The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
How I Learned to Attract a Better Partner (The Next Time & Every Time)
Ever found yourself swearing that next time will be different, only to attract the same emotionally unavailable partner—or worse? If you’ve just broken up, are already looking for the next one, or find yourself deep in yet another hot mess, this episode is for you.
On this episode of The Femme Cast I’m pulling back the curtain on my own patterns—why I kept attracting the wrong men, how I unknowingly sabotaged my own love life, and the radical shifts that actually changed everything. We’re talking about:
The energy I was in before my ‘douchebags’—bleeding from the last heartbreak and desperately searching for the next fix.
The energy I was in before my love stories—when I finally chose me, prioritized self-love, and became magnetic to better, healthier relationships.
The truth about attraction: Why who you’re being is more important than who you’re with—and how to break the cycle for good.
If you’re tired of repeating the same painful love story and are ready to attract something better, this conversation will be a game changer.
Take a deep breath. This episode is here to meet you exactly where you are—and lead you to exactly where you’re meant to be.
Let's do this.
Ready to rewrite your love story and attract the relationship you deserve? Click the link below for free resources, transformative sessions, and more.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/links
Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. Welcome if you're new. We're gonna try and get through this.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I've tried to record this three times now and every time I have to stop and start again because there's all kinds of train and engines and things going on behind me. I have no idea what's going on today, but it's like the freaking Easter parade over here. But anyway, I digress. So today I wanted to talk about how I learned to attract a better partner next time and every time and you know, like hands up, if you've been here because I know I've been here a gazillion times where you know you go through your hot mess, douchebag du jour, right, you're kind of left on the. You know you're left on the flip side, broken, crying. You know, maybe you broke up with him, maybe he broke up with you, maybe he cheated, or maybe he ghosted, or maybe it was a combination of all of the above, I don't know, but either way, you're like just a mess. You're like a hot mess on the other end and you're swearing to your best friend. I am never going to do this again. No, the next one is going to be kind to me, he's going to treat me with respect, he's going to open doors. He's not going to lie, he's not going to cheat. He's, you know, he's going to show up for me. Like you, really really like, you start to set these really high standards for who you want and not to say that they're bad to set high standards, not what we're talking about but you start to set these high standards for who you want. The next time around you, you go out and try and find him and you think you find him most often, and then only to end up with the same, if not worse than the last guy.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I was in this pattern for what felt like a fucking lifetime, you guys. And so I was thinking about that, and I was talking about that with a friend of mine the other day, and you know the kind of people we used to attract back in the day, and you know, I started reflecting on some of the people that I'd been attracting into my life recently, in the last couple of years, and I'm like, wow, what was the big difference? Because the last few people that I've manifested were really like. I mean, they weren't the one, but they were just these amazing love stories, and I wanted that. I wanted when I left my loveless relationship where I felt like I was getting no love whatsoever and I felt completely neglected and cast aside and completely unseen the only thing in the world that I wanted. I want the passion back in my life, I want romance, I want these amazing, magical relationships that I can, like you, know, savor and remember for the rest of my life. And that's exactly what I ended up manifesting. And some of these relationships were phenomenal, Like I feel like I could write a book just on. Like some of these relationships, they didn't stand the test of time, but they were amazing, amazing, amazing experiences, and so I was kind of reflecting you know, what was the difference, right? I mean, obviously I've done a lot of healing work. Obviously I've done a lot of healing work, I've done a lot of energy work on myself, but there were certain patterns and certain behaviors that when they changed, it was like a night and day, from where I was before to where I was after. So we're going to talk about some of those behaviors today and I'm going to be sharing them with you. So take what you take what resonates, leave the rest.