The Femme Cast

The 5 Shifts I Made to Attract Healthy Love (After 15 Years of being Lied to Cheated On)

• Maria @TheFemmeCast

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In this episode of ​The Femme Cast,​ I share my deeply personal journey of healing, self-discovery, and transformation after a 15-year toxic relationship where I was repeatedly lied to and cheated on, and then of course...made to believe it was all in my head. If you’ve ever felt exhausted by toxic dynamics or emotionally unavailable partners, this episode is for you.

We’ll explore:

  • The moment I walked into my first healer’s office and realized I was living in a false sense of empowerment.
  • The “buffet analogy” that perfectly captures the emotional burnout from toxic relationships.
  • The five pivotal shifts I made to rebuild my self-worth and attract healthy, loving connections.
  • How emotional energetics became the cornerstone of my healing process.

This episode is all about reclaiming your power, recognizing your worth, and creating space for the love you deserve. 

🎧If you’re ready to break free from harmful patterns and embrace healthy relationships, you don’t want to miss this.

Let's do this. 

Ready to rewrite your love story and attract the relationship you deserve? Click the link below for free resources, transformative sessions, and more.
https://www.thefemmecast.com/links

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back. Happy New Year. Show of hands. Who's already fallen off the wagon with their New Year's resolutions? I don't even make up anymore because I know I'm gonna fall off the wagon. I actually don't believe in them, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions and I just believe it sets us up for failure. I actually shared my New Year's practice last episode or the episode before, so go ahead and check that out. It's not too late. You can totally get on board with that. But yeah, no, I'm.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

I remember doing resolutions my whole life and usually by like this time, like towards like the last week of January, I was already like kicking myself in the butt for, like not having achieved, or not having achieved, like already fallen off the wagon with everything that I promised myself I was going to do this year. You know, like it just doesn't work. It just sets us up for more self-hatred and I think that's why I don't believe in them, because we make these big-ass promises that we can never keep and then we're like hating on ourselves that we didn't achieve them. Anyway, that's not today's conversation. It's just a little tangent. But what I wanted to share today was a bit of a story Once upon a time, back in the day, when I so we're going back quite a few years like this is literally the beginning of my healing journey. Okay, you guys, so back in the day when I left my lying cheating ex person I have 15 years I remember I had gone to my first healer and coach ever. I remember I had gone to my first healer and coach ever. Like I didn't even like, like guys, I didn't even have like a spiritual practice, like my idea of spirituality was going to church once a year with my, with my parents, like that was it. I didn't understand and I think I had seen the secret up until this point. That was my like, that was my knowledge of spirituality, energetics, healing, universe. Yeah, I had gone to therapy before, but that was a very that's a very different lens than the kind of healing and energetics that we typically talk about on this show when it comes to toxic relationships. Right, so we're going to go back, right?

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

So here I am, I'm in this woman's office and she was a great healer. I did so much work with her in the one year that I worked with her, but obviously, like, my work continued. This was probably I'm going to guesstimate around 15 years ago, and then I continued to like work on myself, like constantly, for, like I mean that first five years was pretty rough. That was a lot of healing and a lot of work that I did like with, then with other people, and then I ventured into my own sort of modalities and then I gotured into my own sort of modalities and then I got certified in Reiki Very long story, anyway.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

So what I started initially, I can remember like I'm, I can see it like it was yesterday, you guys, like here I am, I'm walking into her office, okay, I'm waiting for my appointment. I remember she had the cutest secretary, she was just the friendliest like thing and she's all like, you know bubbly, hi, welcome, how are you? You know intake, you know first intake form. I'm trying to act all stiff-lipped. I've just come from work like I'm all like dressed up. You know I think I'm pretty hot. You know the job that I do, the way that I dress, like I'm pretty full of myself at this point in my life, even though, even though I had just been through the ringer, I was feeling pretty empowered and I think I mean I was feeling good about where I was at in my life. You know I had a great place downtown. I had a really great job. You know I was doing really good in my career. Like I said, I looked good, I felt good, but there was this false sense of empowerment, this false sense of confidence, because underneath all of that was a very wounded individual who was portraying themselves as very confident, who was portraying themselves as very empowered and I think, probably because it was the most empowering move I had ever made, you know, to leave that relationship, to get that promotion, to get my ass into a healer's office, to start to do the work you know and to actually like do something that was good for me. So I think the choice in itself made me feel more empowered.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

