The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
Why Chasing Love Pushes It Further Away (And What To Do Instead)
Have you ever felt like the harder you chase love, the further it seems to run from you? Like every time you try to prove your worth, convince someone to choose you, or hold on tighter, they only slip further away? And faster.
In this episode of The Femme Cast, we’re diving deep into the energetics of chasing, why it never works, and how this pattern is actually by divine design—pushing you toward the real lesson or pain you’ve been avoiding. Because the truth is, every time you run after someone, you’re not just chasing them… you’re running from yourself.
We'll talk about:
- Why anything that is pursued instinctively moves away (and how this plays out in relationships)
- The subconscious craving for external validation and how to break the cycle
- How your relationships mirror your inner wounds, forcing you to confront the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding
- How moving through your emotions rather than running from them transforms your energy field and makes you effortlessly attractive
If you’ve spent years chasing unavailable love, waiting for someone to finally choose you, or feeling stuck in the exhausting cycle of wanting what doesn’t want you back—this episode is for you. We’re tearing down the illusions and getting to the core truth of what actually makes you magnetic.
🎧 Press play now. The love you seek is already seeking you—but first, you have to stop running.
Ready to step into your Magnetic Love Era? If so, The Magnetic Love Story Manifestation Method is now open for enrollment.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/products/courses/view/1180320
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful that you're here. Welcome if you're new. I'm very excited and I'm also very high strung today because I just recorded 30 videos 30 like little mini videos for the training that is launching next week. I'm so fucking excited for this training. It is so off the hook.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I am like my energy is so unhinged as a result of creating it. That's why I know it's aligned. The work is truly powerful and I talk a lot about how I explain, a lot about emotional energetics, but I also so the program itself is called the Love story manifestation method, magnetic love story manifestation method. Um, and I really teach you how to tune, how to harness the power of emotional energetics to manifest your ideal love story. It is so powerful. I've been using this for my own personal um relationship manifestation process and it is so fucking working. You guys like, honestly, like I was telling I was explaining on the video today how, um, I created this love story and this day, this day in the life of my perfect love story and when I kid you not, I've had the question on bumble, like is as my icebreaker. Like you describe your perfect day. I swear 90% of these dudes are describing the exact same day. Anywho, it works. It's probably available by the time you're seeing this. Maybe the lessons haven't dropped, I'm not sure. When I'm posting this, I might still be in pre-sale, which means it's actually a good thing because the content isn't available yet, but you'll be able to get it in at a discount, so make sure to check the show notes for that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now onto today's episode. I kind of wanted to talk about why we get into this pattern of, you know, chasing relationships, and why. Why is it that every time we chase love, why is it that every time we chase love, we push it further, further, further away? There is actually a very logical reason. First of all, it comes down to energetics, but there's also a very there's a reason that's really truly and powerfully by divine design as to why this happens, and we're going to get into it, and we're also going to get into what you need to be doing instead, and this is something that we touch on in the course as well. So I'm going to give you a little bit of nugget here, but obviously, if you want more, if you want less chasing and more attracting, go ahead and check out the course. I would love to see you in there. It's called the Magnetic Love Story Manifestation Method. Go check it out in the show notes.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now, why do we chase? I spent my entire fucking life chasing after relationships. If I ever did the math on all the relationships that I chased after, waited for, tried to convince, assumed would one day come around and choose me, I could probably, like I don't know, raise a few children in that time frame. The amount of time that I've wasted chasing after one relationship to the next, never, ever, like this hard, never, ever. Letting it sink in that, hey, maybe this isn't the way to do it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, you've ever heard the saying. You know crazy is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Well, crazy is constantly chasing and expecting that you'll actually catch anything you won't. Have you ever jumped in? I mean, I don't fish, but I'm assuming if you jump into a pond and start chasing fish, they ain't coming towards you. They're probably going to swimming like miles ahead of you trying to get away from you, if I'm not, if my amateur mind is not mistaken. Again, I don't, I don't do fishing, I really don't. Just wrong, no, not for me, anyway. So okay.