven years now.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I didn't intentionally set out to say hey, I'm cutting off relationships for seven years. Brb wasn't like that at all. It was just a okay, I'm taking a break from relationships. I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted. I remember them.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I remember the moment so clearly. I remember thinking that's it, I fucking had it. I'm exhausted. I've been giving all my energy, all parts of me, all my heart, all my mind, all my thought patterns, everything into all these like relationships that were giving me nothing in return. I can't do it anymore. I'm done. I just want to focus on myself right now. I'm just going to be focusing on myself. I don't give a shit about anybody else or who comes along or what. This is, this is, this is my turn now. It's me time now, and I can remember it so clearly. Like it's crazy and I feel like you know, I really felt something shift in me that day and I think you know I never.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know people always ask me well, did you plan to be like at a relationship for seven? No, I didn't put a number to it, I didn't say I'm taking a break from the relationship for seven years. You know, I kind of said taking a break, be back soon. You know, I'll be back when it, when it feels like the right time. And it just never felt like the right time until seven years later I was like, okay, you know what I think? I think I'm ready to start letting people back in again, but even then it's been kind of like letting people in and then closing the door again, letting people in and closing the door again. So it's not like it's been a very slow transition back into, you know, being fully open to a relationship again. Um, but it has made a massive difference in the types of people that I've attracted into my life and it's also made a massive difference in me and how I show up in my life and my relationship. And I think that's been the biggest gift, I think, in this experience for me anyway is, you know, when we consciously choose to be single for a while. You know, when we're single on purpose and single by intention, something shifts right, and I think that it is one of those things. It's one of the most profound healing experiences and transformational experiences that every woman should undergo. It's the medicine we didn't know we needed, especially especially if you are a people pleaser, like I've always been Okay.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So I want you to think about this for a second. You know, go going back to that moment. I was like that's it, I'm done, I fucking had it, I'm not doing this anymore. Nope, I'm like, I'm tired, I have nothing left. I literally remember saying I have nothing left to give. I've given everything that I have within me to give. I have nothing left to give, right, I just, I, just, I just want to be me right now. I just want to be selfish. I want to focus on my life. I want to focus on my career. I want to focus on my career, I want to focus on my health. I want to focus on making my dreams come true, and nothing, everything else takes like a backseat, everything right there.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That marked the beginning. You know, there was kind of like the version of me before that day and there's a version of me after and I don't believe she'll ever be the same again. That's not to say that I've closed the door on the who I was before. She's still part of who I am and she's still part of this experience and I still, you know, she's still the same person or the same version of me who got me here, but there's definitely been a massive turning point in who I am and how I show up, and there's so many reasons for this. I think you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Number one, when your people please run and over, give her like I was, so much of your time and energy goes to how you're going to show up right in your relationships to get people to choose you, to like you, to appreciate you, to turn their head, to get them to notice you, to get them you know hot for you or whatever right Like it's. Like there's so much energy and focus being put on how this person is going to respond, or what they're going to think, or what they're going to feel, or how they're going to react and trying to, and and this is where this is where the toxic traits come in right, you're. Essentially, what you're doing is you're manipulating yourself. You're you're being a chameleon. You're manipulating yourself into being showing up as becoming, expressing yourself as looking like who or whatever you think you need in order to get the response you want from the other person.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It is very manipulative, like, don't get me wrong, we don't always realize that we're doing it and we don't always realize, I think, how manipulative it actually is. But it is quite manipulative and it's not that we're, you know, it's not that. It's not that we're trying to trick people. That's not where people pleasing and overgiving comes from. People pleasing and overgiving is very much a trauma response.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, we're very much afraid of being abandoned and rejected, and the thought of being abandoned and rejected can often feel like it's like the death sentence. Okay, like the death sentence. Okay, um, so, uh, like I always said to people like if I was like I don't know if times were different, if I was a different person, like if I, like committed some sort of like heinous crime, the best thing you can do to punish me, it's like put me in a cell and constantly make me feel rejected and abandoned. So that's worse than any like death penalty. Um, for my soul anyway, at least it was at some point. Um, but that aside, um, you know, because we're so afraid of being abandoned and rejected, we're constantly trying to morph into who we think we need to be in order to avoid said abandonment and rejection. So, although it is quite manipulative, it actually comes from a very vulnerable, fearful place of self protection. And so and you know, we don't realize it until we step out like I had no idea until I stepped out of the arena Right, that how much energy energy number one was going into pleasing these relationships and overgiving and trying to get the love and attention that I, that I wanted from them, but also how I was basically adjusting myself and showing up and as a different version of myself, as an inauthentic version of myself, in order to hold on to that love and affection.