The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
How I’m Always Challenging The Story That I’m Not Enough To Be Loved Fully
Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough to be fully loved? Like no matter what you did, you always found yourself settling for less than you truly deserve—just to feel wanted? In this deeply personal episode of The Femme Cast, I open up about my own struggle with self-worth and the old story that kept me trapped in patterns of rushing into relationships, tolerating less than I deserved, and questioning if I was truly lovable.
Through my own journey, I’ll take you inside the moment I finally challenged that narrative—the moment I stopped settling, raised my standards, and started choosing myself first. I’ll share how this old story resurfaced after a recent breakup, how I’m rewriting it now, and what it really takes to step into the kind of love you desire—without fear, self-doubt, or compromise.
If you’ve ever struggled with feeling worthy of deep, lasting love… this episode is for you. Because the truth is, you are enough. You always have been. It’s time to start believing it.
Let's do this.
Ready to rewrite your love story and attract the relationship you deserve? Click the link below for free resources, transformative sessions, and more.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/links
Hey guys, what is up? And welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. Welcome if you're new.
Speaker 1:Today we're talking about how I'm always challenging the story that I am not enough to be fully loved, and this is something that has been a real theme for me in my life. You guys Listen, I don't do what I do because self-love came easy for me. I do what I do because self-love came easy for me. I do what I do because self-love for me and believing that I was enough, that I was good enough and that I was a woman of value and worth and, you know, brought a lot to a relationship that, for me, took a ton of fucking work. Okay, so for me, you know, the story of I am not enough it comes up again and again from time to time and it comes up in many situations like my personal relationships, my friendships, my partnerships, my family relationships, my work relationships. It constantly comes up again and again and again, and it's something that I have to consciously choose to evolve through, and that is really why I do the work that I do. Right, I'm here to evolve through it so that I can support other people who are going through and struggling with the same thing. So today we're talking about how I challenge that story on a regular basis. So this is for you. If you struggle to believe that you're enough to be fully loved, to be fully seen for who you are, if you're in a pattern of constantly settling for less in your relationship, for fear that you can't do any better or you won't find anyone else, or if you're always wanting to rush in and cement your relationships before you've even given a thought as to whether or not you even want to be in a relationship with this person. Right? These are all signs that you know there's probably a deficit in the enoughness meter that you're dealing with. So, and that's okay, that is literally what we're here for.
Speaker 1:So, having said that, my question for you today is how does the story of not being enough show up for you in your relationships, or how do you think it shows up for you in your relationships, or how do you think it shows up for you in your relationships? So hit me up at the Femcast on Instagram and send me a DM and let me know, or you can email me at maria at the femcoachcom. I do try and get back to everybody, but I will always acknowledge your message and I do read every single message that I get. So please know that it is heard and it is acknowledged, and I do try and reply wherever possible. So, going back to what we were talking about last time on the show, I do want to start holding or having an intention at the beginning of each episode the intention of healing, the intention of creating space, the intention that you create, that you experience some sort of a shift, or here's something that you're supposed to hear. So, if you can close your eyes, if you can't, don't worry. Just take a deep breath and drop into the moment and just be really present. And may this episode meet you exactly where you are today. May it lead you exactly where you need to be led. May you hear exactly what it is that you need to hear. May it stir something deep within you to create a shift, a truth, an awakening, an unlocking of self, igniting a power that you've always had inside of you. May you feel fully seen, fully safe and fully supported as you break cycles, rise higher and step fully into the love and life that you deserve. You are worthy, you are powerful, you are enough. Amen, let's dive in.
Speaker 1:So, like I said, this is something that I've struggled with my entire life and it is why I do that I do. This belief of not being enough is what has kept me settling so I was gonna say terribly so much in so many of my past relationships low standards for the quality, like the kind of people that I was attracting in and how, and, and high tolerance for poor treatment. Um, and almost feeling like when they treated me badly and this is so I, I, you know. If you're in this situation, my heart goes out to you because I know how painful it is. But there was this element of you know, when they treated me badly, that I had done something wrong for them to treat me that way, that I was obviously not enough, I wasn't good enough, I had done something for them. And then, if I did try to take a stand for myself and set a boundary or ask for more or ask to be treated better or demand that I get treated better, what ended up happening more often than not was I would get like backlash, like it's almost how dare you call out like this is them, not me. It was almost this energy of how dare you call out my bad behavior and not just feel good about the way that I'm treating you. How dare you Like you know what I mean Like there was this real.
