The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria Rei, aka The Femme Coach—Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, waiting for validation, and abandoning myself in the name of relationships. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to choose yourself and step into the love you were always meant for. Ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
The Holiday Thrive Guide For Singles, Mingles & Hot Mess Entanglements | And Why The Holidays Are The Best (And Worst) Time To Be Single
The holidays are here, and while the world screams coupledom with twinkling lights, mistletoe, and those Starbucks red cups, being single can feel like a one-way ticket to Lonelyville. But what if this season could be your time to thrive?
In this episode of The Femme Cast, I’m breaking down the bittersweet highs and lows of being single during the holidays. From the awkward family interrogations to that dreaded “single again” Christmas tree moment, I’ve been there. I’ve also learned how to turn this season into a time of empowerment, joy, and self-discovery.
Whether you’re:
- Navigating post-breakup holiday blues
- Embracing solo living but feeling the sting of festive pressure
- Or caught in a situationship that’s you have no clue what to do with over the next few weeks
I’m sharing practical tips and mindset shifts to help you survive—and even thrive—through it all. Think holiday hacks like crafting a badass elevator pitch for Aunt Nosy, creating your own joy traditions, and flipping the script on what this season should look like.
By the end, you’ll feel more confident, connected, and ready to own the season. Because, girl, you don’t need a plus-one to shine under the Christmas lights.
Tune in now and let’s turn this holiday season into a time of growth, healing, and maybe even a little bit of fun.
Let’s do this.
Ready to rewrite your love story and attract the relationship you deserve? Click the link below for free resources, transformative sessions, and more.
https://linktr.ee/TheFemmeCast
Hey guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. I've actually recorded two episodes today, guys. The last one was a little heavy, so I bumped this one up because I just wanted to have some fun and switch up the vibe a little bit, because I just could not end the note on the last one. I was like, nope, I just need to do something else. So I'm recording the holiday special y'all.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:This is the holiday thrive guide for singles, mingles and hot mess entanglements. Guys, trust me when I tell you I have been single more Christmases than I care to count, and it can be very difficult. It can be very difficult and I'm not going to sugarcoat it Like, honestly, it's, being single through the holidays is probably the best and also the worst time to be single, for many reasons which we'll all get into. And I'm going to kind of share some of the best tips and techniques that I've learned along the way to help me survive the holidays. Because, guys, it's not an easy holiday. Like I'm sorry, like everybody thinks. Everybody looks at you know, when I was, you know, single, everybody's like oh, you know how do you feel being single? Another Valentine's Day and it's like, dude, valentine's Day is over in a week. Like a day Like I can just stay home in my PJs, watch TV like binge, watch some Netflix, eat some takeout and I'm good. I wake up the next morning and it's over, it's gone, it's done, like that's it. The only thing I just, I just avoid doing or would avoid doing on Valentine's Day would be, like, you know, going out to like a restaurant, but I would still go to a bar and like have a drink, like that wasn't a big deal for me. You know what I mean? It okay, it's Valentine's big deal, but Christmas, holidays, thanksgiving and everything else in between, oh my God, like it was the hardest time in the world for me to be single.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I remember at one point in the beginning I just it was dread, it was pure, and I am somebody who loves the holidays Like I am such a sucker for the holidays. So for me, having a hard time with being in the holiday season was really hard and it's because you're constantly being reminded that you're single and it just got so like uncomfortable in the beginning, especially after I had been attached for quite some time and suddenly like coming back out into the world as a single woman. I was like yo. This is different, like I don't think I like the holidays anymore. Can I just like, can I just hibernate until all this is over, because this is really fucking uncomfortable? I just like. Honestly, valentine's Day is nothing. Christmas is the hardest time of the year to not be coupled up, but it's also the best time, and I will share why. So hopefully this might help shift your perspective, because I know it sucks. I know it does. I've been there. I might.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you've listened to my last episode, I'm not sure in which order I will publish these in. I might actually be right there with you this Christmas. We'll see. But you know what it can be done and it can be something that you really learn to enjoy.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know there's so many things we can be in this world, you know, as women. You know there's women who are coupled up, there's women who want to be coupled up, who aren't, and there's just women who just choose to be single and any of the above is fine, it's all good, right, we have the choice. But for the women who you know you're single, you want to be coupled up, but you're not coupled up just yet. You know you, you always, you never want to be in the mindset of, but I can enjoy this because I don't have my person, because it's so easy to go there, you know, especially at Christmas, and we'll talk about why it is so easy to go to that place of. But how can I enjoy putting up a Christmas tree if I don't have a partner? Or how can I enjoy putting presents under my tree if I don't have anybody to open them with on Christmas morning? You know, who can I, you know, curl up with in front of the fire? You know what I mean.