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:This is for you if you keep, you know leaving behind relationships, swearing that the next one is going to be better, only to attract the same or worse, which was my pattern. Maybe you've just broken up with the last douchebag du jour and now you want to do better next time, but and you're maybe you're already even looking for him, but you just want to make sure that you know you're, you're, you're going about it the right way so you can attract what it is that you really want. Or maybe you're already in the next hot mess of a relationship and you're wondering how the fuck you got into this mess again, even though you swore up and down you weren't going to do this. Let's have a chat, okay. So if this is you, if you keep leaving behind relationships, swearing the next one is going to be better, only to attract the same or worse, I want to hear from you, okay, whether it's happening now, whether it's happened in the past, whether it's a pattern that you just can't break. Dm me at TheFemCast, on Instagram, or you can email me at mariaatthefemcoachcom.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I want to hear what your take on this is what's happening. Why do you think it's happening? What have you tried to change it? Let me know I'm going to try and answer as many questions as I can in my DMs. Um, I'm going to try and answer as many questions as I can as my in my DM. So I do try and get back to everyone, but I do acknowledge every message that I get. So please don't ever feel like you're not being heard. Um, and I'll. I'll, usually, you'll. You'll know whenever I do kind of I'll heart your comment and I'll I do try and get back to everybody that messages me. So, just so you know, now we're going to be trying a few things new this week. What are the things that I want to try doing? Number one is I want to start setting an intention before every podcast. And number two, I've actually started pulling Oracle cards on my Instagram every Sunday in my story, so you'll need to be following me to actually be able to see those. And the reason is I just want to start bringing the magic back.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I'm a very intuitive person. How I got into this work is as an energy healer. I'm a very intuitive person. My, you know how I got into this work is as an energy healer. I'm a master energy healer and people oftentimes when they when they work with me. They don't realize just how intuitive and energetic my work really is. And I think part of me, this is part of me, this is part of my healing, you guys, because I think part of me rejected all putting all that energetic and that intuitive and that woo-woo stuff out there, because I was always afraid of what people would think of me. I always did it only in my private Facebook group. I never really did it out in public. Well, to fuck with that. We're putting it out into the world so, and it seems to be going really well and it's nice to actually be able to channel again. So I hope you'll join me on Instagram for that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The card polls are every Sunday on my stories. I may start doing a poll on Friday for the weekend too, but we'll see. But anyway, I just want to start setting an intention for every podcast. Okay, so if you can just take a deep breath right now, focus in, do not close your eyes if you're driving, but if you're not driving or operating, having machinery or whatever, you can just, you know, close your eyes, take a deep breath, get centered. And I set the intention for and I'm putting my hand on my heart May this episode meet you exactly where you are.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:May it lead you exactly where you need to be, where you need to be led. May you hear what you need to be, where you need to be led. May you hear what you need to hear. May it stir something deep within you. May it shift a pattern, break a cycle and bring you to a higher perspective on the love and the life that you deserve. You are worthy, you are powerful, you are enough. Please hold that in your energy. Let's dive in you guys. Okay. Hold that in your energy. Let's dive in you guys. Okay. So that felt good. Actually, I kind of like that. Let's see how that goes. I started to reflect on my pattern. Okay, so what would the energy was?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I started to reflect on the douchebags. You guys, if you've been following me for a while, you've listened to the douchebag era series. If you haven't, go ahead and listen to that, you'll understand what I'm talking about. So when I was knee deep in my Douchebag Era, I reflected back. I'm like, okay, what was I doing at the time that literally kept attracting douchebag after douchebag after douchebag? I'm like there's got to be something that I was doing and I'm kind of remembering what state I was in before I was calling in these people into my life and so I can. I can guarantee 100% of the time, 100% of the time I was doing all of these three things. Okay, number one I was still bleeding from the last douchebag. Okay, I was out there trying to find the replacement or the substitute for the last douchebag.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That, like broke my heart and you know I was crying, I was heartbroken, I was feeling awful about myself, I was feeling awful about the like where my, my love life, the trajectory of my life, life as a whole, and I was just out there trying to find the next fix. With all this pain, with all this hurt, with all this insecurity, with all this, um, just not feeling good enough. You know it was like it's like all this stuff, um, just not feeling good enough. You know it was like it's like all this stuff was going on on the inside. All this like discomfort, all this, and I can feel it. I can actually feel it coming up in my body right now. Sorry guys, all this pain, all this discomfort and, instead of moving through it right, being a good energetic healer and being a good, you know, healer and emotional energetics, just ignored all the stuff that was going on beneath the surface and just was out there trying to find the next one.