The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
How to Handle Ghosting Without Losing Your Self-Worth (The Truth About Being Truly Unbothered vs. Just Pretending)
Ghosting can feel like a punch to the gut—leaving you questioning what went wrong and spiraling into self-doubt. But here’s the thing: your energy is too valuable to waste on someone who can't communicate with respect. In this episode of The Femme Cast, I challenge the common advice to "play it cool" when a ghoster comes crawling back. True empowerment isn't about acting unaffected—it's about recognizing your worth and not engaging with someone who’s emotionally immature.
We'll discuss:
- Ghosting often triggers a spiral of self-doubt and questioning what you did wrong
- How influencers suggest playing it cool when a ghoster returns, but this approach misses the mark
- True high-value behavior means not investing energy in someone who has shown disrespect
- Refusing to engage with someone who ghosted you isn't about what they think—it's about valuing your energy
- The person who's right for you would communicate honestly even if it's uncomfortable
- Moving through the discomfort of being ghosted eventually leads to genuine unbothered confidence
- Focus on knowing what you deserve rather than trying to change how others treat you
I share how I’ve navigated being ghosted countless times, what I’ve learned, and why the right person for you would never disappear without explanation. Tune in for a no-BS approach to protecting your energy, reclaiming your worth, and setting boundaries that honor your self-love. Remember: If someone ghosts you, it says more about them than it does about you. Don't chase validation—your next relationship will honor you from the start.
Ready to step into your Magnetic Love Era? If so, The Magnetic Love Story Manifestation Method is now open for enrollment.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/products/courses/view/1180320
Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here Today. We are going to dive right in because I have a shit, ton of shit to say today, because I heard an influencer talking about what to do and not do when being ghosted and I have to, respectively, disagree. Now, this is somebody who I have a lot of respect for. I think she gives great content. I love her point of view. I love her take on things. I think she brings a great energy and a great vibe to the industry. However, she, I think, mentioned like two or three, three or three points. I think there's most of it I agreed with. There's one point that I really, really, really hardcore, disagreed with, and I want to talk about it on the show today.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:As somebody who has been ghosted many, many, many times, I have been down that rabbit hole, you guys, more times than I care to count. I've learned a few things. I fucked a few things up, I did a lot of things wrong, and now I do things very differently than I used to, and I'm okay with that, because now I get to share it with you guys. See how this works. So, back in the day when I would get ghosted. You know, first it would always be that honeymoon phase, right, like whether you're dating or just talking online or whatever. You're going through this phase like this. This is the best thing since sliced bread, like we've got everything in common. We're so much fun. Oh my god, we have all the same interests. We've been down all the same. We've had all the same experience, all the same heartbreaks. Even. We're like two twin souls who randomly found themselves online. Where's this person been all my life? Oh my god, we've been sharing so much of our story in our lives together. I think this could be my person. Boom, they're gone, they're ghosted. They're like Casper nowhere to be seen or heard from Boo.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Then you're mystified. You're like what happened? What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Did I smell funny? Did I do something wrong? Did I? Did I chuckle in a weird way? Did I do that snorting thing that I do? Did I say something wrong? Did I smell funny? Did I do something wrong? Did I chuckle in a weird way? Did I do that snorting thing that I do when I start laughing? Did I completely turn him off? Did he hear shit about me? Oh my God, did he hear something? Did my ex get to him? Like?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You start to go down all these like crazy stories and rabbit holes of what could have possibly happened to get this guy to suddenly stop talking to you without a trace, without a reason, without an explanation. Nothing, nada, gone, disappeared, adios muchachos, nowhere to be seen or heard from. And you're now trying to justify all this in your head right and now you're trying to resist the urge to spam him of all the reasons why he shouldn't have done that. And that's probably wasn't the beginning. This is probably later in the journey, after I had gone through some personal development. I'm using air quotes right now. Right, I've gone through some stuff, I've experienced some stuff and I've learned some stuff. And now I'm going to set a boundary and I'm going to put you in your place.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You don't treat a woman that way. That is very disrespectful, it's very rude and it shows that you're very emotionally immature. You just don't go through. I'm a high value woman. You can't treat me that way. If you have to start bargaining for your worth and your value and you have to start making a point of having that conversation and texting these long ass text messages explaining how valuable you are. You've already lost the argument. You've already lost the argument because you are texting him, trying to restore your position of value, because you feel like it's been taken away, because this person has disappeared. And now you're trying to restore it by getting them to admit to the error of their ways, maybe even apologize and try to set the record straight. That was probably how I used to do things all the time. Okay, now I do things a little bit differently.