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Like there's this, like there's so many things that will run through your mind through the holidays that and, like I said, it's not a day like Valentine's Day, right, it's a month. It is a month of being bombarded by all this messaging and wrapping paper and eggnog and Starbucks Christmas cups, like it is fucking everywhere and you can't get away from it, and so it can feel very lonely and very isolating and you can really start to feel like you're the only person in the world who's still single. So I get you and I hear you and I feel you and listen to me Every, every, every day that you spend as a single woman I truly believe is empowering you and healing you. I believe and you know some people, some people will argue with me, but I'm not going to say that there's one person out there for everybody. I don't believe that. I don't believe that there's one person, one, one divinely guided person that you're meant to be with. I don't believe that. What I do believe is that if you truly in your heart want to be with somebody, I believe that that reality is available to you and that it will happen for you. But until it does, it is your responsibility to clean up your side of the fence and live your best life and do your own inner work and, just you know, live your best damn life until that person shows up, rather than you know getting caught up. And it's so easy, it is so easy to get caught up in the but I'm alone. And is it ever going to happen to me? And how many more Christmas?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And Christmas was the hardest time I can remember. Every Christmas that went by like I would. I would rock the entire year right. I would live my best damn life, I traveled, I did shit Like I lived life fully, you know. And every time Christmas rolled around. It was this horrid sadness of like oh my God, not another single Christmas. Please God, not another single Santa.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I asked you for a partner last Christmas. You promised. Well, you didn't promise, but you know you're Santa Claus. I asked you for a partner promise, but you know you're Santa Claus. I asked you for a partner. What the fuck? Okay, maybe I ended up on the naughty list, but still, you know what I mean, right?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so it's hard, it is so hard, but it doesn't have to be. Okay, it does not have to be so hard. Yes, I know it's not where you want to be, and I hear you on that, and I feel you and I do, I get it. But there's things that you can do to just kind of make the best of it and try and enjoy it and, you know, come out of it feeling more empowered and feeling like, yeah, I still want that relationship, yeah, I still wish that it was here. And it's okay for you to want that relationship and wish it was there with you. That is cool. You know I'm not here to tell you, um, you know, girl, you're just gonna, like you know, go off, live your best life and not give a shit. Well, I am, but I'm not like it's okay to be a little sad, you know. It's okay to kind of wonder, well, when is it going to happen and why?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, I don't know how many Christmases you've had of being single, but you know, for me it was that, yeah, you know, I had a seven year relationship hiatus, so it was a lot. It was a lot of Christmases, right, and there was also times before that. But you know, it can be hard and it can feel sad and I think that gets to be okay. You know, because I think we're bombarded with so much messaging about what Christmas should be and what it should look like, that sometimes we can feel a little bit left behind and that's fine.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, move through those emotions, process those feelings, you know, be present with them because in reality it really is all healing you. At the end of the day, it's actually helping you kind of um, get used to facing a lot of those difficult emotions of you know that being on your own can bring up. Because, I'll tell you, being on your own in itself is a very healing experience, because when you can start to be on your own for long, longer periods of time and start to bring up those feelings of oh my God, I'm alone, oh my God I'm. You know I'm not. You know, moving through all that and facing all that emotion and allowing it to just process and move through you is such a powerful healing process. So I'm here for it, like I really am, like I really want to give you permission to just be there fully. But I'm also going to give you some tools so that you don't spend the entire month in that place. So that's my permission slip to you all today is yeah, okay, you can have the Christmas blues or the holiday blues or whatever you want. You can go through all that, you can experience all of that I give you full permission to, because I think for everyone that it's different.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Yeah, there's women out there who are rocking Christmas, sure, but there is some women out there who you know what. Maybe you're struggling and that's okay too. You know, coming from a situation where you know I was with a partner for so many years and I mean we didn't really, we didn't really enjoy Christmas together. We went to our family functions, but that was it. We never put up a tree together, we never opened Christmas like presents together under our tree on Christmas morning, like it was just so like bizarro, you know, but I wasn't alone. And so, after years of being with someone in that capacity even if it wasn't ideal suddenly being alone was hard, you know. So I want to honor where you're at and I want to honor what's coming up for you and I want to tell you that it's okay.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, now we're going to get into why it's the worst time in the world to be single, why it's also the best time in the world to be single. So maybe we can have a little bit of a mindset shift here, and I'm also going to give you some of my best tips and tricks for how to navigate some of the holiday events that are coming up and that might be triggering for you. Okay, so this is for you. If you're single during the holiday season, you're dreading it. I love you. Maybe you're sad, maybe you're happy, maybe you're excited. I don't know Any of the above works, but either way, this is going to kind of help you navigate this whole entire season and hopefully come out of it feeling a little bit more empowered, a little bit more confident, a little bit more excited about what the future could bring. That's kind of my intention with this episode, okay.