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And there was such a desperation in that search Like it was. Like it was like I don't know a bear coming out of hibernation looking for something to eat, like it was. Just it was so desperate because it wasn't coming from a place of feeling whole and feeling ready to allow, in that, you know, compatible other. It was literally looking for the medicine to fix what was going on inside of me, right, so I was still bleeding from the last guy. I was desperately looking for the next one. And when you're desperate like that you're, you know the rose colored glasses become much more opaque. I mean, I think I'm always kind, I think I've always kind of worn rose colored. I'm a Taurus, so I'm always wearing rose colored glasses. You guys and I always. I do genuinely try to see the good in all people. But I think they become very opaque in those moments Because when you're desperately looking for the next person to stop the bleeding, it's like your standards, you know, they get compromised.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You guys like drastically and you maybe think that you're out there like holding these high standards for yourself, but you're not. You're not because all the red flags are there and you're ignoring every fucking one of them because of this one little white flag. Over here, he's got 30 red flags but one little white flag and you're just focusing on that one little. But he's promised, but look, he's got this white flag and this is everything that I've wanted in this. No, no, we have to look at the whole human, okay, and you know what? Yes, unconditional love, and you know whatever, and acceptance for all. But that doesn't mean you got to let the red flags in. You guys, like you, can still set a boundary on red flags. You can still set a standard. No red flags, you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I think that when we're in that moment of desperation, we make really bad decisions, not to mention, we attract really bad energy. Right, because now it's coming from need, it's coming from lack, it's coming from. I need your energy to soothe me emotionally, because I'm not able to process my own. I can't handle myself right now. I can't handle what I'm feeling, so I need you to numb it, I need you to distract me from it. It's basically like looking for another drug. It's a drug in a different name. So that's number two. Number three, because of, you know, this being the situation where I was in, where I was still bleeding from the last guy, I was desperately looking for the guy to replace him. And you know, and that you know, it was just this, this, this, not a good place to be in, I was also feeling horrible about myself.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Right, breakups do two things, like when, when we're not in an empowered state, when we're the one that's kind of being hurt or abandoned or rejected, or if you've been cheated on, lied to, ghosted, whatever you know, whatever the story is, those will do two things. Number one they're going to break your heart and you're going to, you know, miss that the person's not there anymore and you know you have to heal that part of it. But then there's also this other side, where you know if you've been a people pleaser and if you're not really solid in your worth and belief in who you are and your value and what you bring to a relationship, that is going to seriously take a fucking hit. Like I'm talking, this is worse than the heartbreak piece, but this is the piece we often ignore. Is that, when we go through these relationship cycles right, where we're just douchebag after douchebag after douchebag, like it does a number on our self-worth Guys.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:When I left, when I finally like ended that douchebag era and said that's it, I'm not fucking dating anybody until I'm a magnet for healthy, like loving, relationships my self-worth how do I put this? I think in that moment it would probably took a spike up because I think I woke up right. So I think in that moment it was like a wake up call. And when we have those, suddenly we see like a spike or a surge kind of upward. So maybe the moment just before that where I hit my rock bottom when it comes to so I was in the depth, like I'm positive, I was in the deficit, like I could not have been lower in the worth and the value within myself and what I bring to relationships.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so you know, when we go out into the playing field with that type of low self-worth and low value in ourselves, we're bound to attract people who aren't good for us Because we're not looking first of all, we see everybody as superior to us. So it's always going to have a toxic imbalance because we've already put them on a pedestal before we've even met them and sometimes we put like these really gross characters on a pedestal. Sorry, no offense, but you know what I mean. Like sometimes we find these guys where it's like our friends are looking at us, like what the fuck do you see in this guy Right? And meanwhile we've got him on this pedestal right, and it's because we feel so low about ourselves and now so again making bad choices from this place, but also just ready to self-abandon ourselves again and again in order to keep these relationships, whether or not we've even attempted to consider if they're the right partner for us, which nine times out of 10, when we're in this position, we don't. We just need a partner. You know, when we're in this position, we just need the person and our real, only criteria is to.