Speaker 1:There was this real moment in my life and I can still remember why I, you know, there was somebody in particular who was quite toxic in my life and I can remember trying to set a boundary with him and saying, listen, like the buck stops here. Like you've been, you've been doing this, that and the other and I just I don't deserve to be treated this way, you know, and it's it's not okay for me anymore to be in this situation. And he ripped into me like as if I had done, as if I had done wrong to him, where, up until this point, all I had done was tolerated all his bad behavior, made excuses for it. Let's see, I tolerated it, I made excuses for it, I tried. You know the whole positive thought, gratitude thing, like just think positively, you know, just just focus on the things he does well, hoping that it'll make things better, or be grateful when he does. You know when, when he does, you know for further things in your life and when he does, show up the way you want him to and you'll attract more of that.
Speaker 1:Betty was toxic as fuck and I was like trying to like, twist everything in my head and in my energy to make it work and my favor, like the way in my mind, my ego told me that it was supposed to work and it wasn't. And so this is where I say, you know, every spiritual tool and practice with a grain of salt. Yes, gratitude makes relationships better. I'm not going to say it doesn't. Yes, you know, unconditionally loving your partner makes relationships better. I'm not going to say it doesn't. Yes, unconditionally loving your partner makes relationships better. Of course, being able to see the good and the positive right, but you also have to be real.
Speaker 1:We can't just disregard bad behavior and we can't tolerate it, and we certainly can't make excuses for it, blame ourselves or, worse, try and positive thought our way out of it. Like bad behavior is bad behavior, period, full stop, you know, especially if somebody is treating you disrespectfully, which this guy clearly was. And so I can remember being in a situation where I called him out on it and he gave me shit for calling him out and made me feel like I was the bad person, like there was something wrong with me for calling him out and not tolerating his bad behavior. This is this, this, this.
Speaker 1:This particular incident took me so long to get over, even though I knew right away it was fucked. Like I walked away from that thinking that is fucked, I don't want any part of that, like I am done. And so I walked away from that. And but there was still this residual how do I put it? It was like this underlying, like a quiet undertone of but what if it was your fault? What if you? What if you did do? Like you know, and it plays in your mind and I think that's where I started to realize and I really started to see. I think that was the first moment I actually really started to see. Like you know maybe I'm not playing with a full self-worth deck here, you know because I was like how, how is it possible? This is where I woke up. So I kind of have to thank him because he was a big turning point for me.
Speaker 1:This was where, I think, you know, months after the incident and it was still it sat raw in me for a very long time, you guys, very long, like years. It took me to process this because it just cut so like his words just cut so deep in the way he treated me, just cut so deep. So I did have a lot of love and affection for this person and I did put a lot of work into this relationship and a lot of patience and I put up with a lot. There was a lot of resentment there, sure, because I put up with so much, but you know, it took me a long time to get over it and there was a period, probably about I don't know how long into it, but it was quite some time after that incident had happened, where I said to myself hold on a second, started to see things clearly. He did X, y and Z to you. Why do you feel that like somehow this was your fault and even though I was acknowledging it, I still felt it Like so deeply, I felt it so deeply.
Speaker 1:This guy lied to me, this guy ghosted me more than once. This guy cheated on me. This guy basically just strung me along and used me to fill a void whenever he was bored, whenever he wanted to see me. That's when we would see each other and you know so. You know we would see each other, we would hang out, we would have a great time, we would totally connect, and then I wouldn't hear from him for, like, I would hear from him often but I may not see him for weeks, sometimes even months, because we weren't even. It wasn't even a situationship, it was an occasional hey, what are you doing? You know it was such a messed up situation and I knew he was seeing other people, I knew he was.
Speaker 1:You know he had a pattern of ghosting me and I knew that when he got triggered or when he started to feel feel insecure or when I started to feel like I somehow I was starting to feel empowered or kind of pull away from him, he would lash out at me and lash out hardcore and say the meanest, most like hardcore things and hurtful things. And I kept taking this guy I won't say something else. I kept taking this guy back again and again and I'm like, why do you feel bad? And like the last, like the last time we were together, like totally disrespected, was totally seeing somebody else, like, and was completely disrespecting me and not to mention talking shit about me behind my back. So I'm like why, why are you? Why are you even here, let alone like feeling like you've done something wrong All this person has done has hurt you and manipulate you and belittle you and disrespect you again and again and again and again. And you're going to feel bad for setting a boundary.