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So if, if you know, listen to the episode and if you know anybody else who needs to hear this, please, please, please, share the episode with them, share the love. They might not like you for sharing the episode. All my episodes are like yeah, share the episode. They might get offended if you share it with them, but that's okay. It's always with the best intention, okay. So always I'd love to have a conversation and I love to hear from you guys.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So what is the one thing that you are dreading the most this holiday season? I want you to DM me at TheFemCast or I want you to email me at TheFemCoachcom Maria at TheFemCoachcom. Sorry, let me know. What is the one thing that either A you're dreading this holiday season or that you're looking forward to this holiday season. Let me know. I am curious. Okay, so here is the roundup of why this is the worst time in the world to be single. Okay, number one it can feel like you're the only single person left in the world.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:At every single one of these functions that you go to, like literally everybody, it feels like everyone in the world is coupled up. And here you are walking into these events and these parties and you know some of them may just be family events where it's like you know, just like you know, 20 of your closest relatives aunts, uncles and cousins sitting on this, you know long dining room table with the extended, you know, plastic table that used to be the kids table. Could be that, or you know it could be. You know that's one end of the scale, or the other end of the scale is, my God, like you could be walking into like a work Christmas party that has like 1000 of your closest colleagues, right, like a work Christmas party that has like 1000 of your closest colleagues, right, and you know the CEO is there and the partners are there, and you know everybody that you support on a day to day basis and work with and collaborate with is also there. So you know, depending on what kind of event we're talking about, you know it could it could vary a great deal, but it doesn't matter, because every time you go to one of these things, you can feel like you're the only single person in the room.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Um, so it's hard, right, cause it's, and you're not the last single person. You're not like. You're so not like when I tell you like, oh my God, like I wouldn't be doing what I was doing, what I'm doing right now If, if there wasn't like a ton of other women just like you out there who are struggling with being single through the holidays maybe not struggling, but at least they are single through the holiday season, or they're mingling, or they're in some sort of weird situationship that they don't even know what to call. And then they've got this it's complicated status on Facebook. Either way, you know they're not coupled and I'm using air quotes, they're not coupled up. So it's a bit of an anomaly, right, and you can feel like that, but you're not. You're not an anomaly Like.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:There's so many people out there, it's not just you, but I know it's not the most comforting thing in the world, but I just want you to try and remind yourself. You know that you're not the only person left in the world who's single. Okay, the other reason why it is one of the worst times in the world or in the year to be single is everyone from your mother to your aunt Muriel's dentist is trying to hook you up with somebody that they know who is single. I want to really like, I want to really put an exclamation point on this Because it felt like it got to the point where the people in my life who, out of so much love, were setting me up with people and the criteria for who to set me up with, like the bar, just like it just kept coming lower and lower and lower, to the point where it got to hey, you're 35 and he's 35. So you all are 40. You're 40 and he's 40. So you all should get together and you're both single. That was the criteria.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:We were around the same age and we were both single. That was the only thing they were looking for. By the time, actually, I would say probably this was like. This was like. In the last couple of years I was probably closer to 50. So maybe I was like 48 or 49, late 40s, right? Hey, he's in his late 40s, you're in your late 40s, you're both single. Why not? You know, I can start to feel that way. In the beginning it wasn't like that, but as years went on, it was like that's really the only criteria.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You got on your little itinerary there Find somebody who's the same age as her and single. That's all you got Like. There's nothing else. So it can be very frustrating. Okay, and I know, and I get this, and you know, there's nothing worse than going from event to event to event and having, like I said, everybody from your mother to your Aunt Muriel's dentist tell you have I got the guy for you? He's single and he's about your age.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Great, I'm so glad, like, wow, you found, like my knight, knight in shining armor. That's exactly what I've been looking for my entire life. Tell me, where did you find them? I'm sorry, guys, so much sarcasm. I know, but it's because, listen, they do mean well, but I know how that feels on the receiving end. It can start to feel like, like you, you're leftover goods. So, basically, anybody who's the same age as you and is single is qualified to kind of take you off, like you know, take you off the market.