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Probably I would guess if I had any criteria, it would have been to be attracted to him. There, there we go. You're cute, I'm cute, I'm attracted to you. Let's get married and have children. Like it's that simple. You know there was no looking at the whole person and who he was and how he showed up and how he treated me and how he moved through life, and you know how emotionally mature he was. Like all these were not even part of the fucking conversation, like they didn't even make it to the table, you know, let alone be part of the conversation. So you know, those were the three patterns Still bleeding from the last guy, desperately looking for the one, the next one to stop the bleeding, and needing him to stop the bleeding. And also needing him to distract me from my own, not distract me to make me feel loved and worthy, because I could not feel that for myself. Okay, that is what kept me on that douchebag merry-go-round that I was on for so long.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now, fast forward, right after my whole relationship hiatus and even actually the last couple before I went on the hiatus, because I feel like that's where I started to really work on myself and work on my self-worth and really start to pay attention to who I am and what I bring to the relationship. And so I actually started to see things shift before my hiatus. And then I went on my hiatus because I felt like I wanted to go deeper. And then, on the other side of the hiatus, you know, just amazing, incredible things. But when I look at my relationships after I changed my energy and how I show up for these relationships and how I invite them into my space, it has been a night and day difference, no-transcript. You know, always thinking that it was going to amount to something and that eventually he would see how much he loves me. He's just afraid. He's afraid to let. That was my favorite excuse. My favorite excuse was he's just afraid of how much he loves me and his feelings for me because he's not used to being vulnerable. That was my favorite one.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you've ever said this to yourself, please run from whatever relationship you're talking about, because it's not true. There's no such thing. I've actually learned that men actually do love to be in relationship and love to be vulnerable and love to be affectionate and love to just like shower you with affection and attention when they're ready, right. These are just all lies that we tell ourselves to keep. Maybe one out of 10, maybe has a really hard time. But you know, like I always say this you know, are you going to wait? If he, if he, if he's, if he has a problem with being vulnerable and being in relationship, then he's emotionally unavailable. Like, do you get that, even if he does love you, he can love you?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I've been in relationship with men who totally loved me but they were emotionally unavailable because they could not be vulnerable. They had too much stuff going on and being in relationship with them was the most isolating feeling I've ever experienced, not to mention it took them forever to come around. So if you want to like I mean, it's up to you, it's totally up to you I would invite you to you know, seek out the people who are ready and not just ready. Ready and not just ready excited to shower you with affection and attention and you know all the things that you've been longing for and trying to squeeze out of a stone when it's actually readily available Love notes in your DMs.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I've met people in the most magical places, like randomly on beaches. One guy practically tripped over me was I was like sunbathing on the beach in Bali and well, I mean, he says he tripped over. I don't know if he tripped over, I think it was probably just to you know, pick up, but whatever. But honestly, like beautiful, amazing, attentive men who talked to me, who looked deeply into my eyes when I was answering, who listened to what I was saying, who were vulnerable and affectionate and passionate, and all the things that I'd been missing for so long, and they are out there and they exist, and I'm here to give you hope and know you don't have to. You know I don't believe that you have to be online in order to find them. Like I said, I found these guys in the most random places. One of them I did actually meet online, and you know, two I had met on the beach. No, sorry, two I met online and two I had met on the beach. So it's a tie.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But all that to say, you know, when I met them, I was in a very different place than when I met the other D bags. Okay, um, and maybe I'll do an episode just on my favorite love stories, cause I think they're pretty fucking epic Um, however, um, the energy that I was in when I met all four was in stark contrast to where I was when I met the D-backs. So, number one, you know I took a time out between partners, however long it needed to be, to sort through what was going on with me emotionally, whether I was feeling hurt, whether I was feeling sad. You know whether I was still kind of, you know, longing for them, even though you know, maybe I broke up with them and I knew it was the right decision. Like right now I'm in a position where, you know, I recently broke up with somebody, I knew it was the right decision and I feel good about the decision that I made.