Speaker 1:And I think you know, when we do have this self-worth deficit, when we have this you know story that's constantly playing behind the scenes, that we are not enough. Things like speaking our truth is hard. Things like setting a boundary is hard. Things like, you know, asking for what we want or raising our standards is hard, because at the root of all of it, is this, not enoughness to think are we actually going to get it? Is it my place to even ask for this? Right, and so we do second guess ourselves, right? And so here's what I'm going to say to you If you're in that situation, right, and you find yourself in that boat where you feel like you're constantly, you know, questioning whether or not you're, you know you're good enough and you're constantly insecure, you're constantly afraid they're going to abandon, reject you or cheat on you or whatever, and you're uncomfortable speaking your truth, uncomfortable having those hard conversations setting boundaries, you know, really taking a stand for yourself and your worth, I want to tell you that it's going to be uncomfortable and I want you to allow that discomfort. I want you to let it be uncomfortable and I want you to not see that as a bad thing. I want you to start to okay, this is uncomfortable. That means I must be healing. You know, I want you to to not see that as a bad thing. I want you to start to okay, this is uncomfortable. That means I must be healing. You know, I want you to shift your perspective around discomfort, because it is going to feel uncomfortable at first. You know, and I really want you to.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm a I'm a very emotional person. Um, I do things very intuitively. I'm not the most logical person in the world. No, that's not true. I am very logical. But there's always this tug of war between my intuitive side and my logical side. You know, no matter how you find and if you're a very sensitive, loving, empathic person which, if you're listening to this podcast, you probably are I want you to take emotion out of the equation. I want you to take emotion completely out of the equation and I want you to look at the hard facts. How do they treat you? Would you let your friend be treated that way? Or your mother? Would you let your friend be treated that way? Or your mother or your daughter or somebody Like?
Speaker 1:We need to start looking at situations not from what we think we deserve, but what's right or wrong. You know, this is how we end up in abusive situations, and people always say oh, you know, I don't know how women end up in these situations. You know what I used to say that and you know what Emotional abuse it creeps in on you without even realizing that it's happening. And physical abuse too. I think it happens so slowly and usually it's because there is something other underlying things going on, you know.
Speaker 1:So, walking away from those relationships, from setting boundaries, from asking for what you want, from raising your standards, from showing up as a version of you who deserves better, who is worth more than you've ever believed yourself to be. Yes, it is uncomfortable as fuck, but that gets to be okay and that gets to actually be amazing. I want you to tell yourself every time you get uncomfortable oh, this is good, this means I actually be amazing. I want you to tell yourself every time you get uncomfortable oh, this is good, this means I'm elevating. I'm elevating my standards. I'm elevating how I feel about myself. I'm elevating who it is, that you know I, what it is I invite or tolerate in my life. I want you to think of it in all the good ways you possibly can, and that's one of the ways that I kind of overcome this story.
Speaker 1:You know the story or this narrative that I'm not enough, you know, and the discomfort comes in. I am enough. That's why I'm feeling a discomfort right now, because I'm really challenging the story. I'm challenging what I believed my entire life and I'm just going to let the discomfort be there and I'm going to move through it and I'm not going to do what the discomfort is asking me to do, which is usually rush into another relationship, make amends with the one that you just broke up with, which you know I had to move through a couple of times since my breakup, not that he was a bad person, but because I know it's not what I want.
Speaker 1:You know, and that has really, I think, triggered a lot of this for me, is that you know, this person loved me so much and was so loving and so kind and so romantic. There's this fear in the back of my mind. Well, what if I never find that again Right which I know is BS, because I know I deserve love, I know I am good enough to be loved, I know I'm a high value woman and you know this is just an old story that's kind of come back to the surface, so I'm letting it be uncomfortable. I'm letting it be uncomfortable, I'm acknowledging the discomfort and I'm continuing to choose the desire or the higher standard than I had before, and I'm going for gold this time. You know like I'm really mindful about this next relationship that I'm calling in. You know, all the relationships that I've been in have been, you know, well, I mean even the ones that were painful. Every relationship teaches you something about what you want and what you don't. Right, all my relationships have taught me so much, even the ones recently that were like just the most loving and romantic experiences and the most amazing, most epic love stories. They taught me so much about what I want, and I know what I want this next time around, you know. And so I'm doing it and I'm allowing it to be uncomfortable, and it is uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:There's so many times that I doubt myself. There's so many times that I feel like almost like this little niggle of discomfort, like can I actually ask for this. Is this actually real? Can this actually happen? Am I being a stack up? Am I being superficial, like all these things, all these stories that we play in the back of our mind when we think about? You know the kind of partner we want in our life. I don't know when or how or why, but you know, we've kind of romanticized all these difficult love stories and they don't need to be. You know, um, we can be in relationship with somebody who you know, who meets us where we, where we're at, who can't. You know they don't have to deliver the star and the moons, but you know, there's this thing about feeling bad for wanting more that I think we need to get past, you know, and that's when the discomfort comes up for me, and that's why this whole story of you know not enoughness, that comes up for me, and this is how I challenge it.
