The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
You’re Not Broken—The Relationship Pattern That Is Meant to Heal You and Wake You Up
Have you ever found yourself obsessively drawn to someone you knew wasn’t right for you—and then judged yourself for it?
This episode of The Femme Cast is about to blow the lid off what attraction really means.
The truth is: attraction isn't random. It’s coded into your spiritual DNA as a divine mechanism for healing and evolution. Those magnetic pulls? They're not mistakes—they're soul compasses pointing you toward the lessons you most need to grow.
Let’s be real.
That emotionally unavailable ex?
That situationship you knew was a dead end but couldn’t quit?
That person who waved every red flag in the book and still had you hooked?
They were never random. They were assignments.
In this vulnerable and eye-opening conversation, I'll share my raw personal journey of being irresistibly attracted to all the wrong people—until the day it all changed. From feeling butterflies for toxic partners to now experiencing the “ick” response when faced with the same dynamics, I unpack what happens when you finally learn the lesson, integrate it, and shift your energetic signature.
No more attracting what wounds you.
No more settling out of fear of being alone.
Just wholeness, boundaries, and magnetism that only calls in what’s aligned with your highest good.
Get ready for an empowering reminder that healing changes your taste—and that’s a good thing.
Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:
- Why attraction is your soul’s GPS—and how to read it
- The real reason you're drawn to red flags (and how to stop)
- How healing shifts your desires from toxic patterns to healthy love
- What it really means when someone suddenly gives you the “ick”
- The importance of curiosity, not shame, in examining your attraction patterns
- Why boundaries aren’t walls—they’re magnets for emotionally available partners
- How to tell when you’re choosing from fear vs. choosing from wholeness
- Why the willingness to be alone is the ultimate power move in love
Let’s normalize healing, conscious attraction, and waiting for the love that chooses you back—every single time.
Let's do this.
Ready to step into your Magnetic Love Era? If so, The Magnetic Love Story Manifestation Method is now open for enrollment.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/products/courses/view/1180320
Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show, so excited and grateful that you're here. Welcome, if you're new, let's dive in. Okay, I know we had a bit of a difficult conversation last week. Guess what. We're going to have another one this week. Yay, I'm so excited. No, I'm not. But a difficult conversation, but one that definitely, definitely needs to be had, and that is this.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I love you guys, but just so you know, you are always going to be attracted to the person, place or thing that you need on a soul level in order to heal, evolve and grow. Okay, not, they're always going to find you, not, they're always going to. I mean, there's yeah, there's a little bit of that too, but you're also always going to be attracted to and this is part of our divine design, so that we seek out the very thing that helps us evolve as spiritual beings. Now, this is going to get a little woo-woo for some of you, but hear me out. If we are truly all just spiritual beings having a human experience here on this planet for our own spiritual growth and evolution, wouldn't it make sense that we naturally gravitate to the people, places and things that are going to trigger the crap inside of us that is going to bring us to our own spiritual healing and evolution. Of course I mean, if I were God design us that way, right, of course? Of course we're hardwired for this. We are hardwired to seek out and be attracted to the very thing that is going to help us see where it is that we need to evolve, the lesson that it is that we need to learn, and how we are meant to apply it so that we we could experience the evolution that we came here to experience.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Case in point many of you know I recently got back online. Very different experience than the last time, around a few years ago. Very different experience. Here's what's changed. I am not attracted to the same type of person that I was attracted to before, anything.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:When I see them now, it actually becomes a massive turnoff for me. And the reason is been there, done that, learned that lesson, ain't doing that, not even that. I'm not doing that again. Like it's not that, I'm, it's not that. I'm telling myself, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not going down that road again. We've been down that road and I'm denying part of myself.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:No, I'm actually like turned off by what I used to be turned on by, if that makes sense, like now when I see it, it's like ugh, like it's like an ick, like it's not even that I've got I put you know how sometimes they say you know you can put yourself in denial and say mm-mm, nope, been out with that guy before. I know exactly who he is and what he's all about. I ain't going down that road again, no, but you still feel the activity downtown. You know what I'm talking about. But you're like, try and deny yourself, but you're not really, because downtown you're like, but it's on, no, not like that, it's like an ick, it is the ick. You know the ick that you get, that you can't like unick after you ick it. It's like no, not happening. And I really do believe it's because I got all I needed to get from my homework back in the day and I really don't need to repeat that grade again. I don't, and so I'm not attracted to it anymore. And not only am I not attracted to it, but I can smell it a mile away and I'm actually pretty repulsive to them. They don't like, they don't particularly appreciate my boundaries or my standards or the fact that I'm pretty clear on what it is that I want. They're not a fan, right, and so it's kind of like huh, this is interesting. I feel like my life has become this like experiment and I'm literally seeing, like the after effects of, like whatever potion I've created. I'm seeing the after effects of it now and I'm like this is interesting because it wasn't like that before.