The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast – the podcast for women who are DONE with toxic relationship patterns and ready to call in the healthy love they deserve.
I’m your host, Maria Rei, Master Energy Healer, Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor. I’ve been where you are – stuck in the exhausting cycle of emotionally unavailable partners, self-abandonment, and constant chasing. But guess what? There’s a way out, and I’m here to show you how.
On The Femme Cast, we dive deep into breaking toxic cycles, reclaiming your power, and unlocking the magnetism that attracts emotionally available love. You’ll hear real stories, proven strategies, and powerful insights that will help you choose yourself first and experience the kind of love and connection you thought was impossible.
If you’re tired of chasing love, settling for less, and losing yourself in relationships, this podcast is your invitation to step into your Self-Love Era and become a magnet for the kind of love you truly deserve.
Subscribe now and let’s make healthy, soul-aligned love your new normal. Your transformation starts here.
Let's do this.
The Femme Cast
7 SIGNS HE'S EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE (THAT YOU MIGHT BE IGNORING)
Are you constantly attracting emotionally unavailable men? In this episode of The Femme Cast, I’ll share my personal journey of realizing I was in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man and how that led to a profound self-discovery. I’ll walk you through the signs of emotional unavailability that you might be ignoring, the internal struggle I faced, and the turning point that led me to break the cycle and attract healthy love.
This is for you if
- You think you might be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner
- You want to know what to look for so you don’t make the same mistake again
- You’re ready to take action to break the cycle and attract emotionally available, healthy love.
In this episode, you'll gain a deeper understanding of the subtle signs of emotional unavailability, insights into how your own emotional availability impacts your relationships, and practical steps to begin the journey toward healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Let’s do this.
Want to join the conversation? DM me on Instagram @thefemmecast and let's chat. Also, don't forget to like and follow: https://www.instagram.com/thefemmecast/
Are you ready for a massive breakthrough in your relationships and your life? If so, click the link below to book your 90-minute Healthy Love Intensive with me. We'll laser-focus on clearing the blocks holding you back, creating a powerful shift that attracts the loving, supportive and emotionally available relationships you've always dreamed of—no chase, just flow: https://thefemmecast.com/healthy-love-intensive/
Are you ready to begin your heart healing journey today and manifest the love that you desire? If so, click the link below now to register for my FREE Magnetize Love Meditation Series. A 3 part series designed to help you heal from heartbreak and manifest love you've always wanted: https://thefemmecast.ck.page/meditations
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Hey you guys, what is up, and welcome back to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. I am excited for today's conversation. I'm excited about all of them. Let's be real. But I'm gonna tell you it's a very, not an inconvenient time. It's a perfect time for me to record in terms of my headspace, but it's a crack of dawn. I just had my shower, I've done my Pilates, I haven't had anything to eat yet, I'm just having water and my stomach is starting to growl. So I may need to pause mid episode. We'll see how it goes, fingers crossed, but regardless, let's dive right in, shall we?
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So today we're talking about the seven signs buddy is emotionally unavailable for you or for a relationship, and signs that you might be ignoring or lying to yourself about. If you caught last week's episode, that's a good one. Make sure to go check that out. So here we are. This is for you. If you think you might be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner, but you're just not quite sure. If you you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners and you're ready to like, you just want to know what to look for so you can avoid making the same mistake again. You're ready to take action. You're ready to break the cycle and attract more emotionally available, healthy relationships, and this episode is totally for you. We're gonna we're gonna dive in a little bit deeper. You're going to gain a deeper understanding of some of the subtle signs, to look for insights on how your own emotional availability impacts your relationships and some practical steps that you can begin to take towards, you know, just kind of attracting and cultivating healthier, more fulfilling connections with people who are available to you. So if you know somebody who is struggling with this pattern, please send them this episode and have them have a listen. Hopefully they don't get offended that you sent it to them and we'll just kick things off by, you know, asking the question, right?