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So try not to let that part get to you, because it really is coming from a place of love and wanting to. Because think of it this way and this is how I kind of applied it to the people in my world right, they've been brought up believing that happiness and wellness comes and you know, and as you get older, comes with, you know, being in a committed, long-term relationship, maybe having a family. This is what safety and well-being looks like to so many people and that's what so many people have been brought up to believe. So you have to remember and put it almost. Look at it from their perspective. They really do mean well and they really are trying to look out for you in the best way that they know how to do. Are they also pushing their beliefs onto you and their own fears? Yes, they are, but they are doing it with the best intention.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So, you know, take everything with a grain of salt. Try not to let it like trigger you, because I know it can be very triggering. So, yeah, the other reason is you know the horrible pity faces when you tell people that you're still single. I remember by 40, like 48, 49, the look on people's faces when I told them that I was still single was just horrific, and then they would always follow it up with well, that's okay, and it's like, yeah, it is okay. Thanks, you know, and I don't even think people realize when they do it, and I remember it being so triggering for me to have to witness that because it was so blatantly obvious. You know, like there's nothing wrong with me because I'm single, like I don't have. Like you know, I don't even want to go there. Let's just say there's nothing wrong with me for being single. Leave it at that. I'm still a human being, I have feelings, I have purpose in this life.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I mean, I can remember this one woman oh my gosh, she was the most horrible, wretched woman I had ever met in my life, actually and she basically said to me one day it was through the holidays, it wasn't at Christmas, but it was around holiday time and she actually said to me so you're not married, you don't have any children. She she's like what purpose do you have in life? And I was like, wow, I have. I was dumbfounded, like I know now how I would respond to that, but back then I had I don't. I don't even know what I said to her. I think I said well, don't you worry, because I have. I have plenty that you know, plenty of things in my life that are important to me, that matter to me and that I'm passionate about. But you know, very sarcastically, thank you for that observation.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I never spoke to this woman again, needless to say, but anyway, that was not a perspective that was given out of love. She was purely just projecting her own shit onto me. That was not a loving experience at all. And there are those and it does happen and it's out there and you know what. When it does come at you, please know and I can tell you without a doubt this had everything to do with her unhappiness in her own life and absolutely nothing to do with me. She was projecting all her unhappiness on to me. So, please, if you're ever in that situation where somebody is just saying something really mean to you, like that, know that it's a projection of something that they are going through and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Last but not least and this is probably the worst part about the holiday season and let me tell you, it has really, really made me change some of my choices when it comes to the people that I keep close relationships with is the unspoken couples only events. These are the events where people will and I've experienced this. You guys like it's not. It doesn't happen often, but I have experienced it. I remember there was one time where there was a New Year's party and everyone had been invited but me and one of the girls not the girl who was hosting the party, but one of the other girls who was going to the party and she just said to me she's like, well, I think she just felt uncomfortable inviting you because she didn't want you to feel bad because everybody else was coming as a couple and you'd be the only single. I was like, wow, that is really rich. Thank you, I will not be coming to any one of your events ever again. But thanks and that was it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I pretty much cut ties with that whole social circle Because to me it just kind of felt like you know what, if you're concerned about my comfort level, let me make that decision for myself. I'm a big girl. I can say yes or no or, you know, I can make my own choices. But to say that you're not invited because you're single, that was nothing to do with me being uncomfortable, that was their discomfort with my being single as far as I'm concerned. Because really, if you actually you care about someone as a person, it shouldn't matter whether they're coupled or not. You should want to invite them to spend time, to raise a glass to, you know, have some Christmas cheer. If not, then you know whether you're single or not shouldn't make a difference. So that was real eye opening for me, and I actually, I actually really value that lesson, and it's something that I always kind of not bring with me, but I always kind of.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I always use it as a measure of, you know, not a measure of what I. It's almost like I use it as the as a measure of the opposite, right? Like, let that not be the experience ever again. Let me surround myself with people who actually love and value me, not because of what I do, not because of my relationship status, not because of the balance on my bank account, but people who actually see me for who I am and love me and recognize me for that. Let me surround myself with people who are more like that and let me also then treat people in that same respect, right. Also then treat people in that same respect, right. Very, very eye-opening experience. I will say that, and you know what, to this day, I'm so glad that I had it, because it helped me to see things very clearly. Let's just put it that way. So that's the reason why it's the worst time to be single. Now let's talk about why it's the best time to be single Now. Let's talk about why it's the best time, and then we're going to talk about a few tips and tricks.