The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
The Harsh Truth About Being Cheated On No One Talks About
You think you know what it feels like to be cheated on, and what you would do—until it happens to you. It’s not just about the betrayal. It’s the gut-wrenching self-doubt, the shame, the questions that haunt you at 2 AM:
Was I not enough?
Is she better than me?
Does it feel better with her?
I'm such an idiot, how did I not see it?
And the worst part? No one talks about the full depth of what it does to your self-worth.
In this episode of The Femme Cast, I’m ripping the band aid off and having the brutally honest conversation that movies, society, and even your closest friends often avoid. Because infidelity isn’t just about someone stepping out—it’s about the emotional fallout, the identity crisis, and the patterns that keep us stuck in toxic cycles.
We’re diving deep into:
- The real emotional aftermath of discovering a partner’s betrayal—beyond just anger and heartbreak
- Why Hollywood’s version of cheating never prepares you for the actual experience
- How infidelity is often a symptom of deeper issues (and why it’s NOT a reflection of your worth)
- The biggest lies we tell ourselves that keep us trapped in toxic relationships
- The first steps to breaking free, healing, and redefining love on your terms
If you’ve ever been cheated on, questioned your self-worth, or stayed in a relationship that broke you instead of built you—this episode is for you.
🎧 Hit play now. Because healing starts with finally seeing the truth.
Ready to step into your Magnetic Love Era? If so, The Magnetic Love Story Manifestation Method is now open for enrollment.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/products/courses/view/1180320
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. We are continuing down the rabbit hole of my 20-year evolution from breaking toxic relationship patterns and becoming a magnet for healthy love, and it was, you know, such a cathartic experience having to go through all this all over again, like I can't tell you how many nights I've spent literally like reliving things either in my dreams, like, whether consciously or subconsciously, kind of going through like the index cards of memories that have kind of shaped the last 20 years of my life and my healing and my evolution in a lot of these toxic patterns that I used to be, that I used to experience and didn't even realize that they were toxic because for me they just felt normal, like toxic was my norm, you know. And so having to undo all that was literally an evolution over 20 years. And then now being in a position where, okay, you know we've done the work, we've been there, let's, you know, let's get back out there and, you know, really trying, really starting to rediscover or not rediscover, discover what healthy love actually looks like and what it is that I truly want in a relationship. That's kind of the evolution that I'm going through right now. So DVD on that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:However, what I will say and what I kind of wanted to talk about today is just this kind of you know the truth about cheating that nobody talks about, you know, and kind of having gone through this experience, it is quite different, in reality, from the narrative that we hear so often of what these experiences actually look like, like. There's a difference between how they're portrayed versus actually being in them and actually moving through them and experiencing them. So we're going to talk about that today. So you know, as I've been wanting to do with this podcast, I you know wherever you find yourself. If you can safely close your eyes and get centered, please do so. If not, just continue with what you're doing and just hold the intention of what we're about to talk about and just holding the intention that you know, if you're listening to this episode, that it will find you and meet you where you are, that you will hear something that you need to hear, shift something that you need to shift, have an awakening that you need to have in order to create more healthy, loving relationship patterns. May this be the seed that helps you kind of break some of your toxic patterns and become a magnet for the healthy love that I truly, in my heart, believe each and every one of us deserves. You know, you absolutely deserve to experience healthy love, love that feels safe, love where you feel seen, love where you feel heard, and love where you feel loved just for being you. And that is my intention for each and every one of you listening to this episode today. And so it is. And with that intention, let's dive in. So the truth about being cheated on that nobody talks about, let's talk about this because you know, we've all seen it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, I think one of my favorite movies of all time is I think it was was it called the Other Woman? The one with it was Cameron Diaz, and she's the other woman. Um, hang on, yes, okay, I had to google it. So it was the other woman um 2014 cameron diaz. Leslie mann, who I freaking love like I am just obsessed with leslie mann um kate upton, who I had never seen until this movie, to be honest, but she was hilarious. And nikki minaj was also in it. I loved, I loved nikki minaj's character in this movie. Anyway, great movie about, you know, a woman who's I really relate to.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, in this film, Not in, you know I wasn't exactly, you know, like her in the movie Sorry, leslie Mann, um, I mean, I think I think I was. I was probably a little bit more independent than she was. However, having that that, that way that she had this blind faith and blind trust in her husband or partner, um, I can totally relate to. Like, I can remember, like, I mean, you know, signing papers and documents and not never even giving a second thought as to whether or not, you know, I totally trusted my partner, um, you know, and and there was never any doubt in my mind that I couldn't trust him and there was.