Speaker 1:I continue to choose again. I continue to choose. Even though I feel the discomfort, I acknowledge it and I move through it. I'm like, okay, I get it. You're here, I feel you, I see you, I recognize you, I know exactly where you're coming from, but I'm still going to choose what this is that I want and I'm still going to set my intentions there, I'm going to set my standards there and start with that, and then looking at treating myself like the woman who believes that she deserves that. Not how do I put this? I'm not. I'm not saying I'm going to treat myself like the woman who deserves it, because that implies that I don't deserve it, but I'm going to treat myself like the woman who believes she deserves it, because we both deserve it. Just one believes it and one doesn't. Essentially is what it is.
Speaker 1:So what is the woman who believes that she's worthy of that next little relationship? How does she treat herself? How does she show up in the world? How does she take care of herself, her body, her mind, her emotions, her home, her finances, like her life? How does she self-care and treat herself beyond maybe what I might be doing for myself? You know, looking at things like that is a really important question to ask yourself, because a woman who believes that she's enough, you know, treats herself. If you were just gonna look at, you know, all else being equal, a woman who believes that she's enough, next to a woman who has, you know, struggles with that belief and who has a real deficit in her enoughness treat themselves very differently, because the one who believes that she's enough will never self abandon or sacrifice her integrity, her beliefs, her desires, her goals to appease anybody else, whereas the one who doesn't believe that she's enough will always do that because there is a fear of one of being abandoned and rejected that comes with that, not enoughness. So how does the woman who believes that she's enough show up? And how can you show up more like that? That? That's something that I, that I look at every single day. I don't always get it right. I fuck it up a lot of the times, um, but that is a conscious choice I make again and again and again again.
Speaker 1:Choosing yourself again and again right. Making, making a choice to go in the direction of I am enough, I am worthy and I am going to show up for myself as though I believe that. And then, when in doubt, just tapping into the love within. If you had a little child in front of you right now, I came crying to you and that didn't feel good enough. I don't feel good enough. I feel like everybody's making fun of me. I feel like everybody's laughing at me. I feel like I'm ugly. I feel like nobody loves me. I feel like everybody's talking behind my back. I just I feel all these things. I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel I feel. What would you say to that child? You know you would probably hold that child and remind them just how loved they actually are. So do that for yourself, you know. Hold yourself like you would a child, hold yourself in that love and feel that love within yourself and just see yourself as just a little, a lost, scared little girl who doesn't feel like she's enough. And I want you to see her in front of you and literally give her all the love in your heart. I'm moved. I'm being moved to tears right now because I'm actually seeing myself.
Speaker 1:When I was two years old I was baptized very late for my culture, by the way. I think it was about two years old when they baptized me and I'm like in this pretty little dress and I'm feeling like just this, like little princess. And the whole baptismal scene for me was so tragic because I was so much older than babies normally are when they're baptized. And the way we do baptism because I'm Orthodox like we literally like dunk people into like this, like basin of water I thought the priest was trying to drown me and I thought my family you know, my family is like what you know, standing around this like basin, like watching me get baptized, and instead of like somebody rushing in to save me from this crazy man who's trying to drown me in a black cloak, they're all standing around smiling. It was like a, it was like watching a horror movie and I think in that moment I felt like I I felt like nobody was saving me, like I didn't feel like I was good enough to be saved.
Speaker 1:And so, you know, I'm seeing her right now in my mind. I'm seeing that little girl in that beautiful little pink dress. She felt so pretty and I can see her face when she looked down at the water and is like what the fuck? Nobody's putting me in that? And I'm just holding her and I'm letting her know just how love she is and I'm letting her cry it out and I'm letting her have all the feels and I'm letting her let all that stuff that she's been holding in, all that, all those self worth issues, all that self doubt, all that insecurity, all those doubts about herself. I'm just letting her cry it all out until she's done and then I'm just holding her with so much love and I'm literally feeling the love in my heart.
Speaker 1:So I want you to practice that when you have these stories of not enoughness coming up, because they do come up again and again and sometimes they do take a very long time to move through, and that's okay because we kind of move through them in layers. Like I said, I continue to do this work Like I am. You know I'm not done, like, yes, I'm a far cry from where I was when I first started, but I am not done. You guys, this stuff comes up again and again. There's always new lessons, new wisdoms, new truth that come to light, new shifts that need to happen and transformations that take place.
Speaker 1:So just be really present with it, allow it, allow it to evolve on its own, and obviously you know if you need help. This is obviously my jam, so make sure you hit me up at the Femcast on Instagram or you can email me at maria at thefemcoachcom. That is all for now. You guys, if you love this episode, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this. Make sure to share it with a friend who needs this and until next time, massive love you guys.