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:I always like to start a conversation at the beginning of the podcast and I always love to hear from you guys. So please DM me or, if you're seeing this, if you're on my list and you're seeing this and you're coming in your inbox like reply to that email, like just hit that reply button, let me know Are you constantly attracting emotionally available men, yes or no? Do you know what signs to look for so that you don't keep going into a relationship with these types of partners again and again I'm curious, or what tips you off that they're emotionally available? That's another thing I'm curious to know about. So let's have a conversation. Hit me up at the Femcast on Instagram with a DM or, like I said, hit reply to the email if you're getting this in your inbox and let's see what we can kind of discover together. I'll be answering a few questions in the DMs on this topic and, as always, one lucky person this week will get a Zoom link from me for a 15 minute breakthrough session. These sessions are powerful. We dive into your pattern, we look at what patterns you're experiencing, where they're coming from and some simple actions that you can take right now to help shift some of those patterns for you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:Okay, so let's start with a storytelling time, shall we so? Once upon a time, I was dating this guy who actually, you know, he was pretty fucking amazing, like, honest to God, like he was a caring person. He was very sensitive, very attentive, but, but very emotionally unavailable. So what did this look like? Because it's a little bit, it's a little bit of. To me it made no sense, like either you're available or you're not. Like which is it right? He was very loving, he had a very sensitive heart, very affectionate towards me. However, he had a real problem with letting his emotions be seen. Okay so, or letting his putting his emotions out there, putting himself on the line, or making a commitment, or and we're going to get into the subtleties of the signs but it wasn't that he didn't love me or didn't care for me. He just wasn't emotionally available to be in a relationship with me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:And I think you know, as women, I think we get caught in this trap so fucking often. But he loves me, I know he loves me, and that's great, but he can love you and not be emotionally available to you. The two are very different things. Now, yes, absolutely Sometimes emotionally unavailable partners will be commitment phobic. They don't want to be in a relationship. Of course, it's often shows up that way, but oftentimes it doesn't. Oftentimes it shows up as they love you, they care for you, but they're just not ready to be vulnerable with you, and that, I think, is the key difference, and that was, I think was my biggest clue on where I had to look at myself, because I was also terrified of being vulnerable. So you know I think we talked about that in one of the previous episodes. You have to look at whether or not you're ready to be emotionally available for the right partner. Right, because oftentimes the people that we attract into our world are just a reflection of who we are. So if you keep attracting emotionally available men, it's time to kind of ask yourself well, am I emotionally available? Is there a part of me that's afraid to be vulnerable or put myself out there or let myself be fully seen? Then you know that's something for you to definitely look at.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:But let's start with storytelling. So we were together I think at this point we have been together probably about six months or so and we had an amazing like weekend camping trip. Me and him loved to camp and just take road trips and then just, you know, just kind of go out into the wild without a plan or an agenda and just survive for like a few days. And so you know we just had an amazing weekend. We're on our way home, we had the most amazing time. And I remember him asking me in the car on the car ride home. He was asking me he's like so how long have we been together now? And I said I don't know about. Probably like six months.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:I think right, if I do the math, and he's like, huh, I'm like, right away, I'm like, okay, that sounded a little weird. Like are you happy? Are you disappointed? Like what does that mean? Anyway, sonny kind of went quiet, like he said nothing. For the rest, like for maybe, like another, I don't know half hour, 45 minutes, maybe even an hour, like just total silence.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:I was like this is getting a little weird. I'm like what's going on, what's going through his head? I'm being a girl weird. I'm like what's going on, what's going through his head? I'm being a girl, like I'm literally being a girl at this point and being like, hmm, what's he thinking about? Was it something I said? Is it somebody else? But I am being such a girl at this point.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So we're driving along and then all of a sudden, I notice and I can't remember what he said to me at the time, but I remember he started picking a fight with me and I'm like, huh, okay, I'm like what happened? Like, all of a sudden, like he was in this, like just passive, aggressive mood, like all of a sudden he was just, like you know, negative about all these things and trying to pick all these fights. And you know, we avoided one argument and then he started to pick the next one and the next one and then it was. It wasn't until we got home, which was a while later. It's like, oh my God, like he's actually sabotaging the relationship right now, like he's actually trying to pick a fight with me, and I think it's because he's weirded out that we've been together this long Cause.