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So it is the best time to be single because your calendar is almost always full. There's always lots going on. Time is going by so fast, from the wrapping events to the cocktail events, to the work functions, to to the Christmas tree lightings, to whatever you've got going on. You know, like there's always stuff going on during the holidays and even if there's not stuff going on, there's always stuff to watch on TV. There's always people coming by. Like it's just a really busy, fast paced time of year, you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So time goes by quickly and there's very little downtime. You know, because I think you know when you're single it's the downtime that really gets to you. It's often the downtime is more. The downtime is more difficult than the busy time, because you know the thoughts and the intrusive thoughts and the limiting beliefs. Those come when everything's quiet, and there's not a lot of quiet time during Christmas or the holidays. So you know, take that for what it's worth, right? There's lots of chocolate, there's lots of candy cane martinis and there are lots of Hallmark movies. So if you ever do have a down day, grab yourself a fucking blanket and just have a chocolate, martini and Hallmark fest. Like, seriously like, if you're going to have a down day, that's the season to have a down day, because you can seriously like just coddle yourself with copious amounts of chocolate and binge worthy Hallmark movies, cocktails of your choice, eggnog, spiked hot chocolate, hot toddies like there's just so much to go around Malt cider, like my god, like you're never, it's never a dull moment, it's never a dry tap, it is never an empty tray of cookies, you know. So you know, enjoy.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Let yourself put on that final 10 pounds. Why the fuck not? You're going to be in sweaters anyway. Come, like a couple of weeks, come in January, at least while we are here. I don't know about where you are in the world, but you know, in a couple of weeks we're going to be like in sweaters and fleece, lined denim, and you know it's going to be fucking cold. So now's a better time as any to put on 10 extra pounds, because no one's going to see it in a few weeks anyway.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Now, okay. So that's why it's the best time and that's why it's the worst time. I know the worst probably outweighs the best, but that's okay. But because I'm going to give you some strategies, okay. So these are the things that I turned to that actually really helped me cope with all the single holiday. Sorry, I just banged my phone on my desk and you probably heard that like a big thump. That is the problem with these crazy podcasting mics sometimes.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, so I've got it down to seven. Is that seven? Yeah, seven Holiday tips, which kind of? I already mentioned one of them, but anyway, seven tips on how to survive the holidays, and not just survive, but actually thrive and enjoy it and make the most of it and seize kind of carpe diem, my friend. Seize the day, like, just, you know what it's not. It's not, it may not be your ideal for what you want for the holidays, but you can still make the most of it and you can still use it to have a good time and use it to your advantage and use it to come out better and stronger on the other side. You know, like, just use it. You know, use it to the, to the, to the, as best as you can. Um, don't forget to go. Um, if you do want to start manifesting your new love story, um, go over to my Instagram page and go to the pinned post for my love story writing ritual. It is so powerful, you guys, you can actually write one just for the holidays and you can manifest, you know, like a more love coupled experience next holiday season. So I encourage you to go check that out.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, so here are my best tips. I may add more as we go, but this is what I've got so far. So, number one I want you to have your holiday elevator pitch ready to go for all of these events, and I want you to make it real and authentic. Like I really want you to be honest with people that you meet and people that you talk to about where you're at in your life and you know, when they ask you the question of whether or not you're single, I want you to be honest, like, yeah, okay, I'm single right now. It's not ideal, it's not what I would have wanted for the holidays, but here's what I'm looking forward to. Or here's how I'm enjoying it, like here's I mean, you know, maybe it's not what I would have chosen, but I do get to enjoy doing x, y and Z. You know, I would have hoped for things to be different, but I'm also looking forward to I don't know going to Bahamas with my girlfriends over the new year.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Right, this isn't what I would have chosen. I obviously would have, you know, would have loved to spend Christmas with you know, being coupled up, but I'm actually also really getting to enjoy all the time that I get to spend alone, watching, you know, binge watching, hallmark movies, or spending time with you know, a close time with my family. You know that I might not have been able to do if I was, you know, going from one Christmas to the other and from one, you know, oh, my god. I can remember, you know, when I was in a long-term relationship, like literally dividing the holidays in half so Christmas Eve afternoon with your family, christmas Eve with my family, christmas morning with your family, christmas day afternoon with my family, and then we go to the ants and like it was exhausting, like four Christmases, it was more, like 10 Christmases, you know, and you're trying to cram it all into two days. And you know now you don't have to do that and it's actually a really nice feeling not having to divide and conquer your holiday season.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So again, be honest, yeah, you know what. It's not what I would have chosen. Or obviously I would have, you know, loved to spend the holidays with someone. You know that, you know I was committed to, or that meant, the world to me, or whatever. However you want to phrase it. However, is real and authentic for you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But then be real and authentic about but I get to enjoy this, but I'm looking forward to that, but I'm really seizing the opportunity to take advantage of whatever X, y, z and really have, and the reason why this is so important to do and this isn't just a bunch of BS, like I don't want you to BS this. I want you to be really, really, really honest about what you say, and it's not about explaining yourself. It's not about making excuses. It's not about it's not any of that. It is a perspective that I want you to go to every event with, in being honest and being real with people and being real with yourself.