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But I still have some lingering, you know, not regret, but I still kind of look back. I still miss him. It still feels like a breaking of a habit. I know it sounds horrible to say, but you know there's still that residual the letting go piece sometimes takes a while, even if it's the right decision for you, you know, especially if there's love there. You know I find oftentimes, you know when we get angry or you know someone lets us down, it's so much easier. But in this situation, you know there's still like just so much love there and there's. You know there's still like just so much love there and there's he. You know there's love from him and I have love for him.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And you know it just makes it harder to break because it would be so easy just to fall back into old patterns and old situations, even though I know they're not meant for me, like they're not the right, they're not what I want. No, they're not meant for me, like they're not the right, they're not what I want in this life. So you know it's constantly again. It's constantly choosing me again and again, and again, and every time I think of wanting to go back and wanting to, you know, maybe second guess if I made the right decision, or yeah, but it would be so easy. He loves me, I love him. Why not? You know it would be so easy. He loves me, I love him. Why not? You know it would be so easy to go back, and yet every time it's like no, but I need to choose me now. You know. Now you know this is the pattern, this is how we break that cycle.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, you know, really taking that time out, however long, you need to be to feel like your energy is clean and unattached to any past story, any past experience, any past hurt or heartache or loss or grief, or longing or missing. You want to always enter these spaces with clear energy, with clear, open energy. And when I say open, you know open means many things. You know. For me, open means you know the willing to be vulnerable. Yes, of course, it's the willing to be vulnerable, but also, you know, having some discernment in terms of who you let in, like being careful, like you always want to be open, but still, you know, be logical about. You know who you're opening yourself up to. You know not everybody deserves your heart. You've got a beautiful heart, my friend, if you're listening to this podcast. So not everyone deserves it, you know. So you need to be a little discerning about who you let in. So boundaries are important, discernment is important, but being open-hearted and open to possibility is also important, and also part of being open-hearted means letting go of whatever heartache or pain or hurt you've experienced in the past. Right, and that's often what blocks our openness without even thinking, because we build all these walls around our heart, making it very hard to let healthy relationships come in.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So I took the time out, I did my healing work, I did my energy work, I did all the things you know to make sure that I was free and clear and ready to be in relationship. And this was not intentional and this is the important thing. This is number two. I wasn't looking at all at getting involved. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was just practicing being present and enjoying the moment fully and being myself and living my best life, and that is what attracted these partners every fucking time.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I'm telling you, I met them in the most random, freaking places. Two of them I met online. One of them. I, you know, practically tripped two of them. I met on the beach. One of them practically pretended to trip over me, which I sold to this day. You know I joke that it was, it was all an act, he was just trying to get my attention.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But anyway, you know which you know, oftentimes we get into this mindset that well, we have to be on, you don't have to be online, you just have to be out living, right? No, you're not going to meet him on your sofa at home, in your pajamas. You know watching, you know Real Housewives, right Rewinds, over and over again, or, um, what's it called? Vanderpump, which I still love to watch you guys? Um, I'm so upset over the reboot. Oh my God, I could not be more upset about that. But anyway, all that to say, you know you're not going to meet him on your sofa. Well, actually my friend did, actually her, her, her partner. I shared her story on the podcast. She was on here, I think last year. I shared her story how literally her now husband actually knocked on her front door because he was looking to rent a room they had for friends. So, okay, so it actually can happen, but it's very unlikely.