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, and it's funny because, you know, as long as the lesson was there, the attraction was insane, even though they weren't for me. I mean, they were essentially, but they weren't like not long term, they weren't my long term, they weren't my long term person, but so they weren't for me. And yet I could not and this, and yet I convinced myself that they were. They weren't good people, but I lied to myself and made myself believe that they were. I sure as hell made it seem like they were to everyone else, you know, because God forbid anybody else know the truth. So I was like covering up how I really what I really felt, not only what I really felt and believed, but also how they were behaving right. So it was like I was making myself believe it was something better than it was, and I was also making everything everybody else believe it was something better than it was, and I even believe, on some level, I was making them feel like they were better than they were, you know, and that's probably why they kept coming back, because I kept boosting their ego and I made them feel really good about themselves in the process, right? So now it's like that's. Those days are done, finally, oh, finally. No more, no more, nope. But for as long as I needed to learn those lessons, I needed to. I needed to keep attracting those types of individuals, and not only just attracting them, but I also needed to be attracted to them in order to allow them in so I can experience whatever it was I was meant to experience with them.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Take the lesson, extract it, apply it and move on. This took several attempts. It does not have to take several attempts. You can shrink the time down. Okay, take several attempts, you can shrink the time down. Okay. Now hear me out.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I am not saying this is not a green light, like, listen, okay. This is not a green light to whoever you know flutters your butterfly to like, go out there and just be like okay, let's go. You know, be careful, use caution. Okay, tread lightly, because this is not a green light for you to go out there and just do whatever your libido tells you to do, because your libido lies. I'm telling you that right now it lies. But there is something to be said.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:When you are attracted to somebody and the more attracted you are attracted to somebody, and the more attracted you are, the more you need to question why you're so, especially in the beginning. Like I think it's normal to have like a built up attraction with a partner. I think that's healthy. But when you have that insane attraction in the beginning and you know, you know they're not for you, like you know they're not good for you, you can tell just by looking at them that they are not your person. And yet there's this part of you that's like but can we, would it be really bad? How many red flags are they holding up Really? Are they really red or are they just kind of pink? No, they're red. You see them. There's many of them and you're pretending that they're not there.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Why I want you to start. I want you to get curious, okay? So, rather than running off into the sunset with Mr Red Flags, which is probably, instead of a sunset, probably gonna only turn out to be, I don't know what would be the just five minutes, but anyway I didn't wanna to go there. Anyway, point is you ain't going to run off the sunset with Mr Red Flags. What you are going to do is be like, hmm, I'm strangely turned on by Mr Red Flags. I wonder why.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:What is it that turns me on about him? How this is a very important question how does he remind me of my last partner or my last few partners? What is it about him that reminds me of them? What is it about how, the way he behaves, that is reminiscent of them? Or how does he make me feel about myself that maybe they made me feel in the beginning, when I first met them, and I got kind of hooked to that feeling?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You want to start to explore all of these things and start to ask yourself what was the lesson the last time for me that maybe I ignored and I haven't fully integrated into my life today? Where have I been kind of neglecting? Where the lessons were? And this lesson's now coming back, knocking on my doorstep. Hello to like, be let back into my world, when I've actually said but universe, what I'm looking for is the partner. Like my life partner, I want the man of my dreams to show up at my front door and you keep sending me these douchebags because you need to be ready for the man of your dreams and therefore the universe is like but I need to send you these douchebags so you're ready, so you don't fuck it up when I send them to you, do you get that? So, instead of running flames first into this red flag relationship again, like you did the last time and the time before and the time before that pause, why might this be coming back? Why might this person be presenting themselves to me right now, and why am I so attracted? What is it really that I'm attracted to? What is it about them that I've seen in my partners before that I've not learned a lesson and not integrated and done things in my life differently. So, like an integration would be so many different things. Right, it could be.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, if I think back to a lot of my past relationships, I ignored the red flags. I ignored the red flags. I listened to my libido. It got me into trouble every single time and every time I got into a relationship, I kept ignoring the red flags and thinking if the attraction was there, it was on, it was perfect, everything else we could work through Bullshit, right. For me, it was about letting go of this notion that, you know, attraction was all we needed in order to make a relationship work. I needed to realize that there's a lot more that goes into a relationship than just attraction. So much more, so much more.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:There's also, for me, was boundaries. I never upheld my boundaries in relationship, right, and you know, people came and went and I felt disempowered and taken advantage of every single time I overgave. They didn't give anything in return. I felt depleted, exhausted and, you know, taken advantage of in the end. And that was because, very specifically because I needed to learn boundaries and I kept you know every time it would happen.