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:I don't think. I don't think he had ever really been in a long relationship before, other than one which was really hurtful for him, and ever since then he had just been kind of casually dating people. So I, we kind of we kind of stumbled into this relationship, I think. I don't think either one of us was really expecting it to happen. And so I think when he had the realization that, oh my God, I'm actually in a relationship right now, I think it weirded him out and like he totally got like dude, like just like, spiraled on me in that car and spiraled the whole way home.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:And I remember I said to him I go, you're freaked out, aren't you, because we've been together six months. It's freaking you out, isn't it? And he just kind of looked at me. He was like, yeah, and I'm like, okay, I go all right, no problem, I'm like we can chill. I'm like I can't remember what I said to him at the time, but you know it's fine. Like we're here, we've been together six months, we've been enjoying it, like let it be what it is. You know what I mean. Like I tried to kind of like talk him off the cliff a little bit, and so you know, I think you know, we ended up staying together for several more months before, you know, we had to leave because he had to relocate and I wasn't ready to relocate with him, so we called it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:However, over the next several months, I really paid attention to how he was showing up in the relationship and I realized that there were signs the whole time that he was emotionally unavailable and I totally fucking missed them. Like it was to me, and I don't even know it was because I missed them, because I was maybe just so used to emotionally unavailable men, because I think, after seeing the pattern and seeing how it shows up, I'm like I think I've been around emotionally available men my entire life. I mean some of these things that we're going to talk about today. I don't know. I know a lot of men that would display signs like this, even men that I wasn't in, you know, close, intimate relationship with right, even friends, even family, even you know it. Just, it's behaviors that I've seen again and again and again, and so maybe on some level we've normalized these behaviors, but they are a sign of somebody who's emotionally unavailable to give themselves over to someone, to really fully be seen, to be fully vulnerable, to really allow their heart to lead. You know, and I think it's, it's a really important, it's really important, if you want an intimate connection with somebody, that both parties come to the table with that intention. You know, sometimes I mean we all fuck it up, but we can come to the table with that intention. You know, sometimes I mean we all fuck it up, but we can come to the table with that intention. I think we can kind of work through these things. So here they are. Here are the seven signs.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:Number one inconsistent communication. I remember he, you know we would, we would like, you know, be in this fury of text messages and phone calls for like, for like, days and weeks on end, and all of a sudden he would go. No contact, for no reason, and as soon as we got too close, or I noticed. It always happened and I didn't realize it at first. At first I just thought, you know, he just needed some time and space, okay, great. But then after, what I noticed was what's happening every time. We had a really good time together or we got really close and had a really like, as close to an intimate conversation as we could have or an intimate moment, that's when it would happen, that's when he would like go. No contact for days. And it finally started to make sense to me why that was happening. It was happening because he was weirded out that, you know, this connection was building between us, that we were becoming closer, that he was opening. He was starting to open up a lot more than I think he felt comfortable in doing, and that started to freak him out. So, inconsistent communication, definitely a sign to look out for.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:Number two avoidance of deep topics. Whoa, like I knew this. I knew dude loved me. Like I knew it without a doubt, like there was no doubt in my mind that he had nothing but mad love for me. But he would never, ever, ever say it and he would say everything I noticed. He would never, ever, ever say it and he would say everything I noticed he would say everything but like I enjoy spending time with you, I like being around you, you know things like that but would never actually say that he loved me. And I want you to be careful because if you're in a relationship with somebody who's doing that to you, I mean it could be that he's sidelining you as well. So just, you know, you know, be careful. Take everything that I'm saying here with a grain of salt.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:But this is just one of the signs. I wouldn't take this as a sign he's emotionally unavailable on its own. You know, you kind of want to see a couple of these and he wouldn't want to talk about anything really significant. You know, I think we talked about career goals a lot because he was very career oriented, like he was really passionate about what he did. I and I always loved. That was one of the things I really loved about him. Like he was just so passionate about his work, um and so, but he never wanted to talk about other things like plans for the future. Do you want to get married? Do you want to have kids? Do you?