But there were, you know, there was still a lot of stuff going on beneath the surface after coming out of that relationship. Right, so I walk into her office and she. So finally it's my turn. I walk in, I'm all like you know, strutting my stuff head up high, I sit down hi with all this like attitude and she's like so, you know, just tell me about yourself. So I told her the story, you know.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Oh, you know, I just got out of a 15 year relationship. You know there was cheating and then I dated a few people here and there and it just didn't work out and I'm just exhausted. I said you know what I go, she goes well. What do you want to work on? I said, honestly, I go the. The last thing I want to work on right now with you is my relationships. The only thing that I want to focus on is my career and how I'm going to get ahead in my career and how I'm going to better myself, and that is the only thing I want to talk about with you. Like I was like forget, setting a boundary. It was like I was like building the great wall of China. But anyway, she chuckled and I know she chuckled and I know why she chuckled. She didn't chuckle because she chuckled, because she knew I was like lying to myself more than I was lying to her. Basically, she knew I had a lot of internal work to do, because I told her a little bit about the relationship and what I had been through and you know that experience, what it was like, and she recognized I'm guessing she never, never actually told me, but I'm guessing because now I know better.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

I was afraid, tired, just energetically, physically, emotionally, just tapped out, like I didn't have any energy. I was literally in relationship, toxic relationship, burnout, okay. And it was like, how do I explain this? You know, when you go to like a buffet I know people don't do buffets anymore, but when I was a kid we did buffet, right, like if you got to go out for buffet dinner, it was like score, we're going to the buffet. You know, like it was a treat, right, because you got to eat as much as you wanted. And then, after you were done eating as much as you wanted, then you got to eat all the ice cream that you wanted. You know what I mean. So it's like, it's like, oh, we're going to buffet, aren't you? And then kids would be jealous and anyway, um, so we went to the buffet, right, and you just ate. You ate until like there was no pulse left between your the waistband of your jeans and your stomach because it was too tight. You know, it was like um, and you would literally like, like we would unbutton our pants, like grown-ups, children, adults, everybody unbutton their pants, lean back, oh, like you're full.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

And at that point if somebody comes to you and says, hey, do you want a sandwich? No, motherfucker, I don't want a sandwich. I'm full. I cannot stand the thought of even having another bite of food. The thought of it makes me want to puke.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

That was where I had reached in my relationships. I was at that point Actually, maybe not as intensely as I was. That was like the first what's it called the first time I tried to break up with dating. It didn't last as long and it wasn't as intense. The second time was a few years later, when I went on my relationship hiatus. Then I was done. Then I was stuffed to the gills and I was like I don't want another fucking bite. I don't want to eat or see another piece of pie again, or another bowl of ice cream for like decades, right, and I went on that seven-year relationship, but both times I was so tired, I was over, I was burnt out and I was scared and I had put my walls up and all I wanted to do was focus on myself.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

So you know what? Show of hands, email me, message me. Have you ever been here before where you were just so done from going from one toxic situationship to the next, or one toxic relationship to the next, or dealing with these toxic dynamics that surround you in your day-to-day life and you're just so exhausted that you just wanna crawl under a rock because you just don't have the energy to deal with it anymore. Right, like, hands up? If you've been there and message me, please let me know, maria, at thefemcoachcom, or you can hit me up on the gram at the Femcast. So you know.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