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That, yeah, I do want to be in a relationship, but in the meantime, here's what I'm doing to really enjoy my life. I never want you to be the person who life. I never want you to be the person who, well, I'm not in a relationship so I can't enjoy anything, because that's just bullshit. You know you can still enjoy your life and you should enjoy your life if you want to attract a healthy relationship. If you want to attract a toxic and codependent relationship, by all means sit there and wait for them to come into your world to enjoy your life. Good luck with that, because I've been there too and let me tell you it never ends well. Go out there, enjoy your life, live your best life, be sad when you need to, but take advantage of the opportunities that are out there for you. Even if it's the littlest things that you get to enjoy each and every day, enjoy them.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It's really important that you do that, because that energy of enjoying your life, making the most of what you got, even if it's not what you would have chosen for yourself, that's what's going to attract that healthy relationship to you and that's also what's going to help shift some of the relationships around you so that maybe you're not in this energy of people always trying to you know, set you up with the next guy who's the same age as you or, you know, look at you with that look of pity, or not invite you to the party because you're not coupled up, which, honestly, I don't want you to get invited to that party anyway, because if they would not invite you for something like that. You don't want to be with those people, so I don't want. I want you to actually get disinvited from that party, to be quite honest, because those aren't the people that you need in your life. Do you know what I mean? Like that's where this is coming from.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It's not from a place of I want you to feel sorry for yourself for being single, but it's also not from a place of denying. Well, you know what? I'm fine without a partner because I get to do this, that and the other. It's okay to not be fine. It's okay to say to yourself yeah, you know what I would have loved somebody to share the holidays with or to open presents with on Christmas morning or whatever. But you know what? It's okay because here's what I'm doing now instead, and I get to enjoy this. Both can coexist, both can be great, uplifting and inspiring experiences. Like don't knock one for the other, you know. Try to enjoy both realities. And then you know when you can enjoy your time, kind of being on your own and making the most of it and enjoying your life to the best of your ability. You are such a healthier match for a loving and supportive partner when you can do that, okay. So it's really important.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I really want you to have I guess the best way to put it is that balanced perspective. You know, I want you to be honest and have a balanced perspective. That is my ask of you. So that's why I want you to have that elevator. And it's not that you have to say it word for word, the same every time, but I want you to be prepared with that information so that when you go to these events and people start firing off the questions, oh, what do you do? Oh, how come you're here alone? When are you going to find someone? How come you're still single? What happened, like you know, I want you to be able to start to answer some of those questions with real solid answers that you feel really good and aligned with. That feel truthful for you, you know, and resonance. That's the important thing. I don't want you to make up any BS. This isn't about BSing, because people can see through that shit right away.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Number two I want you to go to events with the intention of meeting and talking to as many people as possible. Okay, and this is a real important element of any time you attend an event, doesn't matter what time of the year it is doesn't have to be in the holidays, but specifically around the holidays. I want you to go to the intention with the. I want you to go with the intention of talking with and getting to know and connecting with as many people as possible. And there's two reasons why I want you to do this. And, first of all, I don't want you to do it from the perspective of like looking for your next partner, like talking to people for the sake of, like trying to pick them up or hook up or whatever. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about actually genuinely getting out there, meeting people, sharing about yourself, showing interest in what they've got to say or what they've got going on in their lives, making intentional eye contact with people, listening to what they say. I want you to really start to foster some really deep, meaningful connections, because you have no idea how just this process I would even do this, like there were times where I would do this just when I would go to Starbucks to work.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Sometimes, like I would go to Starbucks, I would talk to the baristas, I would ask them how they were doing, I'd ask them how their day was, you know, and start a conversation with them. I would start a conversation with the person sitting in the communal bar, communal tape, like that communal seating table at Starbucks next to me or on that you know that lounger by the fireplace that every like signature Starbucks has right. Talk to the person next to me and just start to strike up a conversation. This is so important because, number one, it boosts your confidence, okay. Number two, it actually helps to open up your energy to meeting people, because meeting people, especially if you've been single for a while, can feel a little bit daunting. This kind of takes that whole layer of gunk off of you so that you're actually in the vibration of, yes, I love meeting people, yes, I really enjoy meeting people. Yes, bring me more people to meet. Like it kind of opens you up energetically. So build your confidence, it opens you up energetically.