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So let's talk about this for a second, because this is a legitimate thing. Like people who have been stuck in this pattern of constantly chasing, I can, I can guarantee you, if you're listening to this right now and you've been in a pattern of chasing relationships for most of your life and I'm not making this is not to make fun of you, trust me, I've been there but I would I challenge the person to come on here on my socials or in the show notes or below the show notes or whatever in my inbox and tell me that the harder you chase, the faster they run. Tell me that's not true. I dare you. I dare you to tell me a case where actually chasing them when they were running for you actually worked out. That is, at least until you stop chasing, because if it did work out, it probably worked out when you stopped chasing, did not? Am I not right? And there's actually a legitimate reason why this happens.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:First of all, it can be explained with pure physics and energetics. Number one and number two. Again, I can't stress this enough by divine design, it is meant to work that way. It is supposed to work that way because there's something more important for you to be doing instead of chasing after that person. So we're going to jump right into it and really taking this on as a practice alone will transform every single one of your relationships.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Doesn't matter what you're chasing love, affection, attention, affirmation, acknowledgement doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what you're chasing after. Think of your chasing as an addiction. I want you to think of it that way and that's what we're going to get into, and we talked about this a lot in the course today. I'm so excited for this course. Oh my God. Okay, I got to hold it together. So let's break it down.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, energetically speaking, something, anytime you're in a chaser energy, so anytime you're chasing after something, you're actually energetically repelling it. Anything that's being chased is by someone or something is being repelled by that someone or something. Have you ever had anybody around you that had really clingy energy and like was always like come, I need you, I need you right. What do you do? You run for the fucking hills. I don't care if you're a man or a woman. It's not a good energy to be in the receiving of.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I know it's funny because a poor friend of mine was just in a situation where they, you know, had manifested what was described in oh, what was the name of that movie Wedding Crashers, when Vince Vaughn was like you've got a five-stage four-alarm clinger here or something like that. Literally. My poor friend manifested a four-alarm, five-alarm clinger and it's not good vibes, like, it's not fun, it's not a good feeling. And you know he was trying to be nice about it and trying to, like, you know, let him, you know, let him down easy and you know, be really honest and and be fair and be respectful. But he was not getting the message. It's like hello, hello, hello, constantly, constantly, constantly messaging and chasing to the point where he like, like, literally had to, like, you know, block the guy. I mean, that's an extreme right, but that does happen.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And the reality is is that, even if there was a chance for that relationship to flourish into something, something one day, but he just killed it by like, totally like, chasing and attaching and clinging and being in that needy codependent energy that naturally just repels, like, it's so repellent, it's so off-putting to the person on the receiving end, even if deep down they like it and it's a bit of an ego boost, they will still run the other direction because you cannot, you cannot safely move towards something. If it's chasing you, you have to have like a balance of energy for the two to come together. So if you're chasing too much, they'll be running. If they turn around and start chasing you, I guarantee you you'll start running from them. I mean it may feel good at first, but then when they get too attached, they'll be running. If they turn around and start chasing you, I guarantee you you'll start running from them. I mean it may feel good at first, but then, when they get too attached, you'll be like how did I get out of this? I promise you that's what happens. So you know, that is just the energetic piece. Okay, and that is just the laws of physics. That's just how it works Take it or leave it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now is the deeper meaning to why it's all happening, and this is where I want you to think about your chasing as an addiction. Okay, when we chase after said individual, for whatever reason they're cute, they're hot, they're this, they're whatever, I don't care, it doesn't matter when we chase after said individual, it's usually because we are, in turn, also running from ourselves. Their running from us is only a reflection of how we are running from ourselves, and them running from us is also the very thing that we need to trigger the emotion that we're trying to soothe, that we're not paying attention to because we're too busy running after them. How's that for a mouthful? So, in reality, when we're chasing anyone or anything, it's because there's something we're avoiding internally that we need to deal with or heal or move through and transmute, and that is why we chase, because that is the work that is uncomfortable as fuck and we avoid it like the plague and we would rather have, I don't know, our eyes ripped out. What was that saying in Not Mean Girls oh, I can't remember the name of the movie the Sing Along Pitch Perfect, when they said or May my Vocal Cords Be Ripped Out by Wolves. It's like that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, when we're running after something, there is something that we're avoiding internally, and so that person is going to keep running by divine