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And she agreed. She agreed that you know she was sharing her perspective. She said you know you don't do, you know you don't go down the. I don't know if she hit the rabbit hole, but I definitely say don't go down the rabbit hole. She definitely said the part about don't you know, not with the crazy messages trying to advocate for your worth and your value. Don't do that, because as soon as you do that, you've already lost the fucking argument. There's no point whatsoever in doing that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But here's where I started to disagree. So she said when he comes back and I made a face huh, what do you mean? When he comes back? What are you talking about? When he comes back? And oftentimes they do actually circle back around, when, when they realize that there's nothing else going on that they're missing out on, when they didn't find back around, when, when they realize that there's nothing else going on that they're missing out on, when they didn't find the greener pastures they went out looking for, they usually do come crawl them back.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, um, she's like, when he comes back and so I made a face she's like you're going to act really unbothered, you're going to just hey, how's it going? How are you? How are things? If he asks you out, oh and oh, and you're going to take your time responding. You're going to respond when you feel ready to respond. And already I'm like what do you mean respond? What, what are we talking about? Then she's like then he's going to, if he asks you out, you're going to say I'm going to check my schedule and get back to you. You're going to take your time getting back to him. Then you're going to set a date and you're going to go and you're going to meet him. And then I think she might have said you're going to show up a little bit late and you're going to be completely unbothered by the fact that he ghosted you and you're going to show up in this exact energy until he then turns around and starts you which, I agree, probably works in theory.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:No-transcript Like. Why would you ever want that? Why would you ever chase somebody who ghosted you, left for like a few weeks to go see if the grass was greener on the other side and then comes crawling back? Why would you want that bothered you? You want to come off as being unbothered. Here's what unbothered to me looks like. Okay, here's what. Here's what being empowered and unbothered means to me, even if you have to fake it at first and I do realize you may have to fake it at first, and that's that's okay, I faked it at first too.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:All good, trust me, being unbothered by somebody ghosting you means that you are able to walk away from the situation and not give a shit what they think and know that you deserve better and not tolerate that in your life. I am not going to put myself out there, play some ridiculous game of energetics which, to be fair, probably will work in the end, because she's not coming at it from a chaser energy. She's coming at it from a receiver energy where she's kind of standing back and kind of letting him find his way back to her and I get that. That could totally work. But the fact that he ghosted still shows to me emotional immaturity and a lack of respect for her and for women in general, because you just don't do that. You just don't do that to people. It's a lack of respect for people in general. Right, when you start, when you ghost people like that, it's just not a cool thing to do. And so for me, if I'm coming at this from being a high value woman who knows that she deserves better and doesn't care what anybody else thinks because I think that there's this perspective that, oh well, if he goes to you and then he comes back, you want to act like you don't care. So you still answer his calls, make dates, but you just play the game, right, you just kind of look back and try to look like a cool cat and all of it. You take your time responding, you take your time booking a date. You take.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:What about not caring what this person thinks? That's what my thing would be. My thing would be I don't give a shit what this person thinks about me. They can think I'm angry at them. All they want, if they want to go home at night and think, oh, I, you know I must have broke her heart because she totally blocked me on Bumble and I can't get through to her because I ghosted her and like two weeks later I tried to, like you know, hook up with her again or like contact her again and I noticed that she had blocked my account. So I must have really done a number on her. Yeah, go ahead and think that that's just fine. Go right ahead, think whatever you want. If you've ghosted, I actually could care less.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:What matters to me, being a high value woman, is where and how I invest my energy, and I will be damned if I invest my energy in somebody who chooses to ghost. I would rather save my energy for somebody who treats me in a respectful manner, who shows up repeatedly, who's honest about where they are and what they're looking for and where some of their doubts might be or where some of their triggers might be, who's ready to have an adult, emotionally evolved conversation. If you're going to deal with shit by ghosting, I don't want a relationship with you. You're not my person, like. I know that from the get-go. So why you would entertain that is beyond me. It makes no sense, especially when we're talking about having empowered high value relationships as women.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Who cares what the mofo thinks?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Who ghosted you? Who cares? If he thinks he broke your heart, Let him think whatever the fuck he wants. If he ghosted you, your energy is way more important than what he thinks you're feeling. Do you get that? Let me? Your energy is way more important than what he might think you're feeling. So I would rather let somebody think that they've hurt me, that they've wounded me, that I had to block them because I was angry or I was upset or I was this, that or whatever. Have them make up any story they want about me. Go right ahead, because I know I do not want to invest my energy in anybody who would ghost and disappear and then come back when they realize when the grass is not green or on the other side, fuck. No, I don't want that. Hell. No, absolutely not. I will leave that for somebody else to pick up. Thank you, that is not mine to pick up and I really, really, really, really don't want that to be yours to pick up either.