I remember she laughed and he chuckled and I looked at her. I gave her like I gave her like what's it called? Side eye, right. I was like why are you laughing? Who do you think you are? Wait, do you know me better than I know me? I don't think so, but she did. She's like oh, you want love and I'm like the fuck. Does she mean by that? Anyway, she was right, and so I went on a quest to you know, we were working on stuff together and we ended up working on everything but my career.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

We actually worked on a lot of like childhood stuff together and you know, what I didn't realize as I started to move through all this was how much emotion I was actually holding inside of me that I wasn't dealing with on a surface level, and this is where really emotional energetics came in to be. It was literally the practice. After having, you know, gone through my sessions with her and then having gone through all these other healing modalities, you know kind of figure out what works for me and I'm like okay. So like I just need to address the trapped emotion, like how do I do that? Because I knew this was wreaking havoc for me in a lot of my relationships. Right, so that's where emotional energetics came to be. But of my relationships, right, so that's where emotional energetics came to be, but deeper than that, right, like when we're talking about what was going on and why I was showing up in life that way, I learned over the course of, you know, my douchebag era that followed, and then the seven-year relationship hiatus, so like there was a mini break, then there was a douchebag era, then there was the big seven-year break. What I learned over that period about love and about relationships and about attracting healthy, loving relationships was going to shift things for me in the most profound way. And I'm still grateful to that woman because I don't think I would have gone down that path if it wasn't for her. But obviously, you know we had worked together for about a year.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

You know the bulk of the work came after. Actually, the bulk of the work of the realizations happened when I was on my seven year relationship hiatus, right, and to this day, like and I'm looking at my notebook, sorry, I don't mean to like shuffle through my pages, but to this day, like, I still put a lot of these things and principles into practice in my day to day life. And it's not, it's not perfect, it's always a hot mess. You guys, like I'm not perfect at this, like I am still the work is still there. Perfect at this, like I am still the work is still there. You know, the work is still there. It hasn't completely gone away.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

And I have to, completely, like I have to stay on top of myself to make sure that you know I'm paying attention to what's going on inside and where I'm self abandoning and where I'm not. You know, um, celebrating the times that I don't, that I'm self-abandoning and where I'm not, you know, celebrating the times that I don't, that I'm not self-abandoning, giving myself grace for the times that I do, and understanding, okay, well, why did I do that? You know, why did I feel the need to self-abandon in that situation? It is like it's always there. It's better. Don't get me wrong. It's not like it was before and I'm definitely a hell of a lot more aware of it than I was before, but it is something that I consciously choose to embody, or try to embody, each and every day.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Okay, and here's the thing and I have had this conversation a few times in the last few days there is essentially four things that you need to believe in order to attract a healthy, loving relationship, and my work over the last several years has been learning to embody these five beliefs. Okay, number one you need to believe that you are enough. You need to believe that you're enough right now. You can be with the partner of your dreams right now. The way you look right now, the way your hair is right now, at the weight you're at right now, with the clothes that you have right now, with the job that you're doing right now, with the way your life is right now, with the way I don't know, maybe you know, maybe you've put on a little bit of extra weight that you're uncomfortable about, or maybe you've put on a little bit of extra weight that you're uncomfortable about, or maybe you're not. Like you know, you're just stressed and overwhelmed at work and you know you don't have much of a social life. You're not living life the way you want to. You're not.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