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So here's what I'm going to encourage you to do, and here's what I was doing. I was literally just going out and living my best life. I was doing the things that I wanted to do for me, that were important to me, that were that I had desired, that I had put on my, on my vision board for a very long time. You know, whether it was traveling through Asia, whether it was, you know. You know getting my place downtown, whether it was, you know, starting my business, whether it was. You know, doing the things that I love doing, like getting out and hiking and meeting people. You know, hanging out at the beach. You know all the things that I love to do and that make me me. Those are the things that I was getting out and making sure that I was doing, and every time, that's how I attracted these people into my life.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, rather than looking, if you're looking here's my theory you can be open to the possibility of meeting someone, but without looking right, you're open to the possibility of meeting someone you're opening up the channels, right. So maybe that channel for you is online dating. Maybe that channel for you is, you know, going out and doing the things that you enjoy doing or joining a club or whatever. So you open the channels but then you leave it at that. Right, when you show up to these events, you know whether it's a mixer or whether it's. You know you're going to the beach with your friends or you're going on a hike and you're looking around to see who's there and who like, okay, I'm here, I'm doing me, I'm doing my things.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Where is he? No, you got to just actually just really enjoy the moment, really be present, really just be out there living your best life and trust that he'll come around when the time is right and you just kind of let that. You have to let that go and just live your best life and enjoy each and every moment as best you can. And that's, I think, was the key for me, you know. And then the third thing that every time was the case is I met them at a time when I was taking excellent care of myself, choosing myself, prioritizing my needs, just like rocking the self-care and the self-love vibes, you know. And this is not about being perfect. This is not about losing whatever amount of weight you have to lose, or you know how much you make or what you look like, or what your hair like. Yes, all these things you know we take.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It's nice to take care in our appearance. I think it always, you know, I don't, I don't care if you're a man or a woman I think when we take care and take pride in our appearance, it elevates how we show up. And so for me, like, if you know me, like you'll know, like when I get up in the morning, I get dressed as if I'm going out. I'll put on a little bit of makeup, I'll get dressed. I mean, I'll wear comfy clothes, but they're nice, comfy. And people are like, why do you get dressed up in the house? And it's like, because I don't dress for other people, I dress for me. Like I dress because I love to feel good. I love to feel good in what I'm wearing. You know, I don't like to feel like I'm in my pajamas all day. It's not a good feeling for me. Um, so I and I honor that, you know, um, and so you know, taking excellent care of yourself.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:What are those things that you know have been gnawing at you, that you've been, you know, kind of picking at your brain, saying, hey, you got to do this, hey, you got to do that. Hey, come on now. You know you need to do this. You're like, okay, okay, yeah, I'll get to that, I'll get to that. And you keep putting it off and you keep putting all your focus on this relationship, or attracting a relationship, or finding a relationship, whatever.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Meanwhile, all these other things, these priorities, these things that are important to you, that are important to how you feel about yourself as a person and how you show up in the world, you're abandoning every single time because you're too busy waiting for wondering if, blah, blah, blah, this guy's going to be the one, where you're going to find the one. Where's the next guy going to come from? You know you have to start putting you first, taking care of you. What do you need? What promises have you been making to yourself that you've not been keeping? Where have you been?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, feeling the pull to start to take better care of yourself that you haven't been. You know, really, look at these things because I'm telling you, every time I met these guys, I was in a period of just like, just pouring all the love onto myself. You know, just making myself the center of my universe. And oftentimes I will say this when the energy in these relationships started to shift, it was because I started to self-abandon and I started to make them the focus and I quickly and this is listen, this is not a game, this is not about playing mind games with people. That's different. We're talking energy. Whenever you give more energy to someone else than you give to yourself, when there's an imbalance in energetic, whenever you start to make how do I put this? Whenever you start to put your focus and your intention more so on somebody else other than yourself, you create an energetic imbalance and that energetic imbalance will translate into the relationship.