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So one of the plots in the movie was that, you know, he was giving her these documents to sign which she didn't understand what they were and she never really read them, she just kind of signed them away and, sure enough, he was kind of keeping money laundered money, in these banks, kind of offshore bank accounts, and he had created all these fake fraud businesses that he had put in her name so that if anything ever went upside down, she would get blamed for it. It was all a whole mess. Anyway, the whole premise of the story is he's cheating on her. She finds out about it because the woman shows up at her front door. She finally puts two and two together she realizes her spouse is cheating on her and then she goes through the you know, she goes through all the stages that I went through, which was, like you know, the denial, the grief, the anger, the rage and wanting to get back at them and whatever. Right, she didn't need the proof, though she had the proof because she had the full confession of the other woman, who was Cameron Diaz. Now, you know, we see this in movies, right, we see this all the time, and this was actually probably the most real, even though it was totally comic, but it was probably the most real the real portrayal of betrayal.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Usually, when we see betrayal in movies, especially in sitcoms, you know, boy meets girl, girl loves boy. They end up in relationship together. Girl finds out. Boy meets girl, girl loves boy. They end up in relationship together. Girl finds out boy's cheating. Girl leaves boy because she doesn't tolerate that crap. End of story. Move on to the next guy.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Cheating, betrayal, infidelity is never that clean. Well, okay, I can't say never. It certainly wasn't that clean in my experience, and in my experience, this comical version was probably the closest thing that came to the real thing. Actually, even that was, I would say, was way too clean compared to how I experienced it. Here's the reality and here's what really nobody talks about.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Yes, we're constantly being bombarded with these messages. Oh, if he's once a cheat, always a cheat. If you find out he's cheating, you leave and and you know there's, there's, there's nothing. You know nothing to talk about, nothing to negotiate. You simply walk away. You don't tolerate that girl blah. Okay, yes, I believe we take a stand for our worth. I believe we treat people how to treat us. I believe what we tolerate, we invite. I believe in all those things.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But when it comes to betrayal, when it comes to infidelity, when it comes to cheating, betrayal when it comes to infidelity, when it comes to cheating, there is such a gray area in all of this and in terms of well, in terms of what to do, because I think there's different degrees. I hate to say it and I know a lot of people would agree with me, but I think there's different types of betrayal and different types of infidelity and I think that each situation has to be handled differently. I don't think there's a cookie cutter solution to any of this. But what I will say is this, and this is the part that nobody talks about it is shameful, it is messy and more often than not, it is something that we don't talk about, that we sweep under the rug, that we try and pretend is not happening, because it's almost as though we've never been given the permission slip to let it be messy that I was in, knowing in my heart of hearts what was happening behind the scenes.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Even you know, not just when I first had that moment of realization, but you know, going through the anger phase, going through the grief phase, going through the denial phase, where I still knew what was going on, I had just decided to not believe myself, not trust myself, and convince myself of a whole other narrative. I knew deep down what the truth was and I never felt safe telling people what I was experiencing. Telling people what I was experiencing Because in that experience, you know, depending on who I shared it with, I knew I would get confronted with judgment. You're just being a jealous wife, girlfriend, partner, whatever. I would get confronted with you, more invalidation and more denial of myself. Oh, you're just. You know you're over-exaggerating. You know he would never do that to you. Oh, but you guys are so happy, you guys are like the best couple. And then there's, like, the internal of all of this, which was, if I admit this, if I admit that this is happening, and I admit that this is happening and I admit that this is true, then that confirms what I have always believed deep down, that I've never wanted to acknowledge, and that is that I am not good enough, that I am not lovable, that they are always going to love somebody else more than they love me, and that was really the deeper truth in all of this.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So when betrayal happens, when infidelity happens, when trust is broken, it is messy as fuck. And to say that you know, we find out about it, we should immediately leave. That almost rarely happens, I can guarantee you. There are for every woman who's in a relationship out there. I would bet you many of them, if not most of them, have experienced some sort of infidelity or betrayal that they have not talked about, to varying degrees. And men I mean it's not just men who cheat, it's women who cheat. Too Many will argue that women have more. What's it called? Um, extra um, I want to say, but it's not just for for married couples, but, you know, extracurricular relationships, and then men do, um, sometimes they vary, sometimes they can be sexual in nature, sometimes they're just emotional in nature. You know that's also another form of of cheating, right, um, but all that to say, you know it is messy as fuck and it is not as easy, you know, to say that we should just walk away from it and, you know, never look back and move on. Yes, I mean, I think you know. I said this in a previous episode.