You know whatever, whatever's floating around in your mind telling you that you can't have a relationship because this is this, this other area of your life is a hot mess, is a lie. Yes, ultimately, we attract the partner that we want to attract by embodying the version of ourselves that we would be if we were with that partner. This is true, but also loving and accepting who we are right now unconditionally is a very, very, very important piece. Probably more important, because then you're not waiting for this person to come in and complete you, make you feel whole, make you feel good enough to live the life that you want to live. Like you're kind of like yeah, I'm good enough over here, so when you decide you want to show up and knock on my door, here I am, I'll be waiting. You know what I mean.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Like it's a whole different energy versus waiting for someone to make you feel whole and complete, or worse or worse, feeling like you're with someone and God for like you have to put on this facade because God forbid that they see you for who you really are, which is by your own mental, and this, this is your own mental abuse, inner mean chick talking to you. Your weight, your failure, your bank account is dismal, your family dynamics are a hot mess. Like, what business do you have being in a relationship? You can't let them see all of this Like you have to hide it and pretend everything is perfect. You know that in itself is what's going to create toxicity in your relationships, because now you've created a relationship based on something either trying to hide parts of yourself or trying to pretend that you're something that you're not. You know when.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Real, genuine love and connection, healthy love and connection means being able to be vulnerable, to allow yourself to be who you are, to be seen and to know that it is enough to be with that person. Because the playing fields are like you always have to remember. Toxicity comes from an equal playing fields, like anqual balance in power in a relationship. That's essentially what creates toxicity. So anytime we put somebody else on a pedestal, we're basically putting ourselves down. It's creating an imbalance. The imbalance will create toxicity right.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Second belief it is safe for you to love and be loved If you learned that love was painful, if you learned that love meant having to sacrifice too much, if you learned that love meant that your needs didn't get met or that you had to cater to everyone else's needs, if you all these things that we learn about love, if you learn these things now, you've got this like danger tag attached to having a living relationship and it can seem like the scariest place, because you feel like, oh my God, if I'm in a relationship, I have to lose myself again. I have to give all of myself again. I have to, you know, just ignore all my hurt, all my feelings, all my sadness, all my needs, all my insecurities and just, you know, make him the priority in my life and then everything else just takes a backseat. You know, it can feel that way when you've been down this road. Right, because that's that's for me, that's what love felt like. It felt like a place where I disappeared eventually, you know, and it became all about them. But it was me that was doing that, it wasn't them. I was energetically doing that, even though mentally it seemed like they were. It was an energetic thing that I was doing, but we'll get into that, that's another conversation for another day.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

But so for me, relationships at that point felt scary, you know, going back to the time when I was sitting in that woman's office and she's asking me what I want to work on. I'm like the last thing I want to do is work on my relationships. I don't even want to be in a relationship. I'm so tired of giving to all of these relationships and not having anything left for myself. Like I was tired, you know, and also it felt scary because I knew how much it hurt when I got hurt and I didn't want to go through that again. You know I had. When that relationship ended after 15 years, I bottled a lot of that emotion for a very long time and I was in complete denial because I didn't. I just wasn't ready to move through it. You know, I just was not ready.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

The third thing that we believe that we need to be able to really harness is, you know, going back to what I just said about, you know, the painful breakup. No matter what happens, we know that we're going to be okay Now, even if the relationship breaks up, we get hurt again. You know, we have to know that we're going to be okay. We were okay the last time and we'll be okay again, and all relationships, one way or another eventually do come to an end, whether we want to admit it or not. You know, eventually everything comes to an end. You know it's just life and we have to be willing to accept that. You know we have to be willing to let love in. We have to be willing to accept that one day that love, either by God's hand or someone else, will be taken away from us. And part of opening yourself up to love, and to love freely and without any weird funky energy, is letting go of this fear that you're going to one day lose the person. Energy is letting go of this fear that you're going to one day lose the person. You know. Yes, it makes us sad when we think about it. My God, I'm already crying over my dog, who's right now knock on wood, fine, you know. But I'm already crying over the day that one day. You know that'll inevitably happen, but you know what it is. It's one of these things where it's like you just got to focus on the love that they bring to you in your life and know that. You know you'll love that way again. You know whether this person or someone else.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