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:You know, um, you know what did happen in that last relationship, that painful relationship that you were in, tell me a little bit more about it. Like nothing, nope, zero, nada, not, not open for discussion. He would nix that as soon as I even tried to go there. He would change the subject. He would like find an excuse to leave the room. He would turn on the TV, he would show me something on his phone. He would do everything but focus on the conversation that I was trying to have. So that is a sure sign, because now you know that you're dealing with somebody who really just doesn't want to put their feelings out there.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:You know, um, emotional distance. So I noticed that and again, sometimes it's hard to tell with a inconsistent communication and you know whatever what you're actually dealing with. But I remember noticing that every time he was upset about something, or if I tried to communicate a concern to him, like something that you know I wasn't happy about in the relationship, or something that he had done that you know I wasn't happy about and I wanted to bring it up, he would literally just like shut down emotionally. It was almost like. It was almost like watching, like like buddies left the building, you know like he, just he went into the almost like this font, not a font response, but definitely he. It's almost like he could be physically there, but mentally and emotionally he just completely would escape like escape somewhere. Escape like escape somewhere.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:Especially, I think, if he was going through something really difficult or if he was struggling with something, you know he and you know he didn't want to share it or he didn't know how to share it. He would just void out is the best way that I could describe it like completely void out and just, you know, focus on any, anything but what was going on in that moment. And that was because he couldn't deal with, um, he couldn't deal with the, the um, the emotions that were coming up for him. He couldn't deal with the emotions of whatever it was he was dealing with and not being able to share it with me or not feeling comfortable to share it with me. He couldn't deal it with I, when I was going through something emotionally and trying being able to share it with me or not feeling comfortable to share it with me. He couldn't deal it with when I was going through something emotionally and trying to talk to him about it, because then he didn't know how to respond. So just this emotional distance and detachment, you know anytime, you know, the situation kind of called for it, I noticed, would come up again and again. And, you know, again I noticed this a lot more after we had come to that realization, six months in.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:There was also and this is another sign is a real lack of transparency. So, you know and I want to be careful when I say this because I've seen this a number of times in relationships Now, sometimes, oftentimes, a lack of transparency means that there's infidelity going on. Know, sometimes, oftentimes, a lack of transparency means that there's infidelity going on. You know, not telling you, you know where they've been or or what they are or who they've been, you know who their friends are, who they've been talking to and just kind of keeping you like at arm's length, like I think that's a little bit different.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:This is this is um, um, he would never let me in on the details of his life, like he would never, like, I mean, I think he would tell me the details of his day at work. Again, you know, work was always a topic of conversation that went really well, um, but not a lot of detail about family, not a lot of detail about friendships, not a lot of detail about anything really other than you know. We talked about work, we talked about dreams, we talked about goals, but when it came to emotional things, relationships, how they've impacted him past experiences, childhood experiences it was very, very, very vague. There were a few moments here and there where there was, you know, some details that were shared, but you know, there was so much mystery around who he was and how he became the person that he was in that moment, you know.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So, which for me, was weird, because you know, for me, like I mean I'm, I'm when I'm in relationship with people, I mean I'm an open book, like there was a time where I wouldn't share anything with with anybody, if you know, unless I was in a relationship with them. But if I was in a relationship, I shared everything. You know. Now I share everything with the world. So this to me is weird, but I mean I guess it's not that weird, but for me it's weird.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So you know, there was little, there was little understanding of, again, how he came to be the person that he was, but also what was going on on the inside for him and what he was thinking and feeling. You know, and I think that when you're in a really intimate, close connection with somebody. That's something that you do get a general understanding for, you know, you do get an, you do get to know the person really intimately and start to understand the inner workings of who they are, what makes them tick, what triggers them, what doesn't, what makes them feel good, what triggers them, what doesn't, what makes them feel good. It was very hard to kind of figure all that out with this person. So next is limited investment. So I'm going to say for him it wasn't that he didn't love to make plans together, but he really was uncomfortable making any long-term plans Because I think there was always this mental loop kind of in the back of his mind that was saying well, how much longer are you going to last, how much longer are you going to last, how much longer are you going to give this relationship?