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, I think you know, when it comes to betrayal in a relationship, I put them in multiple categories. I mean, there's a betrayal that happens that is literally like a one-off. The person is remorseful, they hate themselves for it, they've come clean about it, they want to work on the relationship. They were owning their mistake and they're owning their part in that mistake and they want to work on the relationship. They are owning their mistake and they're owning their part in that mistake and they want to work through it. I think that you know, none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, we all fumble from time to time, we all let people that we love down, and I think that when somebody's coming at it from that perspective, I think, if you choose not saying you should, but if you choose not saying you should, but if you choose, I think the relationship can be worked on, because I think, from that perspective, the person is coming into it from a lens of I fucked up, how can we fix this, how can we make this right? I am willing to do anything to make this right and I think, from that perspective, I think a relationship can always be saved.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:A jealous partner, a jealous wife, who's you know who's bringing drama, unnecessary drama, into the relationship because you're not trusting them. I think that's a different conversation and I think that is something that, ultimately, we should be walking away from, but we don't. Why don't we? Okay, we always have to look at the why. Why aren't we walking away? Why are we choosing to stay in these relationships longer than um? Why are we choosing to take our time to stay in these relationships longer than we need to? And that is because so much of our self-worth is tied into the success of this relationship and if this relationship were to fail, it would make us see our own unworthiness and not enoughness. It would become the public validation that we were never enough to be loved and begin with, and all our worst fears of abandonment and rejection are now coming true and they are out in the open.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The thought of telling people that he was cheating on me was so terrible it was. I was so embarrassed by it, I was humiliated by the cheating, and I think it's because I felt like other people would look at it as oh so you weren't good enough, and so he had to go somewhere else to get his rocks off, because obviously you were doing something wrong. Obviously you weren't good enough, and that's how I thought people would interpret it, because in my mind, that's how I was interpreting it. I interpreted his cheating, his betrayal, as, oh my God, I wasn't enough, I wasn't pleasing him, he didn't want to be with me, I wasn't good enough to be with, and this was something that you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Looking back, this was a belief that started to cement itself long before I realized there was infidelity, because before there was infidelity, there was a distance in our intimacy. That was, you know, you know, considering where we were in our, in our relationship at the time. You know, we had just moved in together, actually, well, I mean, it started before we moved in together. But we had just moved in together. You know, we were both in the prime of our lives. You know we should have been like, you know, screwing like rabbits around the apartment have been like, you know, screwing like rabbits around the apartment, you know. But we weren't. We weren't, we were so distant, like months, months would go by.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And it wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that he didn't want to, and he always had an excuse not to, and that, for me, was so painful. It was oh my God, he doesn't want me. Oh my God, he's not interested in me. I'm not good enough, I'm not the kind of woman he wants to be with. It was all about me. It had nothing to do with him. In my mind, in my mind, it had all to do with me and how lacking I was, how not good enough I was and what I needed to do in order to be desirable. Because I felt anything but. And I was struggling with this for several months before I found out about the affair, um, and then, after I found out, it just got hell worse, um, and then, even as I was moving through the denial period, and I was still trying to pretend that things were okay when they weren't.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:This was eating away at me slowly, and so you know, it's not just the betrayal, right, it is everything that we make the betrayal mean about who we are and what we're worth. And oftentimes these narratives come way before the betrayal even shows up and then it becomes this shameful secret that we hide and tuck under the rug and pray that nobody ever finds out about, because then the world will know just how much we suck as a partner and a lover and a wife or a girlfriend or whatever that we could not, you know, keep our person um faithful. And you, I mean this is the thing that nobody ever really fucking talks about, because you know we're supposed to be these strong, independent, confident women that you know don't need all this external validation, that who aren't insecure and who aren't jealous. There's all these rules we need to play by, but inside there's just this vulnerable mess of emotions that we have no safe