You know, when I came out of that relationship I wanted nothing to do with love, because that was painful for me and the thought of ever going through that again. Like I, there was moments where I didn't even think I was going to make it out of that alive. To be honest, like the pain, the, the, the sadness felt physically painful for me. When you know, going through the final years of that relationship with it, where the dismantling was kind of happening, it actually happened, it actually started dismantling years before we ever ended it and I can still remember like it was physically painful to function as a human when all of that was happening around me and the lying and the cheating, and then the gaslighting and me feeling powerless to do anything about it because of what we're going to talk about next. I felt so lost and so broken that you know, this person that I love with all my heart would treat me that way. But then also I felt, um, like I, there was nothing I could do about it. I felt so powerless because, um, you know it was his word against mine kind of thing, which brings me to my next point.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Being in a healthy relationship means that you can trust yourself to make the right decision. I didn't trust myself in that relationship to make a decision on what I knew was true, because he wouldn't admit it or there wasn't like hardcore evidence to prove it or you know things like that. And then, even like you know, or you know things like that, and then, even like you know, going going you know forward a few years and going back and when I was dating other people, I was terrified who to date? Because I didn't trust myself to make the right decision. I didn't trust myself to know who was the right person to date, because everybody felt like the right person at first. Everybody felt like Prince Charming when I first met them. It wasn't until after that I realized that they weren't. So I really needed to learn to trust my own instincts and trust my own intuition and trust that I knew what was and wasn't right for me.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

And even if say, for example, sometimes you know relationships leave, lead to heartache in the end or lead to a breakup, in the end, it still served a purpose right, even though like so, even though, like this last relationship, that I was in right, it ended. I ended it right before Christmas. I know awful time to end a relationship, but you know it is one of those things when you know when something, when the time is right and it it's right and I did it and I don't, I don't doubt that at all. Was it easy through the? No, probably not. It probably, I mean the timing could have been better, right, I think, for everybody involved, but and there was some sticky moments there but I don't regret it, I don't regret it one bit, and I think that ultimately I asked myself that question. I said, well, did I make the wrong decision? And it's like no, absolutely I didn't make the wrong decision.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

I think that was my first real relationship coming out of my seven year relationship hiatus. It was like, okay, we're going to test the waters now and see what all this work has really accomplished. We met magically, effortlessly, you know. We came together. There were so many qualities in him that I was looking for in a partner, but then so many things that were missing. Inequalities in him that I was looking for in a partner, but then so many things that were missing.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

And ultimately I had to choose. Am I going to choose my love for this person and hope that he will become the person that I want him to be, or am I going to choose to let to really love him the healthy way and let him go and choose to love myself and say I'm going to hold out for I know what it is that, for what I know I'm looking for, rather than trying to turn somebody that isn't into what I want, because that would have again created toxicity, because now I'm putting myself on a pedestal. If I do that right, if I'm putting myself on a pedestal saying that he's going to step up and become the man that I need him to be, then I'm putting myself on a pedestal and I'm creating an imbalance. Or if I say, if I were to say oh, but you know, this is the best love I've ever had. I don't want to lose it, because I'll never find this again, now I've put him on a pedestal, right. So you have to be willing to just trust your instincts to make the best decision that you can and trust that everything is going to work out in the end and that, no, there are no promises, there are no guarantees, but trust that everything is happening for your highest good and not beat yourself up for anything that goes south beyond that. You know, I might have lost count or skipped one. We'll find out when I listen to the replay, but the last one I have on my list here is love is available to you in infinite amounts.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

So this kind of goes back to my previous point. Right, when you're with somebody and everything's going great, you love this person. There's so many things that are like, oh, you know, like this is everything I would have wanted in a partner. Maybe it's, I don't know, maybe it's the way they smile at you when you enter the room, or maybe it's the way they brush your hair off your forehead when they look at you. Or, you know, maybe it's the way they subtly wake you up in the middle of the night because they're feeling the moment with you. You know what I mean.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