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:Like it's already been six months, don't you want to, like you know, check out? So it was really hard to plan anything that was like you know, well in advance, like a couple months in advance, like we were really good at planning and filling like our weekends and having always like things to do and we always did the best things together we had. We had the most fun together. But, like I said, I think the most we ever planned was, like probably two weeks out. And I will say that I've seen this several times, this behavior.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:I even had this behavior with somebody that I was in a long-term committed relationship with and that looked very different and we're going to talk a little bit about that in another episode. But, um, but you know, in that situation you know we were together, we kind of had, you know, addressed and identified that we wanted to be together long term, but we still couldn't make long term plans for our life together. He would never talk about like getting married, having children, moving, planning vacations, like he did not want any of it, even though we had, you know, acknowledged that we wanted to be together as life partners. Right, can I just say how much I cannot wait for summer to be over so I can record a podcast episode without constantly having to stop because there's a motorcycle roaring by or somebody's engine like blaring down Main Street, like it is so frustrating, and my window like is right over like the Main Street. So, you know, gets a lot of action in the summer. But anyway, this is an interesting one, because this is one that I would not have expected, but here it is disregard for boundaries.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:I'm not sure what the connection here is, but I have noticed this that people who are emotionally unavailable have a huge disregard for your boundaries. Whether that's because they're not invested in the relationship long term and it's all about what they need and not really what you need, I'm not sure. But I remember, you know, whenever I would tell him I couldn't talk for some reason, suddenly I would get like constant, like a fury of text messages, or if I said I couldn't, if I said I didn't know if I would be available that weekend to go out, like it was like constant, like there was no. And I know these aren't like real, like traditional boundaries being set, but you know they are. You know conversations that we had where I said you know I couldn't know if I could be available or if it was the best time or if I needed a timeout to do something else or focus on other things. All these things like on some level created some discomfort. Now I don't know where that came from.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:I'm really curious if any of you out there have experienced this, because I know I noticed it Again. It could be, it could just be you know somebody who's emotionally immature. Maybe it has nothing to do with somebody who's emotionally unavailable, but I have seen this again and again and again. Maybe it's you know, when they see you as unavailable, maybe they start to fear. It's a mirror thing that happens. I don't know, it's the weirdest thing, but I remember complete disregard for boundaries, like you know, if I said, you know, I just need a few minutes to think I would get winky, I need a few hours to focus on I don't know. I'm studying for something or I'm doing some work or I'm. I get into my journal modes. Guys, it's really bad. I geek out on my journal. It's like I'm just in a, I'm in a time block of reflection. Right now. Let me get back to you when I come out on the other side and like suddenly I'm like getting all these text messages and winky faces and like anyway, I found it interesting, to say the least. I can't explain it, but it's interesting, okay. So last, but not definitely, definitely not. So last, but not definitely, definitely not.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:Not least is the inability to handle conflict. Oh my God, when he was hurt about something or when we were getting into it, we were arguing about something. I kid you not, this dude would just shut me down, like either he would walk away, he would break up with me, he would like you would think, every time we got into an argument we broke up In the beginning of the relationship, you know when this would happen. I'd be like, oh my God, how do I fix this? I'm trying to fix and and and and bring bring the peace and and and, and, you know, bring us back to a happy place. But you know, after a couple months into the relationship it kind of became the norm and I kind of was like okay, well, there he goes, he's going to have a tantrum and then he'll come back and and this kind of became how we dealt with conflict. I know like unhealthy as fuck, I get it, but I mean like he would literally like throw his hands in the air and like go. I remember just go.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:He went off on the beat at the beach one day and I remember just he would ruin the water. We're having this argument he's throwing his hands up in the air, he walks away, he makes it look like he's leaving, he packs his stuff, he walks off. And I just kind of sat there, I was laying on the beach. I was like, okay, how long do I give this before I leave? Because you know it's ironic, I have the car, I have the keys, so I know he's coming back, sure enough. Later he comes back, dumps his bag and just kind of mopes next to me. I'm like you okay, yeah, all right. Are we good? Yeah, okay. You okay, yeah, all right, we good, yeah, okay. And this just became like how we dealt with conflict and it was so sad.