place to really express. And you know, making this mean something about what you're worth as a woman and as a human is very real in this process and in this experience, and, you know, until we kind of feel, you know, I think we need to change the narrative when it comes to how we experience these types of relationships and betrayals in our lives, because I think we need to start giving people permission for all the feelings and all the doubts and all the meanings and the associations that we attach to it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It is so messy, it's not clean, it's not clean at all. It's not as simple to say is the moment you find out that he's cheating is the moment that you leave? It is not that simple and I think that's a lot of pressure Because we're going to move through self-doubt, uncertainty, we're not sure, we're not clear that you know whether or not the cheating happened. Maybe it's a hunch, maybe we don't have real concrete evidence, maybe we're denying the concrete evidence, maybe everything is making it mean something about ourselves that we just don't want to accept. We need to start having conversations just how complex these experiences are and then really trying to understand how complex the decisions that we make as a result of these experiences.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:They're not cookie cutter. They are anything but simple. They are messy as fuck and they will bring up so much of your own internal self-worth issues that I can probably bet you there's a ton of women out there and maybe you're one of them who is pretending that the infidelity never happened, who is so desperately trying to hide it because you're afraid of what people are going to think of you and what they're going to say about you behind your back, and that they're going to think, oh see, it wasn't good enough, so he had to go someplace else to get it. Because that is a very, very real thought that we have when we go through these experiences. So, rather than out ourselves and out our experience, we choose to pretend that it never happened and maintain our picture perfect relationship, partnership, marriage, whatever for the sake of not letting people have the same realization that we are not having about ourselves, which is that we're not enough.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, if you're somebody who has, you know, moved through infidelity, betrayal, you've experienced this, but you're whether you're trying to deny it or you're idly sitting back and letting the betrayal happen and not acknowledging it and choosing to just kind of sweep it under the rug and pretend that it's not there I want to ask you to ask yourself why, choosing to just kind of sweep it under the rug and pretend that it's not there? I want to ask you to ask yourself why. What is it that you're hiding? What is it that you're ashamed of? What are you protecting within yourself by keeping this truth hidden? Because, let me tell you, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have not done anything wrong, and this has nothing to do with you not being enough or not being good enough, or hot enough, or sexy enough or you know whatever enough. This is everything to do with a breakdown in your relationship. This is this is showing you, not that it is not to say that this is your fault, but this is showing you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Maybe some of say that this is your fault, but this is showing you maybe some of the beliefs that you hold about yourself that may be attracting unhealthy relationships into your experience, and the beliefs that are being triggered are the very beliefs that you need to look at, that are doing the attracting for you on your behalf. Because the first thought that we have here's how I always like to interpret it the woman who's self-assured and knows her worth and knows her value, can look at the situation and be like, yeah, nope, I'm out of here. The woman who struggles to see her worth, struggles to see her value, always struggles to feel like she's enough, will always say what the fuck did I do wrong? How did I? How was I not enough for this person? What didn't they like about me? Why didn't I? Why couldn't I please them? Why could, why couldn't I be the kind of woman that they would desire to be with? And that is your first clue as to where your work is to do. And I mean, I know it's not easy work, but let me just tell you you will thank yourself for doing the work one day, I promise you, because this is not how love was meant to be experienced. These are the things that help us evolve, certainly, but this isn't the carrot at the end. It's so, not the carrot at the end. So I'm going to leave you with that today.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So where are you hiding the mess?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Where are you not being honest with yourself or the people around you about owning your own betrayal, your own heartbreak, your own experience with infidelity? And why, and that's the more important question why are you not being honest? What is the truth or the belief that you're avoiding by hiding all of this messiness that keeps you going and oscillating between, oh my God, I'm going to leave him. No, I'm going to stay. I'm going to leave him. I'm going to say no, I'm going to pretend it never happened. No, we're fine. Look see, we're happy, because this was my reality for seven years. So if you are caught in that same reality, what are you not owning and being honest about, and why? What is the feeling or the belief that you're avoiding in that process? Let me know, mariaatthefemcoachcom, or you can DM me at the Femcast and let me know there. Dm me at the femcast and let me know there. If you love this episode, please leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this. Until next time, you guys, massive love.