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So what's important for you is to yes, we love to give in our relationships. We love to give, we love to nurture, we love to take care of our people Great, what are you also going to do for yourself? Because you have to do both. You can't always be giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, because then you'll never be able to receive, and that often creates the biggest blocks in our relationship.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So when I met these amazing people, I took the time out, I healed, I cleared up my side of the fence and made sure it was nice and clean, not to be confused with keeping the garden clean, although that's really good to do too, leaves you feeling nice and good. But no, I, you know I, took the time out. I did my healing work, made sure my energy was clear and open and ready. I, you know, wasn took the time out, I did my healing work, made sure my energy was clear and open and ready. I, you know, wasn't looking for any relationship. I had set the intention that I was, you know, available for a relationship. But, you know, in the process, I was out there just living my best life and doing my own thing and I was prioritizing me, I was prioritizing my self-care, and those three things made all the difference in the quality of people that I was attracting.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so, for me, this time around, now that I've actually articulated this and I can see it clearly, I can see the pattern so clearly, now I'm being really mindful about it. I am taking my time and I feel like, you know, I've kind of set the intention. Okay, you know what? Yeah, I am out there and I'm, I'm, I'm open, I'm energetically opening myself up to the next partner. I've already started, you know, kind of writing a new story, what I would want it to look like, and I'm going to invite you guys on that journey. But there's a um. There's a pinned post on my Instagram on how to use um ChatGP Teacher right out and new love story. It's so magical, you guys, you have to try it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Um, so I've been doing that practice and it feels amazing and absolutely I'm calling it a new partner, but also I'm taking the time to heal. I'm not actively out there because I know there's a part of me that's still kind of missing the last guy and I feel like, no, you know what? There's still some detaching that needs to happen there. So I'm going to give it the time that it needs in order to do that and in the meantime, I am trying to live my best life, although right now I'm kind of snowed in because we got pummeled with snow, but yeah, but I actually love the snow, so I'm really happy about that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:One of the things that I did for myself was go out for a walk in the snow yesterday, like it was just so magical, you know, and I'm trying to take better care of myself, because I've not been taking care of myself, you guys, ever since my mom got sick. It has been something that has, you know, really been on the back burner. My health has taken a hit, my fitness has taken a hit. I probably never put on so much weight in my entire life and my body just does not feel good. So that, right now, is my main focus and priority, is trying to get my health back in shape, and this is not about a number on a scale or a size of clothing. It is literally about how I feel, because right now, things just don't feel good, like there's aches and pains and discomforts and things happening that should not be happening, so, um and that, and that is all a by-product of me letting go of my self-care habits. So, and that's what I'm doing and that's how I'm moving through it, and this is how I've. This is, this is the process that I've used again and again and again to shift the quality of partners, that I've been again and again and again, to shift the quality of partners that I've been attracting.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You treat people how to treat you, you guys. So if you keep treating yourself like you need somebody there, you feel desperate or afraid not to have anyone. You need someone to stop the bleed from the last guy, or to make you feel good about yourself, or to make you feel whole again or to make you feel lovable or good enough. You're going to keep attracting people who do the exact opposite. So do yourself a favor stop going out there, stop looking, stop trying and look at yourself and all the things inside of yourself that you've been avoiding.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That is the work that actually brings you closer to the other person. We keep thinking that the work is somewhere outside of us. It's not, it's inside. As with In, so Without. When you come into yourself and you come to fully embrace and accept yourself and come into union with who you are and how you're meant to express yourself in the world, that's when the partner comes in. Ain't no amount of chasing or running around out there trying to find the person to fill that void, you know, going to make that amazing love story that you've been craving your entire life, you know. So that is my thought on that. So again, um, dm me at the femcast on instagram, or you can email me at maria at the femcoachcom. Let me know how this resonates and if you love this episode. It would mean the world to me if you would leave a positive rating and review on apple podcast or spotify or wherever you're seeing this episode. You guys, until next time. Massive love.