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It was almost like the opposite would be true the more people would leave and the more people would break my heart, and the more people would abandon me, the less boundaries I would have, because I would think I need to be more flexible, more accommodating, more convenient, otherwise people are just going to keep leaving me. Right? But what an actual fact I needed to do was the exact opposite. I needed to learn not to let people walk all over me. I needed to learn to have higher standards for myself. I needed to learn not to let people walk all over me. I needed to learn to have higher standards for myself. I needed to learn to speak my truth, even when it was uncomfortable, and say the uncomfortable things and really have those boundaries that I needed emotionally, physically and mentally so that I could be my best self, and only then would I be a match for a healthy relationship, because only a healthy relationship would expect and appreciate those things, and a toxic one won't. And I can assure you that the toxic guys online are not digging my standards and boundaries right now, and I'm fully okay with that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:There's one thing that really starts to happen when you start to do this work and move through a lot of these lessons, and that is that, like you know, like we talked about last week, that fear that you're not going to, that you're going to have, that you're going to be alone, starts to fade. That fear that you're not going to find the perfect person starts to go away. That fear that that FOMO of like oh my God, but what if this is my person and I'm too hasty or I'm not convenient enough, or I push them away, and all these things that you used to tell yourself. They're no longer relevant Because, you know, even though, like to this day and this is just me being fully honest do I want a partner? Of course I want a partner. That's why I'm online, because deep down, I really do want to be with a partner and I'm ready to be with a partner and I'm ready to share my life with a partner.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But here's what we're not doing that we used to do. We're not settling in order to have that partner. I am not settling on my values, my boundaries and the things that I'm looking for in a relationship Like I would literally rather be on my own than settle again. Do you know what I mean? And it's not to say that I will be on my own, but you almost need to be willing to make that choice, to say listen, I know what I want in this life, I know what I want in a relationship. I'm not settling in this life. I know what I want in a relationship. I'm not settling for less anymore. I'm just not available.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And that's not to say that the person that you're with needs to be perfect. Of course not. Nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. How can I expect perfection? Right, they're human, I'm human, but there needs to be. You know, there's certain things that you know are my non negotiables in terms of how I'm treated in a relationship and how a partner shows up in a relationship, and you know I'm not willing to bend on those. And so you know, going out there now, you know and this is the beauty of not being afraid, to be alone for a little while is you don't make these shitty ass decisions because you just want to have someone there.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You are willing to say pass, I'm going to wait for the right one and I would rather be on my own, living my best life, doing the things that I need to do for me and my world, so that you know and be available and open when the right person does come along, because I do know that they will. I don't know how long it's going to take. Maybe it'll be tomorrow, maybe it'll be a year from now, who knows? But the point is and it may even get uncomfortable sometimes, like you know, I've been on my own. Now for what seven years I was in a relationship last year. That was amazing.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Do I want to wait another years for another seven years for a relationship? Probably not. Would I feel good about that? Probably not, but here's what I do know. Okay, what I know is that I would rather do that than settle for the wrong one, because I know what I'm, what I deserve. Do that than settle for the wrong one because I know what I deserve. Does that make sense? So, even though it might still be a little bit, yeah, I'd be sad if it took seven years to find them. Sure, I would be, of course I would be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to settle on something that I don't want in order to have just someone there.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, because I mean, what was the point of the last seven years if that's the choice that I make now, you know, and I can make that choice and not do it, you know, not begrudgingly. Or you know, it's because, but no, because, as much as I would love to have somebody here today, I'm not willing to lower my standards or or, or, or, you know, neglect my boundaries in order to have somebody in my world. That's just not how we do shit. No more, you know, and I'm okay with that. That's just not how we do shit. No more, you know, and I'm okay with that. And that's the point you need to get to, because only then are you going to make the right decision on who it is that you want to be with.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You can't make a right decision when you're still caught up in the fear of oh, but, oh, my God, what if I'm alone? And you have to just be okay? You have to be okay with being alone in your mentally, even though you may not have to be, but you have to be willing to accept that outcome for a little while in order to say to the universe no, no, no, no. We're not doing this game, no more. We're not going back there where we went before. We're not attracted to that anymore.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I'm okay with waiting until the right thing comes along and until then I'll focus on myself. I'll do, I'll live my best life. I'll do the things that I want to do. I'll take the vacations I want to take. I'll take the cooking classes or whatever yoga classes or Pilates. Whatever you want to do, do whatever floats your boat until that person shows up.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But the important thing is that you don't self-abandon yourself. And what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated, and what you expect in a partner in order to just have somebody there next to you's probably gonna make you more unhappy than you think you're gonna be when you're on your own Because, honestly, if you're doing it like I said, the goal I'm not gonna say if you're doing it right, but the goal is to get to the point where you can enjoy the time that you spend with you and whatever way feels good to you. I will leave you with that. If you love this episode, please leave a positive rating and review on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this podcast. Until next time, you guys, massive love.