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, yes, I depleted my energy, but also I depleted me, I depleted my essence, I depleted who I was, I watered down my full, my fullest and most authentic expression and became something different, right, in order to please or be compatible with these other people in my life. And I think you know, having that taken that time where I was away from you, know that need for that external validation that I would never be abandoned or rejected, rejected. I found parts, I discovered who I was. Again I found parts of myself that I hadn't looked at or seen was, again I found parts of myself that I hadn't looked at or seen in years. I, you know, realized that there were so many things that were important to me that I wasn't paying attention to. There were, you know, talents and dreams and visions that I had that I wasn't nurturing, and then I was putting all my energy and focus into these other things that weren't aligned for me, that were totally burning me out because that's what I thought I needed to do, right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So the amount of energy that you get back from, you know, constantly jumping through hoops to keep these relationships happy and in your life, I mean it's just insane. And not only that, but just the pieces of you that you know you've abandoned, that you've turned your back on because you didn't think they were the parts that these people wanted, that or that would get you the reaction or action that you wanted out of, or the decision that you wanted out of these relationships, if that makes sense. Like you know, you kind of you kind of hid those away and, you know, created different parts that you thought were going to get you the love, the commitment, the external validation that you were seeking, so you learn about who you are. You literally take so much of your energy back and I think, you know, the most important thing in this experience, I think, for me, is because I had been out of relationship for so long, right, and I got so much energy back from that experience so there was no longer like jumping through hoops trying to please and and and impress and impress people, and because, you know, I started to see and recognize all these beautiful parts of myself that I kind of left by the wayside or, you know, kind of shrunk or hid because I didn't think people could accept these parts of who I was, you know. And so I really start to rediscover myself again, I really start to get my energy back again, I really start to love and appreciate myself again for who I am and suddenly I'm feeling okay not being in a relationship. And this is really important Because it's that very feeling of you know being okay, not being in a relationship that is going to break the pattern of you settling for relationships that you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know you shouldn't be settling for. The little the red flags are like waving at you, that little nagging voice is inside your head telling you to walk away. And you know, usually you know nine out of ten times we ignore that when we hear it, and the reason is is because we're afraid to say no, we're gonna. We're afraid we're gonna miss out on an opportunity. We're afraid that another, better opportunity isn't going to come along, right, when you can be on your own and see the benefit of being on your own and see how much you can accomplish being on your own, because, let me tell you, taking all the energy that I gained and taking all the insight as to who I was and what I wanted and what was really important to me, and put those together and suddenly you know you have the power to create like kingdoms, right, and you know, suddenly you're working on your purpose work and you're out there and you're creating a podcast, no-transcript, or you're creating new friendships or your connections, or you're traveling to places that you've always wanted to travel to but you never gave yourself permission to.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, I did a lot of these things and it was all because I put relationships on a shelf for a season, and I do think that making that bold and unconventional decision to put relationships on hold for a little while is the most transformative thing every woman can do. This is like your sacred spiritual timeout of relationships. This is you being single on purpose, single with intention. This is the medicine that every people-pleasing woman did not know that she needed. Because when you take that timeout and you take that external influence that has literally been guiding your every decision how you show up in relationships, what you wear, what you say, how you talk, how you move, who you're in relationship with, what sort of work it literally I feel like I didn't notice this at first, but I feel like now, in retrospect, when I think back, I feel like the underpinning of all of my decisions was always what, what are people going to think, but especially what are the people who I you know that I wanted to be in relationship with a wrong relationship thing going to going to think?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, because ultimately, again, for me it was always about avoiding the abandonment and the projection. So you know, when I took all of that energy and focus and attention away from them and put it onto myself, and you know my energy started to, to, to um, amplify and I really started to know who I was, what I wanted and what I wanted to create in this world, started to know who I was, what I wanted and what I wanted to create in this world. I created a life that was a 180 degree I don't know what you want to call it flip of the life I was living before, which was wildly unfulfilling, although it looks great on paper like I'm not gonna lie, it looked absolutely great on paper. It was wildly unfulfilling and, you know, kind of expanded and branched off into all these different directions that you know, had I not taken that relationship hiatus, I never would have had the opportunity to do because I would have been so wrapped up in what does this person think? What does that person think and what do I need to do, where or say in order to get them to? You know, to love me, to choose me, to like me or whatever.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Taking all that back and putting that all on my like, back onto me again, was the best thing I could have ever done, and I think that you know, being alone for so many years, like I said, you have to be pretty fucking amazing now for me to want to spend my time with you. You know there's no more settling for breadcrumbs. There's no more settling for half in half out of a relationship. One day you're hot, the next day you're cold, stringing me along, you know, spending time with me this week and then next week spending time with somebody else and coming back like a couple weeks later. Hey, babe, what have you been up to? Been thinking of you Like there's none of that anymore.