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:It was probably the most, I think, destructive part of that relationship is the fact that we couldn't he just could not deal with conflict at all, conflict at all. I remember another time we, you know when we were, we would talk on on WhatsApp and I were having like we were having conversation, conversation, challenge or fight. Next thing, I know I'm blocked on WhatsApp. It's like are you kidding me? And then, like three hours later, he's like I'm sorry, I blocked you. Like when I say inability to deal with conflict, like I'm talking extreme inability to deal with conflict, different behaviors, different ways of dealing with it, but nonetheless an inability to deal with conflict. You know what I mean. So I don't think it was that abnormal to me as it should have been right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So it's always important to think about, too, when you're in toxic patterns, right? Yes, sometimes we're attracting them because there's toxic traits within us or we're settling where we shouldn't be or we're not setting boundaries the way we should be, but a lot of the times it's also what we're used to. So you really have to look and pay attention to that as well, right? So where does that leave us? So you know we've got the signs right. You know what to look for now. You know what it means.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:You know, looking at your relationships, you can start to assess which ones are showing up in a emotionally available versus an unavailable way. And listen, guys, this doesn't need to just stop at your intimate relationships. Look at your friendships, look at all of your relationships and see where there is an unavailability to really be vulnerable, because that is really important in a healthy connection. And you know you'd be amazed how quickly things can transform when you start to show up in a more vulnerable way. But you know, be discerning about who you're vulnerable with. Obviously, because you know you always want to open. You always want to open yourself up to the right people, the healthy people, right? You want to open up to the healthy relationships that are going to be supportive and nurturing. Right, and sometimes you do have to, you do have to pay it forward a little bit before you see that come back. But you know you want to do it with discernment always.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So, coming out of this relationship, this was the last relationship before my seven-year relationship hiatus, right, so it wasn't by any means a damaging relationship. Like I said, yes, there was toxicity there, but, honestly, who he was as a person, like I still have the highest regard for and I always look back with fondness on this relationship. But but all that to say, you know, even though it was good because I had done a lot of work before this relationship came in, so a lot of the toxic patterns that I had experienced before when I was in my quote unquote, and I'm using air quotes right now douchebag era A lot of those patterns I had already broken when me and this person came into relationship together. So it was a good sign that things were moving in the right direction and I love that. I mean that was great. But I knew I wasn't there yet because there was still this veil of emotional availability that was that was present.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:And I remember, after this relationship ended and we held on for a long time, even after he relocated like across the pond, um, we held on for quite a while and, you know, stayed connected on you know phone and chat and whatnot, and so, even though we weren't together, I hadn't moved on. So it became, it became painful in the end and I did have to call it and say you know what, I just can't do this anymore. It's just not healthy for me, there's no future for us, I'm not moving on, I'm staying attached to you. Like this is just not a good situation for me. And so at that point he wasn't just emotionally unavailable Now, he was like physically unavailable to me. So that was just like the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm like I am just not having this anymore. And I remember I said to myself I am not getting into another fucking relationship again until I know that I am a match for healthy, emotionally available partners. The end, full stop.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So you know, was the breakup difficult? Yes and no. Because, yes, it was hard. Because, you know, we did share so much love and affection for one another and there's still that level of respect and admiration there. Like that has not gone away and we didn't like. It wasn't like a breakup where, you know, we fought and we got angry at each other. We were done with each other, like it was literally, you know, life pulled us apart. We were so emotionally attached. I had to make a call. I had to make a call Like there was still so much love I had for this man, but I had to make a call. I had, I loved him, I loved him but I loved me more and I needed to choose me because I was not living in happiness, I was not living in joy, life felt like it was literally passing me by at this point for a relationship that I didn't see any future with, and so I had to make a call.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:And I think, you know, yeah, was it hard? Absolutely. Do I regret it? No, and did it, and was it? It was very hard to get over, but all the time, all the time, I was working at getting over it and, you know, trying to move on with my life, I knew I was doing the right thing for me, because I had put myself in a very unhealthy, very unhappy situation, you know, and I just was not available for it at all.