You know, whatever it is that you love about this person, you know, sometimes we can make it seem like oh my God, but if I lose this, I will never have that again, like ever, Like this is the only person that can do this or be this, or look this way, or make me feel this way, or, you know, everything becomes so finite and I don't know why we do that, and this is really a mindset shift that we need to make right. Like, like, think about it, whoever you're with or whoever you're with right now, like and this is not to. This is not to say that you know you're not with an amazing human like. It's not that, it's not that at all. But what this is trying to say is you know you're not with an amazing human Like. It's not that, it's not that at all.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

But what this is trying to say is just to put into perspective. Do you really think that of all the men in the world, that is the only man that will behave that way when in a healthy relationship or not, depends on what kind of relationship you're in? Do you really think that that's the only man in the world that can have those traits to be that person to show up in that way? And maybe he does like you know, maybe he does three things better than anybody else and everything else he does wrong. Or maybe he does everything wrong or everything right and better than anybody else, except for a couple of things. It doesn't matter, the point is.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

The point is there's so many men in the world and this thing that we have, that the number of men out there are finite is just crazy to me. I don't know when this perception of lack was imprinted. I mean, okay, dating apps certainly don't help, but the idea that there's no good men left out there, that you know there's there, there's pickings are slim, it's just a lie. Like there's so many good quality men out there. There's so many good quality men out there. We just, you know, we have to be, we have to believe that they're out there. You know, and if this last relationship taught me anything, it's that they are out there and they can be very loving and very romantic and all the things that you know you've kind of been hoping for and more. You know who knows who's to say to put a finite, a finite expectation on, like the all of the all of the men out there in the world, based on the few that we've had experiences with. Like it's just crazy, but sometimes our mind can play tricks on us, right, it can tell us well, this is all that you've known, so obviously that's what's out there, otherwise you would have attracted something totally different.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

The reality is is that, if, if you've been feeding into a lot of these narratives and yeah, you've probably have been attracting a lot of toxic people into your world, right? The reality is is it's not our fault that we're in. How do I say this? I'm yawning as I say this. So there's energy shifting. It's not our fault that we end up in toxic situations, but it is our fault also because we just have some work to do. You know, we have some cleaning up to do on our side of the fence and as long as listen we're not responsible for other people's bad behavior. That's on them. That is on them. We are not responsible for their bad behavior. What we are responsible for is cleaning up our side of the fence. So we make sure that we are energetically aligning ourselves with healthier, more loving partners. Okay, and that's pretty much the work that you do when you work with me. So you know for any of you that worked with me before you know exactly what I'm talking about.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Now, at the core of all of what I just talked about, you know knowing that you're enough, knowing that it's safe, knowing that, no matter what happens, you will be okay. You know knowing that you can trust yourself and knowing that love is always available to you, really knowing that you're worthy of love, because when you know that you're worthy of love and I mean you know it like, not just in theory you actually know it like you feel it in your cells of your body that you are worthy of love, then you know that there is tons of love for you out there, right, without a doubt. Without a doubt, of course there's more love, of course there's more partners, of course there's more people who can love me, maybe even love me better. You know, because you come from a place of being worthy, you know that you're enough, even if you are an imperfect hot mess, right? You know that you're enough for somebody to love. You know that you bring tons to the table and you feel good about what you bring to the table. Right? You know that, no matter how much you love somebody, no matter how amazing it is, if it ends one day you'll be okay. Yeah, it'll sting and it'll hurt like a motherfucker, but you'll be okay because there's still infinite love for you out there and you can tap into that, right, and you know that you can say no and trust yourself and say yes to this and no to that and know that everything is going to be fine because you love yourself, you feel good, you know you're worthy of love.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