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, I, I, I'm perfectly fine, waiting for somebody who I think is all in, who I love to be with, who I have great chemistry with and conversation with. And you know I really don't have a desire to settle. Does that mean that I don't want a relationship in my life? Absolutely not. Of course I want one. Of course I want one. You know I can't wait to call that relationship in, but I'm not in a position to want to settle for it like I used to be and to settle for, you know, whatever comes along, for fear that I won't find anything better, or maybe he's good enough for right now, until Mr Right comes along.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But there's none of that, because I know the value of my energy. I know the value of what I can create with that energy. You know when I have it focused on the right things right and when I'm showing up as my most authentic self and not, you know, trying to kind of morph myself into who I think. You know, somebody else wants me to be and so, no, I'm not going to squander that energy on just anybody and no, I'm not gonna, you know, be with somebody that I feel like I need to kind of be a different version of myself in order to keep them there. Hell, no, like now, I'm as much as I, you know, do want a relationship in my life. I would love to have a relationship in my life.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Not, not, not available for squandering my energy anymore on on relationships that don't give me anything in return. And I'm certainly not, and you know not, available for, you know, showing up as anything other than who I like, my authentic self, in any relationship. That's what to say that I don't have. You know, we all have quirks, we all have things we can work through, we all have ways we can improve ourselves and be, you know, aware of self, aware of how we're showing up and our patterns and whatnot, of course. But that doesn't mean that I need to show up as a false version of myself. That doesn't mean that I need to pretend to be something I'm not or hide parts of myself because I think that they're not good enough and they won't be loved, not available for that anymore, you know, and being in the situation has been liberating for me because it takes away the pressure of feeling like I just need to find someone, and find someone quickly and kind of settle with whoever comes.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I don't know that I ever consciously said those words, like I never said I just need to settle with whoever comes along. And you know that I ever consciously said those words, like I never said I just need to settle with whoever comes along and, you know, be happy with it. Like we never actually consciously do. That it's so sneaky the way we agree to these relationships because it's like you know someone will come along and I'm thinking of a specific example right now someone will come along and we know we're will come along and we know we're into it. Like we know we're into it, right, but at the same time there's that little nagging voice telling us don't do it, don't do it. And it's like I hear it. I hear the voice, I hear, I hear it, I feel it. I feel like a little niggle in my solar plexus that this isn't the person for me, but I'm gonna go ahead anyway.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I mean and these are the thoughts that start to come to your head right, I could be over-exaggerating. Yeah, maybe I'm just being paranoid. Yeah, yeah, I'm probably being paranoid. Yeah, it's probably nothing. You know, I'm seeing 10 red flags right in front of me right now. Maybe they're just, you know, maybe they're not really red, maybe they're just sort of pink or coral or whatever. And you know there's really nothing to be alarmed about. Maybe I'm just being paranoid because I got burned so many times before that. You know I'm being hard. Maybe I need to just let that go. Keep an open mind, keep an open heart, think positive, everything will be fine. It's not. It's not going to be fine.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know and this is what I always say to people either he's a healthy partner or you still have blocks and fears from the past, in which case you should probably deal with them, start address those, either before or simultaneously as you start to get into these relationships. So, you know, I usually say, if you're, if your intuition is telling you that something's up, something's up, and you know it's not, yeah, sometimes it could be trauma from past relationships. Sure, of course there is that. But I think we know, like I think we know when someone's not for us, and that's not to say that we don't, that's not to say that we never get duped, because you know, when I, when I, was cheated on by somebody that I would have trusted with my life, like my whole world turned upside down. I never saw that coming but, but there were some red flags early on in the relationship and I didn't, I didn't pay attention to them until after that happened and I was like, oh, that's what those red flags were all about, right? So, yeah, so you know all that to say.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, after being on your own for seven years, knowing how much energy you get back when you're not in these toxic one directional dynamics with people with who are emotionally unavailable to you, and when you know the power of putting all that focus, energy and intention on yourself and your purpose and your values, yeah, it is like you better be fucking amazing before I decide to like, actually share energy and space with you. You know, which wouldn't have been the case before, right, and I think that we'd all those excuses that we were talking about before, and this is the point that I was trying to make. Oh it's not that bad, oh, the red flags aren't that red, or they're not that many, or I'm just being paranoid, or maybe you know, maybe I'm just seeing things that aren't there, whatever. If you really ask yourself, okay, what is it that I'm really afraid of underneath all of that? Like that's what your head is telling you, but what's underneath all of that, you know, that's the important question that you have to ask yourself, and usually what ends up being the question that we're asking beneath the surface is or maybe not question, but maybe the fear or the thought that's're asking beneath the surface is or maybe not question, but maybe the fear or the thought that's coming up beneath those those, those thoughts, is, I'm afraid, you know, what if this is as good as it gets?