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So, and that's when I really started to examine you know, my own emotional availability because that was something that was brought up in this relationship as well how he always kind of acknowledged well, you're also. You know, you're always all one foot in, one foot out to you know, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know it's not just me. So I really had to look at that and look at, okay, how, how are the ways that I'm showing up emotionally unavailable in a relationship and why and how can I feel safer to be emotionally available and then doing that work on the other side is knowing what to look for and and knowing the signs and knowing. You know knowing what to look for when somebody is emotionally available to you, because that is vastly different. You know somebody being in a relationship with somebody who's emotionally available. You know communication is consistent, boundaries are respected, there is emotional support, there is intimate conversation, there is details, deep, intimate details about who you are, what you think and what makes you tick, so that you know, you feel like you know your partner inside and out, and that is such a beautiful experience to be in, because that in itself sometimes makes you feel safer, to be more vulnerable when somebody's willing to put themselves out there. You're now willing to put themselves out there, you put yourself out there, and so, and and you know, reverse engineer that, if you want somebody to feel safe, letting them, letting you see them, how are you, you know, letting yourself be seen, to kind of create that intimate space and that intimate connection between the two of you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:It is so important in a relationship that both parties come to the table with that intention relationship, that both parties come to the table with that intention. And you know, oftentimes, and I always say this, actions speak louder than words. Right, we can say we're emotionally available, but what are our actions saying about how emotionally available we are? That is so important, right, and it's not to say that anybody who's displaying these types of behaviors, you know, I always, for me, I always say any relationship issue can be worked through if both parties are willing to come to the table and try and work through it together in a mutually, you know, respectful way. There's literally nothing that you know a relationship can't. Well, I can't say that. I mean, I've been in relationships that didn't survive, but that was because both parties weren't coming to the table honestly and openly. But I haven't been through every relationship struggle so maybe I'm being too generalizing from my clients. There is literally no relationship issue that I've seen that can't be resolved if both parties are committed and both parties are willing to do the work and both parties are willing to take accountability right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:If you don't have that, then best you just walk. Best you just walk and look for somebody who, who is available to do those things with you right and to work on the relationship with you. And that's my honest, heartfelt advice. So if you're in a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men, I want you to ask yourself number one are you really open to love? Are you really open to letting yourself be fully seen right?
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:And if, if you're not sure whether or not your partners are emotionally available, or if you know, if you think you might be in a relationship with someone who's emotionally available, take a look at some of these characteristics, see if you see them. What's coming up for you, what are you noticing? Can you have a conversation about it? Is it a relationship that you really want to work at right? These are all things that you need to look at and ask yourself, and you know what I always say when you're in the, you know, if what you're looking for is a long-term intimate relationship, you keep attracting these duds. Right, again, number one, look at yourself, your own patterning, your own emotional availability. What's normal to you is another question. Right, again, number one, look at yourself, your own patterning, your own emotional availability. What's normal to you is another question, right? We want to ask ourselves.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:And then, once we've got that, are you being honest about some of the signs that you're seeing that they are emotionally available? Like, if you see a red flag that someone's emotionally unavailable to you, what are you doing? Are you making excuses? Are you lying to yourself that we talked about in the last episode? Are you running forward? Are you pretending not to see it? Or and this is my recommendation are you taking those signs and saying you know what?
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:This guy's great, he checks all the boxes, but for whatever reason, he appears to be emotionally available to me right now. So I'm just going to walk away early before I get invested and see if I can find somebody out there who is emotionally available to me, because ultimately, what I want is a long term intimate connection. If all you're looking for is to fool around, then great, by all means Emotionally unavailable is great for that, because then there's no like strings attached. But you know, both parties have to come to the table with the same intention, truly, truly, truly the same intention. I am not talking about saying, well, you know, he's good enough for right now to have some fun with until I find no. Because if you're looking for an intimate connection, you will, number one, not be available when that intimate connection shows up because you're entangled with somebody who's emotionally unavailable. And, number two, you'll probably develop feelings for Betty. So don't do it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECOACH:So I strongly encourage you, when you see these signs that someone is emotionally unavailable for you, to choose yourself, to walk away and to leave yourself ready and available for what you truly want. And if that's the part that you're struggling with, if you're struggling with walking away, if you're struggling with saying no, choosing yourself or not getting entangled in something that isn't really what you want, even when you know it's not what you want, then book a session. The link is in the show notes. We will dive right in in a 90 minute intensive and I promise you we will make these patterns go away for you. Okay, so that is all for now. You guys, stop waiting, chasing and convincing them to choose you, choose yourself and become a magnet for healthy love, the kind that chooses you every single time. If you love this episode, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a positive rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever the heck you're seeing this. Until next time, you guys, massive love.