This is where self-love becomes the mechanism by which we break so many of our toxic patterns. Because it is the lack of self-love that makes us an energetic match, unfortunately, to a lot of these toxic relationships. Because we come from a lower we come from, we come into the relationship feeling like we're like, like we're always pedestalling our partners, we feel less than there's always this energetic imbalance. Then there's always this energetic imbalance and that energetic imbalance makes us it, it, it. It translate into actions and decisions that somebody who is certain of their worth in a relationship wouldn't do. We tolerate shit we shouldn't tolerate. We make excuses for behavior that we shouldn't make excuses for. We wait, we chase, we convince somebody to love us, to choose us, instead of just choosing ourselves. We give, we give, we give and never ask for anything in return, thinking that one day that will make you know loving them harder, will make them be the partner that we want them to be. And it's just not the case.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

I truly believe. I truly believe beyond a shadow of a doubt, any relationship can be shifted if both parties wanted to shift. You know, and even if you're in a relationship right now, like I know, a lot of my clients are in relationships where there are well, there's kind of two camps. Right. There's those of you who have been in situation, perpetual situationships, for decades and you just cannot wait to break that cycle. I hear you. And then there are those of you and I hear you guys too trust me, I've been there too where you're in a relationship it's probably been very long-term you probably feel like roommates with one another. You feel completely unseen, undervalued, unappreciated, unloved, and you're like what the fuck Is this? All there is to life. And I'm telling you, it all starts with one important decision choosing yourself, choosing to love yourself, making you your priority in your life and bringing your worth back online. Because that will do one of three things. It will inspire well, actually one of two things. It will inspire actually one of two things. It will inspire the people around you to want to treat you better, or it will attract new people into your space.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Usually, when you've been with somebody for a long time, it does shift the relationship. Sometimes you end up realizing that maybe sorry, I just hit my mic Sometimes you end up realizing that maybe this, you know what? Maybe this is time for us to move on from this, you know. But here's what I have experienced, for, like the people that I've seen kind of go through this process. Most of them end up.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

If you're in a toxic situation and this is just like I'm very much compartmentalizing here If you're in a toxic situation ship that you're hoping one day works out, you're going to get so sick of that shit that you're just not going to want it anymore. You're actually going to move on and find somebody who, like, treats you right. If you're in a relationship when you have been for a very long time, that's just really stuck. There's love there, but you've just really stagnated. You can totally level up your partner but it doesn't come from you telling him what to do. It comes from you showing up differently for yourself and that will inspire a different version of your partner to show up right. Just because you've made that energetic shift of choosing yourself and you know making yourself take up more space and more value and more time and more energy in the relationship, they're going to mirror that back to you. They're going to mirror that back to you Even with situationship.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

Sometimes it can make them want like more and more. It can make them more inclined to put more effort in. But the honest truth is, when you really do the work and you get to that point you're kind of like but I don't want this, like I deserve better than a situationship, you know what I mean. And that's ultimately where we and and those, it actually turns into something really like beautiful, in which case by all means, go enjoy it. Um, but nine out of 10 times it's actually it's actually us who end up walking away when we do the work because we're like fuck, no, I deserve better than this. So it doesn't feel painful at all. It actually feels very liberating and freeing, because now you can actually go out there and actually live your best life and be your best self and know that the person that is meant for you will come along when the time is right, and that's really a beautiful place to be.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

People ask me all the time like well, aren't you sad now that you're single again? I mean, yeah, I miss him. Um, I miss, I miss certain things about him, but that doesn't mean that I would want to go back to a, knowing that what is meant for me will find me when the time is right, and I'm okay to kind of ride it out for a little while you know what I mean and kind of do my own thing right, probably podcast a lot more now, who knows. But anyway, do you get my point? Like? I hope that makes sense, because you know it's those four things and they're all five things and they're all. I don't know if I said four or five, I think I said five.

MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:

They're all rooted in the belief that you are worthy. Every single toxic pattern that you need to break in your relationship starts with that one singular belief the belief that you are worthy of real, genuine, healthy love, just as you are right now. Okay, and if you can practice that and embody that, you are well on your way to breaking toxic patterns and really being a magnet for healthy love. If not, stick around. We've got lots more coming your way. That is all for now. You guys, if you love this episode, please leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this. Until next time, massive love, you guys.