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And third and I really don't want you to think about this ever when you're doing this, I want to like I'm gonna, I'm gonna put it in your mind right now, and then I want you to forget about what I just said, and that is that you never know who knows who and who's going to introduce you or who you're going to meet through somebody you know. Like, just keep the channels open. You know what I mean, because I tell you like I've met the most amazing people through the most random connections and introductions. So keep yourself open. That way, I'm telling you, it will change your life, it'll change your career, it'll change your friendship circles, like there's so many ways that this can change and elevate your life.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Like, if you do this, if you just kind of stay open, ask everyone you meet lots of questions, right is number one to get to know them, which is what we talked about in the last point. But also, if you are feeling uncomfortable and if you do feel like everyone in the room is looking at you, because sometimes it can feel that way, or you can feel like everyone in the room is kind of like interrogating you, it can feel that way and I know it. And and what happens is when you start to reverse the roles on them. Right, do a little bit of role reversal and start asking them a lot of questions Would people love to talk about more than anything in the world themselves. So, if you can, you know, take one of those uncomfortable situations and just start asking people a lot of questions and get them to start talking about themselves, honey. They ain't gonna be paying any attention to what's going on in your world, they're gonna be too busy talking about theirs. And they're gonna fully enjoy it and remember the conversation and remember your interaction as something that was favorable and memorable, because you helped to make them feel seen and heard. And you know what, sometimes that is our best defense. Sadly, it is our best defense when we're trying to hide also and I know this because I've done this for years but sometimes you know what you do need that little bit of a break from the interrogation. So that's where I would use this tactic, but please don't overuse this.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You also want to share and put yourself out there, and you know. Share who you are with people. Share about yourself, share about your journey, share about your struggles, your and you know. Share who you are with people. Share about yourself, share about your journey, share about your struggles, your fears, your likes, your dislikes. Don't always make it about the other people, because that in itself is often a defense mechanism that we use to kind of block people out. So be very mindful about how and when. It's a very powerful tool. This is a very powerful. What's the saying? This is a very powerful. What's the saying? This is a great power. Use it wisely, so yeah, so be careful with that one, because it can also become a crutch and a form of self-sabotage.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But again, in the right circumstances, where you feel like you're getting like interrogated again and again and again and you need to just feel, you know, kind of fend off people's questions and interrogations, then go ahead and use that tactic. But that's the only time you're allowed to use it. Anytime other than that, I'm going to come around and smack you, just saying Next, I want you to deeply and honestly thank everyone who is trying to set you up. Even though they are trying to set you up with anybody who's single in your age, that's okay, it doesn't matter. The important thing is is that you are grateful that someone is out there showing interest in your life and what you want and trying to help you, trying to find a way to help you get what it is that you want. Because if you want a relationship and someone out there is trying to help you, even though they're doing a shitty job of it, it is okay. The important thing is that you're grateful for the help, you're grateful for the invitation, you're grateful for the opportunity for a new connection and even though that might not be the connection for you, being grateful for that being brought forward to you is going to help open you up energetically to maybe more aligned partners to come your way and you can say, like, don't feel bad about saying you know, if you find out, you know what I, what I used to do when people used to say, hey, I know somebody, he's the same age as you and he's single.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Why don't you get together? Yeah, I would start asking questions oh, what does he do and what's his background, what's his story? Why is he still single? Blah, blah, blah. And you know people would tell me a little bit about them and I would get some information and I would say you know, I'm really looking for somebody who's here or who's looking for like at the time I think I was looking for, you know, somebody who wanted to travel. Or you know maybe somebody at the time who didn't have children of his own. Because I didn't have children of my own, I was hoping to have children with someone at the time.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Things like that, not real rigid criteria, time Things like that, not real rigid criteria, just some fundamental sort of characteristics, of who they were and how they were living their life, like their lifestyle, that I thought you know, fundamental things that I thought would kind of mesh well with where I was in my world. I'm never one to get really too specific about you know what a person should look like, or what they do, or how they dress, or you know those to me, are the things that are the nice to have. For me, it's the values, it's you know, where do we meet on our values? Where do we meet on our beliefs? What vision do we have for our future and is it compatible Like those, I think, are the fundamental things and actually one that a lot of people take for granted a lot of the time, is actually lifestyle, because you'd be surprised how hard it is to actually create a harmonious relationship with somebody who has a total polar opposite lifestyle than you do. You know it can be difficult. It doesn't have to be, but it can be. So I want you to keep all that in mind when you're kind of selecting your idea of you know what it is that you're looking for in a partner.