are something that we're avoiding internally, and so that person is going to keep running by divine design, so that we are forced to look at what we're avoiding inside. Now we've been many of us managed to escape doing the inner work because we just keep chasing and if we can't catch this one, we'll chase the next one, and then the next one and the next one until we never stop chasing and never, ever, ever have to look internally at what's going on on the inside and what's plaguing us and what's hurting us and what other emotions we've stuffed down in there that we are not paying attention to. This is how emotional energetics actually works. So you know, we keep chasing, they keep running, we keep chasing, they keep running. They're running from us to mirror how we're running, to show us how we're running from ourselves. Number one, so we see the behavior, and number two, so they can trigger what we're running from, so we can witness the emotion. It is brilliant, a brilliant thought out, masterful plan to get us to do the inner work. So easier said than done, right, I get it, I know. I know because I was in that pattern for a very long time.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But if you're listening to this video, you want to learn how to stop that pattern, stop them from running, so you can actually catch up to them. So here's a strategy that I'm going to give you to do that. I'm going to give you that plain and simple here today. You are immediately going to stop chasing, immediately, right now, 10 seconds ago. No more chasing, and you're going to go within and you're going to ask yourself these powerful questions what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? What made me feel this way? What was the experience that made me feel this way? What is the higher meaning beyond why I'm feeling this way? So what is the higher purpose? What is the lesson here? What is the wisdom that this emotion is trying to to to share with me, and how can I apply that to my life today?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you were to do this every time you start going out there and chasing after this guy or that guy or whatever and actually just say, okay, you know what, I recognize, I see that I am chasing and I'm going to stop now and I'm going to just pay attention to what's going on internally, you will see a shift in your relationship pattern so profound. Number one you're not going to be chasing anymore, so they ain't going to be running, so you might actually be able to catch up to them. You may actually be able to get more wear and less wear and tear from put less wear and tear on your shoes. As a result, you may actually start to do some of the inner work, so you stop attracting these types of relationships and you may actually meet somebody who actually tends to your emotions the exact same way you do and isn't that what we've always wanted? With wrapped in a pretty little bow, that's literally all the situation is asking for you to do, and yet is the hardest thing to do. And why is that? Why is it so hard? Why does it feel so gross? Why is it so difficult?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Because I can remember when I was in this phase and I was starting and I was trying to stop the chasing, knowing like, when I finally tuned in and said, okay, something's going on here, I got to stop chasing. This is what's making them run. I got to pull back. I got to hold. I got to, I got to get this chasing situation under control and hold back. I got to hold, I got to, I got to get this chasing situation under control. And I can remember like sitting there, like legs shaking, it was like I was coming off of crack. Okay, it was not pleasant, it was very uncomfortable because they were the perfect distraction to what was going on on the inside. What was going on on the inside was a lot of hurt, anger, pain, loss, grief and eventually I found out a lot of hurt, anger, pain, loss, grief and eventually I found out, a lot of anger. I'm sorry I already said anger, rage, um, but it wasn't until I actually sat through the discomfort of not chasing, of resisting the urge, of doing everything in my power power not to chase and look at what was going on internally that the pattern actually started to stop. Now, it wasn't an overnight, it took a while, but it did eventually stop and the healing that I experienced as a result was so profound.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And this is really what emotional energetics, you know, boils down to. We've stuffed down and denied and avoided so many different emotions for whatever reason. And there's so many reasons why you know we don't process our emotions properly. You know whether it's because they're inconvenient, they're uncomfortable as fuck. We're never really taught how to and we're, most often than not, we're actually taught half of the things we feel are actually bad and so we start, you know, feeling ashamed for feeling them. But there's so many reasons why we hold on to and store these emotions and they never get really processed fully.