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now I realize that this might be difficult at first. The first few times you do this, it's going to be hard because you have to go through a period of fighting for your worth with yourself, not other people, but with yourself. You have to fight for your worth with yourself because if you've been in a pattern of people pleasing, of overgiving, of constantly settling for less than then it's going to be a bit of a battle getting you to a place where you can be unbothered by someone ghosting you. Someone literally ghosted me the other week and honestly, I'm fine with it. I'm fine with it because I to me, I know I know my worth, I know my value, I know my person is out there. I don't need to fight from for my value or my worth. I don't need to like get out there and start having debates with people. I know that my person is going to show up for me when the time is right and until then, anyone who goes is off my radar and I and this.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:This is not something that happened overnight. This was an evolution over time and the evolution began with first going crazy, trying to figure out what I had done wrong. Then it evolved to I'm going to fight with anybody who does this, that or the other to me and I'm going to advocate for my worth and I'm going to advocate for my boundaries and I'm going to. I'm going to fight for how I expect to be treated to then playing the game of I'm unbothered. You know what? Now I am actually really unbothered and I don't invest in those types of situations anymore because to me, my energy is more valuable than his opinion of me, and so I am very selective about where I invest my energy and I am 125% okay with that If people think that that's offensive or rude or whatever In the beginning.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You have to resist the urge to text. You have to resist the urge to fight. You have to resist the urge to text. You have to resist the urge to fight. You have to resist the urge. You know when, when, when, when the ideas come up, when you start to spiral and start to think of all the reasons of why you could, what you could have done wrong to turn this guy off, to make him ghost, make him disappear like that. You have to. You have to really get in your head and you have to start to tell yourself this had nothing to do with me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Somebody who ghost, it's an emotional immaturity. It's somebody who you know, for whatever reason maybe they weren't that into you and they're really out there trying to find, you know, if the grass is greener on the other side, or making sure they're not missing out on something else. Or, you know, maybe they had a moment of vulnerability that they weren't comfortable with, so they pulled back. You know where they shared too much and they kind of felt a little bit too vulnerable. Things got a little bit too real, so they kind of pulled back a little bit. All well and good, none of which I want to entertain as a relationship. So I think the first thing that needs to happen is you need to decide what it is that you want to entertain in a relationship and what it is you want in a partner going forward.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you want somebody who's going to wobble back and forth all the time, who's not going to be sure about where they stand, who's going to have one foot in, one foot out, making sure they don't miss any greener pastures on the other side, then by all means continue to play the game with the guy who ghosts. See if you can get him to come crawling back to you and begging for your forgiveness, only to have him ghost again down the line. Because that's the kind of behavior you get from these types of people. They kind of come in, they come out. It goes back and forth. You know, if they're not sure about you, why bother? Really like why bother? You know you want someone who is at least sure about you. Maybe they've got some stuff to work through. Maybe they still have got some fears, some quirks and some hangups. That's okay. We still do have a lot of healing and evolving in within our relationships. We don't need to come into relationships. Perfect, we can all be a hot fucking mess and still be in a loving relationship, but they should at least be sure that they want to be with you, and if they're not, they are not your person.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So resist the urge to fight with yourself and come up with a list of reasons and I know you can come up with pages and pages and pages of reasons of why he might have decided to stop talking to you, and I'm going to tell you to ignore all of it. Okay, you might want to fight and advocate for your worth, for your value, to stand up for yourself, to stand up for how he treated you for stand up for all the reasons why it was wrong. I'm going to ask you to fight that too and keep telling yourself what it is that you actually deserve. And is this what you want? No, this is not what I want. No, this is not the kind of partner I'm looking for. No, this is not how I want to be treated. And, yes, everything about what he decided to do has everything to do with him and nothing to do with me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Because I'll tell you right now, the person who's for you, the person who is worth your time, would have a conversation with you and say to you listen, you're a great woman, I love your sense of humor, I love this, I love that, but you're just not my person. And they would tell you, honestly, might be uncomfortable, maybe it's not something you want to hear, but they would give you that level of respect and honesty. And until you have that level of respect and honesty, do not waste your time with any of these other mofos because they are not worth it. And so, right then and there, you can keep telling yourself he is not my person, because if he was my person, he would not be treating me this way. I know what my person looks like, I know how my person treats me and this is not it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And, yes, this feels shitty and yes, I feel insecure and yes, I'm overwhelmed in self-doubt, but I'm going to keep leaning into the discomfort of being ghosted and eventually it gets easier and that's when you can stand in your power and actually be unbothered, once you've gone through that storm of the discomfort of being ghosted. So that is my advice to you Do not fight, do not advocate, do not go down the spiral. Do not play the game of I'm unbothered and pretend to be unbothered. Move through the discomfort of being ghosted so that you can actually become the unbothered, high value woman who's out there looking for the partner who's going to treat her like a princess. That's all you guys. Until next time, massive love.