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:What if it doesn't get any better? What if this guy, what if I'm seeing? I'm not seeing things. Well, I'm seeing things from, you know, a jaded perspective, and this guy is actually the best thing since life spread and I'm not allowing myself the opportunity. And then, when? What happens?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you know, I let this go, and then I regret it and I'm alone and I, you know, I can't take it back after right, it all comes down to a fear of being alone. It all comes down to this fear of missing out that this person in front of you is literally the best thing that could ever happen to you. And it's hard sometimes because we do feel, like you know. I can remember feeling like you know, after life has shown you time and time and time again, like this is this, this is all you're going to get. It can start to feel like that's all that's available to you and you start to believe that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I think that's where that's where the real work comes in is having the faith that, even though your relationship patterns have been disappointing and lackluster your entire life, it's being able to cultivate that faith that says you know, no, I know there's something better out there for me and I'm I'm okay with taking my time and waiting for it to show up, rather than squandering my energy, my values, my purpose, my authenticity on someone who's not for me. And so, you know, as you know, as time goes on and we, you know, we continue to be single on purpose and single with intention. We get stronger and stronger in this ability to say no, not ready to settle, no, you're a great guy, you know, I think you're wonderful, but you're not who I'm looking for. You know, I know who I'm looking for. I know what I want and this isn't it, and I've had to put that to the test a lot in this last year.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know where I had to walk away from. You know, in some cases, some people who looked really great on paper, you know, who seemed to check all the boxes on the outside but for whatever reason, something was missing on the inside and I I just had to trust that. People who I really loved to people who I cared for, who you know, although there was all the emotional connection there, um, that I would have wanted, you know it was just. You know, there were so many other important factors missing in order to make them a compatible partner and to make it a viable relationship that I had to walk away, like I literally had to break my own heart and walk away. And that was because, you know, I have been on my own for seven years and I know that I'm going to be okay and I don't.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I know that I don't need a person in my space in order to feel fulfilled, and I know that you know when, when I'm in that aligned relationship, um, you know it's going to bring so much positive energy and momentum into my life. Um, you know, and if it's not the aligned relationship, it has the exact opposite effect. And I'm just not available for the opposite effects, for having my energy drained, for having my authenticity, my values, my purpose, my essence of who I am diluted to try and fit into somebody else's you know expectations or be compatible with somebody who's not for me, you know, and I think that has really truly been the most powerful thing. So it's helped me to expand my energy, it's helped me to really get in touch with who I am and what I want, to get to know myself again, and it's totally helped me to live with more purpose and intention and to put more focus on what it is that I want to create, empowering me to be more selective about who I spend my time with, which was not the case before I took this relationship hiatus.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, it was almost impossible to walk away from an opportunity to be with somebody because somewhere down there and like the back of my mind, underneath all the noise up here, somewhere in there was this thought that what if it doesn't get any better? What if this is the best you're going to get? What if nobody else comes along? Or it takes them forever? Like what if you're waiting 10 years for the next guy to come along? Or you know what if this guy's the man of your dreams and you didn't give it a chance and now you'll never know? And then you'll regret it. All those thoughts go by the wayside because you know who you are, you know what you want, you know what you're capable of, you know you can do it on your own.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So you're not willing or ready to squander it on somebody who can't meet you where you're at and be compatible, as opposed to I don't know what the other word would be. I'm trying to find a cute little, a cute little rhymey word, but I can't find one. So, other than compatible, I guess, somebody that you have to kind of mold yourself or shape shift in order to fit with. You don't want that. You don't want to feel like the, the square peg in a round hole. You know you want to find that perfect fit, that perfect match, um, and it's not to say that they're a perfect person, but they do have to be a good and compatible match, and I think that's the really important thing. So, um, you know I say this to every woman if you've never taken a time out from a relationship, from being in relationships, um ever, I think every woman should do that at one point in her life. I think it's the most important, most powerful act of self-discovery and self-love that any woman could go on.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And you'll know when it's time. And the way that you'll know when it's time is you're going to have that moment where you're just so done, you're so exhausted. You're going to have that moment where you're just so done, you're so exhausted. You've given so much. You, literally you've given all your love, all your heart, all your attention, all your affection. You have nothing left to give anymore. You're tired, you're burnt out. That's it, you're done, I've had it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I'm literally paraphrasing what I was saying in that moment I've done, I'm done, I've had it. I can't do this anymore. I just need to focus on myself right now, and I don't give a shit. I don't. I don't want to be in relationship right now. I don't want to put any energy or focus or intention on any person outside of myself. I just want to focus on myself for once, and I think, when that moment comes for you. You need to listen to it because it is not just a powerful part of your healing journey. It is literally an invitation to love yourself more deeply, tap into and reclaim your worth and tap into a power that you did not know that you had up until this point. Please leave it a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this, and until next time, you guys, massive love.