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And the reality is, is you know, when you do the work, when you, when you dive into emotional energetics, what you start to realize? That every emotion that you move through has something for you, it has a message, it has a gift, it has a nugget that, when applied to your life, you know it's your guiding light in this life, to what it is that you want to create and how to be a more empowered being and not be controlled by all these external elements that we allow to control us because we're so addicted to how they soothe our discomfort. And that's essentially what's happening when we run from our emotional experience. And so when we can stop running from that emotional experience, we can stop running from the storm and actually run face first into it and say, okay, let's get in there, let's feel all of this the joy, the sadness, the pain, the anger, the frustration, the grief, the shame, the sorrow, the abundance, the love, whatever, whatever is here, whatever is present, allowing it to be there and allowing yourself to move through it. As I'm not even going to say observe it, I'm going to say move through it without embodying it. You know, I want you to move through it, I want you to feel it fully, but I don't want you to take it on as part of your identity. I don't want you to take it on and make it a permanent fixture in your energy field. I want you to just move through it and experience it fully and allow it to really take up space, be seen, be heard, be experienced. And then, on the other side of that, I want you to ask yourself what's the lesson that it has for you and how can you apply that to your life today.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, what do you learn from that experience? What do you learn from that emotion? What's that emotion there to teach you and how can you apply that to your life? Because if it's coming up, if you're chasing, there's an emotion coming up. And if there's an emotion coming up, then it's trying to teach you something. And the sooner you stop chasing and start listening to what your emotion is telling you and start applying it, the sooner the chasing will stop. But it has got to start with you. It has got to start with you making the decision. And this is really the hard part. The hard part is catching yourself in the act. It's always the catching. Once you've caught yourself, okay, you can say, okay, fine, I've got to do the work, I have to ask myself these questions, I've got to stop chasing. Oh, my God, it's so hard. Somebody, please give me a piece of chocolate, a chocolate plate or a pint of ice cream, because this is hard, I don't know if I can do this, and that's where a lot of like my food addiction came from. Because I stopped chasing, so I stopped.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It was funny, like I swear to you, I went from one addiction to the other. I went from. I mean I think the smoking and the addition, the addiction to chasing partners were kind of went hand in hand. And then I quit, smoking or no, the first. I stopped quitting partner, no, I stopped chasing partners. Then I became a heavy like heavy smoker. Like I went from smoking mildly smoking like very heavily. Then I quit the smoking and then I started like binge eating and it was just like I was replacing one one addiction with the other because I was avoiding feeling the feelings that were beneath the surface. And it wasn't until I started feeling the feelings beneath the surface that everything started to level off and peace out. Peace out, not in the sense of not like that, but you know what I mean.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so you have to treat your chasing like an addiction essentially is what that means and you also have to be mindful of your other addictive patterns that are keeping you from doing the internal work like don't just stop at chasing. Look at chronic shopping, look at chronic eating, look at chronic binge watching television. Um, look at always having to socialize, or chronically being busy, or always having this never ending to do list so you never settled down. All these are the same convenient distractions that are keeping us from doing the real work which is going through and feeling and being present with our emotional body. And so much transformation takes place when we can be present with that experience and not try to run from it, numb it, distract ourselves from it, deny it, bury it deep down so we pretend that it's not there.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That is truly the power of the work and it is absolutely transformative and it absolutely has the power to transform all of your relationships, not just your romantic partners all of your relationships and how you manifest in the world and how you be in the world and what you have access to in the world. But it's got to start with you. It's got to start with looking at what's going on internally, looking at whatever pain or discomfort it is that you're avoiding and allowing yourself to peacefully and unapologetically and you know and non judgmentally, move through it and experience it fully and be able to extract the wisdom, or whatever it is that it's trying to share with you and apply it to your life today. And when you do that, you become absolutely magnetic, because now you are not running from yourself anymore, now you are paying attention, now you are listening, now you are asking yourself what do you need? What can I do for you? How can I help you? What um is it that you're asking of me? What do you want me to do for you? Guess what you start to manifest more of in your life. I gave you a hint.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Let me know in the comments below, wherever you're seeing this video or episode or whatever. Let me know or email me at mariathefemcoachcom, or you can DM me at the Femcast. What do you think is possible when you start to treat yourself that way? If how people treat us is a reflection of how we treat ourselves, guess how people are gonna start treating you. This is the key to becoming magnetic. This is what we dive into in the Magnetic Love Story Manifestation Method, and I would love to absolutely see you in there and hear from you and see all the magic that you can create when you actually put this to work for you Now. That is all for today. You guys, if you love this episode, please leave a positive rating and review wherever you're seeing this, and until next time. Massive love you guys.