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Wow, this is getting long. I've been rambling for 40 minutes. Okay, this is what happens when I don't have notes. I do have a list, but that's all I've got, okay, next, I want you to consider maybe having a holiday date. These are real things. These are people that you can look up, who can be your date to some of the larger. I mean, I wouldn't bring them to a family event, but you can bring them to some of the larger events that you have to go to, like some of the work.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Christmas party functions right, I've brought my friends before to work Christmas party functions. Sure, why not? You can even, I think don't quote me, but if you're using oh my God, what is that app called Bumble? You can add I think it's, is it Bumble or Tinder? I think it's Bumble where you can find friends. Actually, you can use that to find, like somebody you can just kind of hang out with over the holidays and use as a holiday date and you can go to his events and he can come to your events and you know everybody gets along and it's all very, you know, compatible and respectful.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I wouldn't hook up with your holiday. That would make things complicated really quickly. I also wouldn't bring a friends with benefits or anything it's complicated-ish to a work function. You don't need that energy coming into the workplace. I'm telling you right now, those situations never end well. If it's complicated, if it's a situationship, if it's a fuck boy, I don't care, there's no, you can have any of the above, it doesn't matter to me. I'm here for all of that, but don't bring it to your work function. Trust me, that never, never, ever ends well. I think that was it. And then, obviously, you know which is the point we mentioned that before is, you know, make sure to keep lots of chocolate, lots of tissue and lots of hard rock movies on standbys for when the days get tough, because they may. They don't always, but sometimes they do.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Sometimes you hear a song last christmas makes me cry. Actually, no, that's not true. You know what song makes me cry every fucking time? Mariah carey. Because for years I was like I just want somebody that I could feel this way about, so I can sing this song. All I Want for Christmas is you, and I kid you not. Every time I heard that fucking song, I cried every time. Do you know how many time that song is played over the holiday season? Have you ever counted? I'm actually tempted to Google it right now. Hold on a second. Okay, so I've Googled it. This is some crazy stats y'all. So I can't. It doesn't tell me how many times it's just played on the radio.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:We're living in I don't the digital age, I guess, is the best way to put it where it's like everything's kind of lumped up together. You've got radio plays, you've got like podcasts, you've got music apps, like there's so many things, right, so, and there's different stats, and I'm not sure which year is which, but okay, so for December 20, 2022, so a couple years ago, mariah Carey's and this is on what website am I? On? Flourishstudio blog, so this is like a blog. So I don't know how accurate this is, but NBC Philadelphia also had some similar numbers for 2021. So they're all roughly around the same. So, november 17th, 2021, according to MRC Data, the provider of analytics to the music business.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:All I Want for Christmas is you has been streamed more than 3.5 million times this year so far. That was in 2021. Okay, 3.31.5 million times that year, 683 million since 2010. Okay, and then there was that other article that I was reading in that blog, flourish, where it basically states that in 2022, it was streamed 41 million times during the week. Okay, sorry, my bad. Hang on a second. Let me read this again Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is you spreads globally, global holiday cheer with 41 million streams during Christmas week.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:41 million streams during Christmas week, that's a lot of crying, you guys. That's a lot. From November, from 11th to November. That's not Christmas week. From 11 November to 30 December. Oh no, it's showing the chart, sorry. Weekly streams in millions Okay, okay. So 41 streams during Christmas week in the year 2021. This is no joke, you guys. Like, that's a lot of fucking crying, okay, that's all I'm gonna say. So, yeah, we'll see.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Anyway, so those are my tips for thriving. And I know again, I know it can be hard, I know it can be triggering, but listen, you got this, you can do this. This is wildly healing for you and it's only if you can take one mindset shift from all of this is that if you're single this Christmas and it's triggering the crap out of you, that triggering is a sure sign that you are healing and that this experience is preparing you for the love of your life. Do you feel me? I want you to really let that sink in for you for a second. Okay, because I'm telling you this is absolutely transformational. I know it doesn't feel like when you're in it, but it absolutely is. So that is all for now.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You guys, stop waiting, chasing and convincing them to choose you. Choose yourself and become a magnet for healthy love. You guys, the kind that chooses you every single time. That is my greatest wish for each and every one of you. Love this episode. It would mean the world to me if you would leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this. Until next time, you guys, massive love. Happy holidays.